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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25803658">Learning the steps of a new dance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toboe2020/pseuds/Toboe2020'>Toboe2020</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tokyo Ghoul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Original Character(s), Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:42:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>50,312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25803658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toboe2020/pseuds/Toboe2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Koma Enji and the OC have been dancing around each other for years. Will they finally be able to take the next step? If they do, how will their lives play out? And what will they do when the Doves try to tear them apart?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Koma Enji/ Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first fanfiction about Koma that I wrote. There are few about him to find and I wanted to give him a bit more love. I also wrote this before Tokyo Ghoul: Re came out, so the later part of the story doesn't follow Re, but is my own interpretation about what happened after the time skip.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She always came on the same days. Always at the exact same time. Always silently taking place at the same table in the corner, close to the window. Always ordering the same type of coffee. Today was no different.</p><p>With a jingle from the doorbell she walked right into Anteiku, eyes scanning the café. Upon spotting that her seat was unoccupied she took place, greeting them happily as she went. Her flaming red curls unruly, strands of hair escaping her assumingly failed attempt to keep her hair tied together. Green eyes met his own, lingering slightly longer on his face. He sent her a smile, greeting her, her name rolling passed his lips so easily. Like always he liked to imagine that the smile she sent back was slightly brighter whenever he smiled at her.</p><p>He brewed her coffee, stealing glances while he did. She was unpacking her things, books and material she needed for college. By the stacks of books she put on the table, she’d be there until closing time. Not that he’d mind. She’d be there his entire shift, like always. If they were lucky, she’d manage to finish her work on time, leaving a bit of room to chat.</p><p>She wore a pair of blue jeans today, slightly on the baggy side. A black t-shirt, a purple vest and sneakers. Her ears pierced, three silver rings in both. A modest silver necklace around her slender neck. He liked the way she dressed. It suited her. On rare occasions, however, she did wore skirts and dresses. Truth to be told, he had a hard time facing her whenever she did. She seemed to know this, teasing him whenever she found the opportunity.<br/>As if she felt him staring, she glanced his way, smile tugging at her lips before she bend over her work. Feeling caught he quickly set back to work. Pouring her coffee, he made sure that he didn’t steal another glance. She’d notice, like always. Then again, sometimes he wondered who kept stealing glances at who. Maybe both of them did, like Irimi kept pointing out, calling him a stupid ape for not noticing.</p><p>He put the coffee on her table. Like always she looked up, putting down her work. She always inquired how he was, eyes rarely leaving his face. Taking her time, no matter how much work she had. He always kept his replies short, not wanting to keep her, though always fighting the urge to sit down with her and have a decent conversation for once. One that lasted longer than the roughly five minutes of formal chit-chat. One that wasn’t cut short by both their work.<br/>He meant to ask her for her number, to ask her out for once. He meant to do so for over two years now. But he never did. His courage failed him time and time again. Afraid of rejection. Afraid that she’d find out about what he was. He didn’t want her to disappear from his life, so he kept his mouth shut. Silently looking forward to whenever she was visiting. Silently watching her work while he himself worked, until he had to kick her out due to closing time.</p><p>~~~~~~</p><p>Absentmindedly she tugged a strand of hair behind her ear, though knowing fully well that it was no use. She glanced over her laptop to the counter, watching him prepare someone’s coffee. She liked watching him, as he knew exactly what he was doing. Movements confident, without any trace of doubt. Sometimes he glanced her way, eyes meeting, smile tugging at his lips. Like always she smiled back, unable to resist. She liked his smile, kind and gentle, yet every time she saw him smile she sensed a hint of loneliness, making her wonder why.</p><p>She had had plenty of opportunities to ask, yet her courage had failed her time and time again. She didn’t want to pry. Didn’t want to sound like one of those noisy women at her college. Letting out a sigh, she set back to work, but not before stealing another glance.<br/>Strange how things can take its course. She had found this place two years ago by accident really, just after she had moved. She had wandered in, only to ask for directions. He had helped her. Amused, chuckling when she had told him that she couldn’t remember the way back to her apartment. They had talked for a bit and with his directions she had found her apartment again. The second time they had talked, she had thanked him for his help, though he found it was no need.<br/>After that, her feet had seemed to bring her back to Anteiku. No matter where she intended to go, after college or a day’s work, she always ended up in the café. Always during his shift.</p><p>So her routine started. A routine that had lasted for two whole years already. During those two years she got to know him a little through the small talk they had as they worked. She had realized after a year that just small talk wasn’t enough. She wanted to learn more about him, wanted to see him on a day off. She meant to ask, but she was afraid of his reaction. Afraid that he’d reject her. So she kept her mouth shut. Silently enjoying his company from afar.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone has to take the first step. But who?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't remember whether Koma or any of the other Ghouls own a cellphone or not. It has been a while since I've read/ watched the series. Either way, he does now :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her exams were over, finally. Which meant that she’d have a bit of time for herself before the next classes started, in a week. Well, almost a week to herself, for she had managed to get a few extra shifts at her job. Not that she’d necessarily needed them, but some extra money could never do any harm. Then again, she had kept some of her time open to visit Anteiku, on the same days and same time like always. Which is where she was headed.</p><p>                At her side trotted her dear friend, fluttering about, chatting about her boyfriend and the plans they had made for the summer. Lottie had insisted to come with her this time around, claiming that it was time for her to make a move. Claiming that she needed to put a stop to agonizing about the possibilities and take the gamble.</p><p>                She hated gambling with choices in her life. She had gambled with them years ago, back in junior high and high school around, and it nearly meant the end of her. Stupid mistakes, stupid choices that nearly cost the lives of both others and her own. If it hadn’t been for her friend, who knew where she might have ended up. Probably dead in the gutter, long forgotten.</p><p>                They entered Anteiku, greeting the staff when they did, before taking a seat at her regular spot. Lottie knew better than to sit somewhere else. After all, from this spot she could see him work the best. Scanning the café, she found that he wasn’t there. She did find Irimi, his colleague. As if sensing her confusion, the said woman made her way to the table.</p><p>                ‘He’s around back.’ A smile upon Irimi’s face, though she couldn’t put a name on the type of smile. Amusement, curiosity, kindness…? She didn’t know. Trying to hide her embarrassment for being so obvious, she muttered a soft, ‘thank you’. Lottie giggled softly across the table when she did.</p><p>                As it turned out, Irimi was right. Shortly after Irimi left the table, he walked right in. Feeling a bit nervous, mostly due what Lottie had said when they walked there, she stole a glance, not wanting to seem more out of character than she already felt.</p><p>                He noticed her, a smile tugging at his lips as he made his way to their table. She may order the same every time, but Lottie never did. He took their order, well more Lottie’s order, before going back to work, yet not after shortly inquiring how she was.</p><p>                She told him that she was fine, that her exams were finally over. Casually, she let it slip that she had now more spare time, besides her work, hoping that he’d catch the hint, though knowing fully well that he wouldn’t. As expected, he didn’t catch the hint, only claiming that it was time for her to have some time for herself, as she had worked so hard these past few months. Then he left.</p><p>                She watched him go. Feeling foolish and a coward. Across the table, Lottie shook her head. Her friend bend forward, softly asking whether she’d want her to ask him instead. A part of her wanted Lottie to do so, as her friend was easier with guys than herself. But the other part felt that, if she was going to ask him, she’d ask him herself, on her own terms. So she declined, only to earn an annoyed sigh from her friend.</p><p>                Lottie stayed with her for roughly an hour, before leaving to her meet up with her boyfriend. But not before Lottie made her promise to text her about how it had gone. She promised, more to stop her friend from nagging her, than the urge to text Lottie later on to tell her that she had failed, which she knew she would. After all, her courage had already left her.</p><p>                Silently, she watched her friend leave. Then she took out the book she had brought, making herself comfortable. But not before stealing another glance at him. This time their eyes didn’t meet. He was too busy with brewing coffee. Maybe it was for the best. It would give her time to calm herself down. Maybe her courage would come back to her. After all, she had until the end of his shift.</p><p>~~~~~~</p><p>Irimi kept nagging him whenever she found the chance, claiming that he’d either make a move or to stop flirting with her. She found that two years of dancing around one another was long enough. That he was stupid for not catching up on the hint that she had given him a few hours ago. That she had some free time, something she, according to Irimi, had dropped to ask him out. Which he found ridiculous. Unfortunately, Yoshimura had decided that moment to drop in on their conversation, saying that Irimi was right, leaving him no place to argue.</p><p>                It didn’t stop him from trying though. Asking Yoshimura a little bit of his time, he voiced his arguments with his manager, unable to make up his mind. Like always, the manager listened patiently until he was done, before voicing his own opinion. He’d either ask her today and take her on her offer to spent some time together, or flat out reject her altogether. But not after mentioning that he did need to keep in mind that, if he let this drag on, she’d find out about his true nature, one way or another. It was a risk that, if he meant to keep her in his life, he needed to be willing to take.</p><p>                With sweaty palms, he went back into the café, his eyes finding hers. She still sat there, at her usual spot, reading a book she had nearly finished. She had no reason to be there. She could have decided to be anywhere but in this place. Yet, like always, she sat on the same spot, drinking the same coffee. Only difference this time was that the table wasn’t filled with her work. Just the book in her hands, her shoulder-bag at her feet. Her friend long gone.</p><p>                The café was almost empty. Just one other costumer and his colleague, who was already starting to clean up a bit. Glancing at the clock, he noticed it was indeed almost closing time. His shift was almost over. It was almost time to kick her out, something he didn’t feel like doing anytime soon. He just wanted to look at her for a little while longer, before he took the plunge and risk losing her from his life.</p><p>                He waited for the other costumer to leave. Then, licking his lips and trying to shake off his fear, he went to her table. Upon his approach, she looked up, two more pages to finish. Pages she’d have read before his shift would end. She cocked her head, probably thinking that he was going to tell her it was almost closing time. She asked if she could finish her book. He said it was fine. Sending him a smile, she nodded before turning her attention back on the book, strands of hair sliding over her shoulder when she did.</p><p>                He meant to turn around, before spotting Irimi in the corner of his eye, inclining her head towards the woman in question. It was now or never. She’d scold him if he didn’t and arguing with his old rival was the last thing he wanted or needed right now.</p><p>                He realized he was still standing close to her seat, half turned, probably looking like a fool. He felt her eyes on him before he actually saw them. She had finished her book. At least, he assumed that she had. It lay on the table, disregarded, forgotten.</p><p>                She looked at him with an expression he couldn’t place. She fidgeted at her vest, a green one this time, nearly identical to her purple one that she had worn a few days ago. He had never seen her fidget. Biting her lower lip, she averted her eyes and pushed a piece of paper across the table towards him. Her hands were trembling when she did.</p><p>                With a pounding heart, he took the piece of paper from her. Her phone-number. His eyes widened when he saw her number written on the piece of paper. He had wanted to ask her for months. Now he finally had it, though she beat him to it. Taking a deep breath, he suggested what he had wanted to do for a long, long time. ‘Let me walk you home.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a few awkward steps forward.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had accepted his offer, glad with the suggestion. After his shift, he had added her number to his contact list, giving her his own in return. His number was now amongst the few in her short list, but a number she was already dying to use, even when he still walked next to her. In silence.</p>
<p>                Truth to be told, she was far too nervous and far too excited at the moment to think of something to talk about. Which was odd, for there were so many things she wanted to know about him. All those years she had made an entire list inside her head of all the things she meant to ask, adding more and more every time she saw him. But now that he walked next to her, no words made it passed her lips.</p>
<p>                She did keep stealing glances at him, finding that, just like in Anteiku, their eyes kept meeting. There was a slight difference, however, for now it seemed like their eyes lingered a little bit longer. Just a little bit. From time to time, she saw him open his mouth, but just like her, he didn’t seem to be able to get any words passed his lips. In a way it was some comfort, knowing that he was at a loss of what to say as well.</p>
<p>                He scratched the back of his head, awkwardly. His eyes darted to the sky. ‘So… a week off, huh?’</p>
<p>                His question came out so awkward, she found it endearing. Unable to hold back, she laughed softly, confirming his question when she did. Before she realized it, she asked him whether he wanted to spent some time with her. Her joy had caused her former worries and fears to disappear. He was there now, at her side, trying to start a conversation she couldn’t even begin. The atmosphere awkward, he could have left, yet he remained. That was enough, no matter what his answer might be. He was there, now.</p>
<p>                Upon hearing her question, he stopped in his tracks. For a split second she thought she’d ruined it before anything had ever been properly begun. To her joy, he accepted. As they walked the last part home, they set a date and time.</p>
<p>                Once at home, she texted Lottie, telling her that she had a date, just like she had promised she would.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Never in her life had she been so nervous as today. Waiting at their meeting spot, she glanced at her watch for the umpteenth time that morning. She was far too early, more than half an hour. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for so long, but she hadn’t been able to sit still at home. Finding herself too restless to do anything to pass the time with. So she had decided to go early, hoping that watching the crowd of people would help her pass the time. It didn’t help. Especially not the women who kept passing by, looking all well dressed, beautiful and confident. Seeing them made her wonder whether she wasn’t too plainly dressed for their date.</p>
<p>                She swallowed hard, her nerves slowly getting the best of her. She couldn’t believe that after two whole years, maybe a little longer, she was finally going on a date with Koma. She could only hope that she wouldn’t screw up. Dealing with people weren’t her strong suit, dealing with men was even worse. Strangely enough, he had been able to make her feel comfortable from the moment they’d met. There was something about him that she just…</p>
<p>                His voice called out to her. Heart racing in her chest, she spun around, finding him coming her way. Quickly she glanced at her watch, he too was far too early. Looking slightly guilty he asked her whether she had been waiting long. She shook her head. Just ten minutes, though those ten minutes had been the longest of her life.</p>
<p>                He smiled at her, seemingly relieved. She was glad to see him. Glad to be able to spent an entire day with him. Glad to see that he wore something casual too, making her feel less plain about her choice of clothes. But now that he was here, she was at a loss of where to go, of what to do. All she wanted, was to spent some time with him, nothing more. They could sit in the park all day talking for all she cared, anything, as long as it was with him.</p>
<p>                He asked her where she wanted to go. She told him that she didn’t have anything in particular in mind, that she was fine just spending time with him. Looking at him, she found his surprise plainly written on his face. Her answer was probably not what he had expected. But it was true. There was nothing else she wanted to do.</p>
<p>                Too late she remembered what Lottie had said, that she should keep the date fun. That she should go to the movies, a restaurant or somewhere else where people went to on their date. Suggestions to undertake something together were always welcome, especially when you didn’t know each other that well. It was an ice breaker. With what one choose could make or break the entire date. Remembering what Lottie had said made her break out in cold sweat, as she had just suggested something incredibly boring. He must think she was boring, nuts or both.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next is their date from Koma's POV :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their first date from Koma's POV!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her reply hadn’t been what he had expected. Didn’t women normally wanted to go somewhere on a date? Like a restaurant? He had already mentally prepared himself to stuff down some human food, made up a few excuses so he could throw up later on and he had eaten his food right before he left so he wouldn’t get too hungry during the date. Now it seemed that it hadn’t all that necessary and for that he was grateful. Maybe this meant they could just sit down, have some coffee and chat.</p><p>                He knew a place where they served good coffee. Heard they also had great cake, which she might like. Cake he could decline easily, claiming that it was too sweet for his taste. And with the fact that he had just eaten, he could brush of the sandwiches easily. Trying to sound casual, he suggested the place. He watched the tension ease from her shoulder, making him wonder whether she had been worried about not knowing where they could spent some time together. Maybe she had. If that were true, he was glad that he had suggested the café. He didn’t want her to worry about trivial stuff during their date.</p><p>                She agreed, happily, telling him to lead the way, though not after asking whether he minded going somewhere for coffee on his day off while he worked in the café most of the time. He assured her that he didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he was taking her out for a drink at his workplace. She smiled at his reply, a little less shy and a bit more brighter than earlier on.</p><p>                He led her to the said place, talking about trivial things, yet they were subjects he had meant to ask her about for months. He found out that she worked in a clock repair-shop, close to her apartment where she could practice her studies. She told him that she had finally “officially” moved in, as she called it, for since past weekend, as she had finally unpacked the last boxes. He chuckled when she absentmindedly muttered why she had so much junk lying about. When he asked her what the most junk was in her room, she sent him a crocked grin, claiming that they were books and old clocks and parts.</p><p>                She wanted to be a clockmaker, but admitted that she’d also like to translate books. In a modest way, she told him that she was good at English, for it was, just like Japanese her first language, as her mother had been Japanese and her father Scottish. He was surprised at that, for he had always assumed that she had been one of those gajin who had moved to Japan in search of Zen or whatever they came looking for. When he voiced this, he half expected her to get angry, but she only laughed it off, waving it away with her hand, claiming that she didn’t blame him for thinking that way. When he asked her as to why she wanted to repair clocks, she told him that her father had practiced the profession back in Scotland and she had inherited his love for old clocks by watching and helping him when she had been little.</p><p>                As she talked, her eyes lit up. Her love for the said profession shining through. She talked about it like he heard most women talk about shoes, which he found endearing, for it was a profession he was sure so very few people would pursue. </p><p>                He told her a bit about himself, leaving everything ghoul related out, though finding it only fair that she got the know him a bit better as well. He found she was truly eager to learn more about him, just as much as he was eager to learn more about her.</p><p>                They sat down at the said place, ordering a cup of coffee. She also ordered a piece of cake. Chocolate, on which she admitted she was a bit addicted to. He liked the way she admitted it, half apologizing but with an expression that told him she had no intention to stop, as she happily took a bite from her cake, looking as if it was made in heaven.</p><p>                Time passed by far too quickly to his liking. He found she was easy to talk to, had a great sense of humor, a bit shy and yet a little bit more gutsy than he expected her to be. At end of the day, he found that he didn’t want to part from her yet. He meant to ask her to spent some more time with him, despite the fact that he was starting to get hungry. He wondered what was wise to do. Ask her to spent a bit more time with him, with the risk of having to take her to dinner and eat human food. Or call it a day, which he was going to regret and go home, hoping they’d meet sooner outside work and college.</p><p>                She had fallen silent, glancing out the window. He watched her stare out the window, not minding the silence, liking that he could gaze at her without being inappropriate. As if feeling his gaze, she looked back at him. ‘What shall we do?’</p><p>                He shrugged, smiling apologizing at her, telling her that he didn’t know either. That he was caught between going on with their date, which he’d love, and going home for he had the early shift tomorrow.</p><p>She crooked her head, thinking about it, tapping with her index finger against her chin. Her expression serious, as if the decision was one of life and death. Her eyes darted from the window back to him. She came with the suggestion to walk around a bit longer and see where they ended up. So they did.</p><p>                They ended up walking around the area for another two hours, before his hunger got the best of him. Not wanting to make any mistakes that both of them would regret, he excused himself, but not before walking her home. He didn’t want her to walk around late at night alone. Even though this ward was safer than most, he didn’t want her to risk of getting attacked, by either human or ghoul.</p><p>                She accepted his offer, seemingly amused by his worries, claiming that she had been fine these past two years without anyone walking her home. He told her he knew, but that it wouldn’t feel right. Besides, if he walked her home again, he had an excuse to spent a little bit more time with her. But the latter he didn’t voice, keeping his thoughts to himself.</p><p>                He walked her to the front door, wanting to make sure that she got home safely. At the door he found she lingered. He wanted to know why she hesitated, but was afraid to ask for he didn’t want to push his luck. So he stood there, unable to decide whether he should take his leave or wait for when she made up her mind about whatever was bothering her.</p><p>                After a few seconds she turned around, on her face an expression he couldn’t place. She smiled at him, thanked him for the great time she had. She stammered a bit when she talked, nervous, just like he felt. Her eyes darted over his face, as if searching for something. When she did, he found his own eyes wander to her lips. The urge to kiss her was whelming up inside of him. It felt like his hunger when he hadn’t eaten properly. A strong urge on which he wanted to act, but had to fight against knowing it would only cause problems later on.</p><p>                But in those few seconds, he thought about pushing her against her front door, kissing her lips, letting his hands wander over her body. Thoughts about how she’d taste, how she might gasp his name from those delicious looking lips of hers.</p><p>                Before he acted on his urge, he told her that he had a great time as well. That he wanted to meet up outside work again. He watched her expression light up when he told her this. Then he bid her a goodnight. As he made it down the stairs, she called after him, asking him to send her a text when he got home. He nodded, telling her that he would.</p><p>                The moment he was home, he did. To his joy and surprise she texted back right away. That first text was the start of many.        </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The days after their first date. Will there be a second?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is a bit longer than I expected it to be when I wanted to post it. Either way, enjoy the read :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He found that he could hardly concentrate, that he kept making small mistakes at work. Mistakes he normally wouldn’t make, no matter how much crap went on in his life. Yet now he found that he did make them. All because of one person. He found that she occupied his thoughts more than he liked to admit. He kept checking his phone for messages, knowing it was crazy. He wanted to text her, yet tried to fight the urge, for he didn’t want to seem too eager, too needy.</p>
<p>                The messages they sent one another were simple. They asked about their days, what they were doing, whether they saw or heard something fun sharing. Harmless, meaningless, but he found himself waiting for them more often as the days went by.</p>
<p>                Irimi joked about his new attitude. She found it amusing how one woman, a human one even, could have such an influence on him. Yet she did admit that this might be a good thing for him. That it was good he had finally found a woman interesting enough to actually act on it, even though they moved incredibly slow to her liking.</p>
<p>                The first time she had come in Anteiku had been a little bit awkward. He had realized that he didn’t know how to act around her when she came in for coffee. Luckily, she had seemed to feel the same way. Clumsily, they had greeted each other. Her eyes had lingered far longer on his face than normal, something Irimi commented on afterwards. He wanted to know why, though he had to admit that he was guilty of the same thing. His eyes kept wandering over her face, searching for confirmation that it was fine to feel this way. To find a hint with which she told him that it was fine to take the next step.</p>
<p>                He didn’t find it.</p>
<p>                Instead he found himself dancing around her whenever she was in the café. Stealing glances more often, trying to be near her even though he had no need to be around her table. Trying to get their hands to touch accidently whenever he brought her coffee. To his joy she let him, resulting in a big smile on his face whenever he succeeded. A smile that she always answered with a bright one of her own. A smile that made his heart leap in his chest, make his stomach all aflutter, like he was a young high schooler around his first love. He really was a fool.</p>
<p>                Two weeks after their first date, he finally got up the courage to ask her out again. She had called him, something she hadn’t done before. She had finished a project that she had been working on, one that had turned out very well. Both her employer and her teachers had been pleased with the result. She had wanted to share the good news and he had been the first she had called. Flattered that she had called him, even before bringing the news to her friend, he listened to her enthusiastic rattling, enjoying the sound of her voice over the phone. When she was done talking, he suggested their next date, saying that it sounded like something they’d celebrate. To his joy, she accepted his suggestion within a second.</p>
<p>~~~~</p>
<p>She couldn’t believe that he picked up the phone when she had called nor that he had listened to her rattling about a clock. Even Lottie eventually cut her off whenever she started rattling on about her clocks. But not Koma. He had kept listening to her, understood her enthusiasm and had even suggested to celebrate with her.</p>
<p>                So now she ran towards the park where they had agreed to meet up. Her adrenaline was pumping throughout her entire body. Never had she felt so excited. She was going to see him again outside his work. For just a few hours she could claim him for her own. How very selfish, but true.</p>
<p>                She knew that he had been dancing around her for these past two weeks. Hell, she had encouraged him to do so. She loved the way he subtly flirted, trying to get closer to her. Truth to be told, at first she had been confused by his attempts, partly because she found it hard to act normal around him when she kept finding herself thinking and searching for him every second of the day. Even during her class and her work. She had to force herself to concentrate, to make sure that she wouldn’t make any mistakes that could prove fatal for her clocks later on.</p>
<p>                Entering the park, she went straight to the pond, knowing that she’d find him there. Part of her hoped that she’d beat him to it again, just like the first time. She had liked the way he had greeted her awkwardly back then. He was so different from the other men Lottie had introduced her to.</p>
<p>                Unlike the other men, Koma was funny, thoughtful, kind, awkward, but also with an air of confidence though he was never arrogant. She also liked his eyes, but most of all his hands. His hands always seemed so strong, as if they could easily snap things in two, yet he always used them in such a gentle manner. As if things would break beneath his gentle touch. Lottie didn’t think so. Her friend had scoffed at her words, finding Koma too plain, too normal looking to be anything kind of attractive, too short in height despite it was only a few inches. She didn’t like his hair, found his nose too big and him a bit too old to her liking. Though having encouraged her friend to approach Koma, Lottie just couldn’t see what she saw in him, calling her a foolish woman.</p>
<p>                Remembering Lottie’s words made her feel slightly annoyed. If her friend would just be more open-minded and not judge people by their looks, she might see even a glimpse of how great he was. Sure, she was just starting to get to know him better, but even in those two years of visiting Anteiku she had been able to put him together pretty well. Judging people’s character was one of the things she could honestly say she was pretty good at.</p>
<p>                He was already there. Still feeling slightly annoyed at the memory of Lottie’s words, she greeted him in a more sulky manner, added to the fact that she hadn’t been able to beat him to their meeting place this time around. Her reaction might not have been what he had expected, for his smile dropped a bit at her greeting. Immediately she regretted her reaction. Stammering she explained to him why she had been slightly upset, though she left the comments what Lottie had said about him out of it. He didn’t need to know what her friend thought of him. It didn’t matter. Lottie wasn’t there to make crude comments.</p>
<p>                At her short explanation his spirit lifted again. Claiming that it this date was partly for celebrating on her passed project, he took her to a pastry shop where he bought her two pieces, since she couldn’t make up her mind between two kinds. Then he bought her drinks from a vending machine, coffee and tea. After which he brought her back to the park, where they sat down on the grass and had a little picnic. He had been smart enough to bring her a plastic plate and fork.</p>
<p>                Just like their first date, they talked about a lot of trivial things, though parts became a bit more personal. Normally she hated it when people tried to know her better, for it always felt like they tried to pry in her life. With him however, it didn’t feel that way, so she didn’t mind opening up some more.</p>
<p>                Feeling a bit guilty for being the only one eating, she offered him a piece of her pastry. He took a bite, though she found it a bit reluctance which made her wonder why he’d accept her offer. But maybe she imagined it. Or maybe he wasn’t a sweet tooth and he took her offer to be polite. Either way, she decided to let it slide. It didn’t matter much. He was there and that was all that mattered.</p>
<p>                As she ate the last bite of her pastry, she wondered whether he’d want to see the clock she had put together. If he accepted it meant that she had to invite him over at her place. He’d come in her apartment. Not that she meant anything to happen. She just wanted him to see her finished project. That was all.</p>
<p>                He sent her a curious look, asking her what was on her mind, in the playful manner she got so familiar with over these past two years. She asked him whether he wanted to see the clock she made, her little protect of which they were celebrating. To both her joy, and her fear, he accepted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's always nerve-racking when someone's visiting your apartment for the first time, isn't it?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was nervous. He could tell by the way she kept glancing at him in that shy manner of hers and by the way she fidgeted at her clothes. He wondered why she had invited him over when it put her in such a tough spot. Maybe she didn’t know either. Trying to put her at ease, he tried to keep their conversation going, but found it hard to do so as they got closer to her apartment. Instead he asked her what was bothering her so much.</p><p>                She fell silent, nearly stopping in her tracks. Green eyes met his own before she averted them shyly. Muttering in a soft voice, she told him that her apartment wasn’t tidy. That she was worried about the mess she had left, for she hadn’t expected to bring him over. He chuckled at her worries, finding them rather cute and told her it was fine. That he didn’t mind how messy her apartment was.</p><p>                At his words she looked at him, eyes darting over his face, searching for something. She tilted her head a little, looking gravely serious. ‘You mean that?’ He nodded. Then she raised an eyebrow and shook her head, smiling absentmindedly.</p><p>                They started walking again. The atmosphere between them a bit more relaxed than a while ago. Probably because he had told her that it was fine, whether her apartment was messy or not. He hoped that was the case. He didn’t want to ruin things between them, especially not over something so stupid and trivial.</p><p>                At her front door she lingered again. He almost meant to speak up, wanting to tell her it was fine if she had second thoughts about this. But right at that moment he noticed her straighten her back, as if she made up her mind, and turn the key. Now or never, he guessed.</p><p>                Her apartment was indeed a mess. Scattered books, clock materials and other things lay scattered about. It looked as if she had left half way her work, leaving everything the way it was. There even stood a forgotten cup of tea on the table, ice cold by now. As he looked around the room, he imagined her sitting at the table, working on the clock that lay unfinished. That she’d look up, saw the time and hurried out the door to meet up with him.</p><p>                He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He wanted to see what she looked like while she worked. He wanted to know whether she’d work with that concentrating frown on her face that she had sometimes when she was busy with her homework at Anteiku. Brushing her hair out of her face, which would fall back within a few seconds. Then she’d blow the hair away in frustration before setting back to work, realizing that it was futile. Her tongue sticking out a bit.</p><p>                ‘Look!’ Her happy exclamation broke through his thoughts. She pointed at another clock, a larger one that lay finished on the table. It was a simple looking clock. Truth to be told, he had far too little knowledge to appreciate it like she did.</p><p>                She must have sensed his confusion and hesitation. Though pouting slightly, she explained to him why it was special. Well not special, she waved the word away like only she could do, and pointed out why it was different from a clock you could buy at the store. She also opened the back, so he could see inside. The clockwork inside looked incredibly complicated. It dazzled him just to look at it. He couldn’t even start to imagine what it must be like to put it all together from scratch.</p><p>                Leaning closer, she pointed a few things out, seemingly eager to explain it to him. He meant to listen and memorize it all. Unfortunately, he found that he couldn’t. The moment she leaned closer, her scent was everywhere. She always smelt nice from a distance, but up-close it was better. Her scent filled his nose, making him unable to concentrate on anything else.</p><p>                He took a deep breath, trying to keep his mixed feelings under control. He was caught between wanting to lean in and kiss her or devour her alive to satisfy his hunger that had flickered alive the moment she leaned closer, even though he had been so careful and had made sure to eat before they met up. But she smelled so good. It was like he hadn’t eaten for days and someone offered him his favorite piece of meat, dangling before his nose and he wasn’t allowed to take a bite.</p><p>                Shifting the weight on his legs, he created a bit of distance between them, making sure not to seem uninterested in what she had to say. He didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. He did like her work. He wanted to appreciate her hard work like it deserved. But his mind was reeling. Her scent was everywhere, even with the distance he tried to create. It was driving him nuts.</p><p>                What should he do?</p><p>~~~~~ </p><p>She noticed the small change in him when he took a deep breath. He must have tried to hide it. She could tell from the way he uncomfortably shifted his weight, subtly trying to create some distance between them. He probably did it as not to offend her. She spotted a trace of conflict in his eyes. Conflict that flashed quickly, before he seemed to control himself.</p><p>                She called out to him, saying his name gently, wanting to draw him out of his conflict. Yet a part of her realized that she might be the cause. Maybe she had invaded his personal space while she had leaned closer. Thinking that was the case, she apologized, explaining that she hadn’t meant to invade his personal space and that, if he was put off by her rattling about the clock, she’d stop.</p><p>                She watched his eyes widen, watched him shake his head. His shoulders a bit slumped. He told her that neither was the case. Hearing that made her glad. So she hadn’t done anything wrong. She wanted to ask him what had made him act that way, but was afraid to press him for an answer. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to talk about it and so, she didn’t ask, not wanting to pry. If he wanted her to know, he’d tell her. If not, then she’d leave it at that.</p><p>                Having composed himself, he asked her about the other project lying about. Glad with the opportunity, she showed him what she was working on. Though while she did, she carefully watched his reaction, trying to find any traces of discomfort. To her relief she found none. Whatever it had been, it was gone. Either that, or he was a better actor than he let on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Little troubles when going out for dinner.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They dated on a regular basis, spending more and more time together whenever possible. Whenever they weren’t together, they either texted or called. He felt like a love-struck high schooler, diving in his first love affair, head first without thinking about the consequences. Normally he wouldn’t act this way. He would think things through. Had she been a ghoul, it wouldn’t have mattered much, but since she was human, he should have thought more about the consequences of his actions. He found that he kept making promises that could uncover his secret.</p><p>                He was dragged in by her enthusiasm whenever she asked him out for dinner. So he found himself on some dates in a restaurant, trying his hardest to keep up his act of enjoying the food, while excusing himself at some point to throw up the whole meal in the toilet. He hated it, for he couldn’t enjoy her company to the fullest whenever he dined with her. He had to keep fighting the bile that rose up his throat with every bite he took, while keeping his composure like he had been taught years ago.</p><p>                And every time he hoped that she didn’t notice. That she thought he did enjoy the food, as they were in restaurants that she liked. He rarely suggested a restaurant and when he did, they were always ones which he heard good stories about. It felt like gambling with both their relationship and their lives, yet despite all that he couldn’t stop himself. He liked her too much to stop, wanted to be with her too much. He loved her too much.</p><p>                The fear of her finding out did nagged at him, whether they were together or not. There was always this voice inside his head that kept asking those annoying “what if…. what if???” questions. He didn’t want to think about it. Afraid that she’d reject him when she did. He did understand that he had to tell her someday, if he meant to pursue this relationship with her. If he meant to remain honest with her and he wanted to be honest with her, with everything. But he couldn’t find the courage to tell her. The fear of her finding out, the fear of losing her was too great and so he kept up the pretense. He hated himself for lying to her.</p><p>                Her hand touched his arm, gently, shaking him from his thoughts. Sending her an apologizing smile, he asked her to repeat what she had said. She pouted, though he could see the playful gleam in her eyes when she did. Pointing at the dark clouds overhead, she asked him whether they should go somewhere to take shelter from coming the rain.</p><p>                Following her finger, he found that the sky had indeed turned dark, rain was hanging in the air. He could smell it. It would be wise to take shelter, but where? There were a few stores around, but none to their liking. Just like the dining places, as they just ate. Well, she had. He had managed to sneak in some human meat and ate some on the toilet, not knowing any other way to eat, while hating the fact to resort to such a manner. It was unhygienic and uncomfortable. All the while, he kept fearing that he’d get caught. To his relief, he had managed to gobble up the meat without anyone walking in. Having eaten, he felt better and a bit more at ease. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had eaten that he absentmindedly suggested that they could take shelter at his place, as it was close by.</p><p>                He noticed her surprise, followed by curiosity in her eyes. To his joy she agreed. Grinning at her, he held out his hand, telling her that they’d need to make a run for it, if they meant to get there before the downpour. Smiling brightly and with a slight blush on her face, she took his hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not really sure whether Koma is a living-in employ or has his own apartment, so for the sake of this story he has his own apartment, somewhere close to Anteiku.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>First time in Koma's apartment. What will happen?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is a bit longer than the previous one and I had some trouble with getting my lay-out right, so it might look a little different than the previous chapters I've posted. I hope you enjoy the read either way :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                She couldn’t believe that he had invited her to his place. In those past few weeks, he had never suggested it. Normally they went to her place, if they didn’t feel like hanging out on the streets. So when he suggested it, she didn’t think twice about it. Especially not when he offered his hand with that big grin on his face.</p><p>                She let him drag her through the streets, watching his broad shoulders in front of her, feeling the firm, yet gentle grip on her hand. She loved his hands. She had already loved them when they gently touched her when his fingertips brushed her skin, but this feeling was different. Having him holding her hand felt right. As if her hand belonged with his, like a complete set. Which was an odd thought, strange even and she doubted she’d ever have the courage to say this out loud.  </p><p>Holding hands, they ran through the streets as the sky got darker and the first drops of rain started to fall from the sky. Despite their effort to get to his apartment in time, they ended up soaking wet on his doorstep. Normally she hated getting soaked to the bone, as it always took her forever to get warm again. Yet now she couldn’t help but laugh with him at their sorry state as he invited her in.</p><p>His apartment was small, tidy but cozy. It suited him. Seeing his apartment made her feel like a slob. She voiced this, earning a few chuckles from him. He offered her a towel, asking her if she wanted to borrow some dry clothes for the time being. Without thinking about it, she nodded. Only when he had actually handed her the towel and dry clothes, telling her where she could change, she realized to what she had agreed to.</p><p>She was going to change in his apartment, where he was present, in his bathroom, changing into his clothes. Worse, she’d be naked for a few minutes and even though she knew that he wouldn’t see her, that he wouldn’t try anything, the very thought made her feel incredibly nervous and self-conscious. It was like stepping across an unseen boundary.</p><p>Trying to hide how nervous she was, though she was absolutely sure that he noticed, she changed into his clothes. All the while, her heart raced inside her chest, stomach all aflutter, hands trembling, cheeks burning at the mere thought that he was at the other side of the door. When he called to ask for a cup of coffee, she nearly yelped in surprise at the sound of his voice, barely keeping her yelp from escaping. She called back, not completely trusting her voice, but finding that she couldn’t remain silent. If she’d do that, he’d probably worry whether something was wrong.</p><p>Apparently she sounded funny, for she heard his amused chuckle. Sighing in relief when he retreated from the door, she put the blouse on he had given her. His clothes were too wide for her and a bit big, despite the fact that he was slightly shorter than her. Not that she minded. They were dry and comfortable. They smelled like him. She wanted to press his blouse against her face and take it in, but found that it would be too weird to do, even though he’d probably never find out.</p><p>Trying to dry off the rest of her hair and having put her clothes out to dry, she went back to him, finding him in the kitchen, back turned to her, moving about completely of in his own little world as he brewed some coffee for both of them. She didn’t move, silently watching him, leaning against the doorpost. She didn’t want to disturb him, wanted to watch him for a little while longer and pretend that this was a normal day for them.</p><p>She knew she was being stupid, like a love-struck fool. She knew she was, but had found out long ago that she couldn’t help it. Truth to be told, her feelings for him were only growing with every moment she spent with him, with everything she learned about him. She kept falling deeper and deeper in love.</p><p>Having poured the coffee, he turned, eyes meeting right away. She looked back at him, feeling her face flush when their eyes met. She sat down at his table, across of him, for she didn’t dare to sit next to him. Besides, it would make talking easier. She watched him take a sip from his coffee. Her eyes darted to his hands, feeling his former touch on her own resurface, as if he had just held her hand a second ago. He caught her staring, asking curious what was on her mind. Before she thought it through, she blurted out that she liked his hands.</p><p>He stiffened at her comment, then shook his head with a sad smile. ‘No, you don’t.’</p><p>‘Yes, I do!’ she snapped, not understanding why her compliment had made him smile so sadly. There was something he was hiding from her, she was sure of it. Not that she minded, well maybe a little, but everyone was entitled to have secrets of his own. She did too. She just didn’t like the fact that, every time she complimented him, that he got that sad smile and brushed off her words like they didn’t mean anything to him.</p><p>He must have sensed her frustration, for he sent her an apologizing smile, telling her that it was hard to believe such words when he was convinced it to be otherwise. He told her that he didn’t like his hands, not in the least, due to his past. She opened her mouth to ask him what happened in his past, but one look at his face told her that he wouldn’t tell her. No matter how much she’d pester him. So she closed her mouth, swallowing the questions that lingered on her tongue. Instead of asking the questions on her mind, she took one of his hands in her own. Pressing their palms together, she held them up for him to see, telling him how strong his hands were, yet always touched things so gently. Even now, she told him, she could feel him wanting to pull away, as if he was afraid to break her, if he pressed against her hands too much. She told him that she liked the way his hands, of late, always touched her gently. Yet, when he held her hand firmly during running, she had still felt his kindness in his touch, making her feel safe.</p><p>She told him this, feeling embarrassed about lying her soul bare to him, telling him thoughts that she’d never thought she’d say. She didn’t even dare to look at him, afraid of his reaction at her words. Her face felt like she was burning. No doubt that she was red beyond her ears. But she felt like she should convey this to him, for some reason. If it could make him feel a little bit better about himself, even just a little, than that was fine. Then this embarrassing situation was worth every second of it.</p><p>His hand fell away. His warmth faded with it. She put her hand back on the table, still unable to look him in the eye. Her eyes stared at the cup of coffee in front of her, heart racing inside her chest, her mind reeling of what she had just done and said, wondering what would happened next. She had probably messed up, so incredibly badly. This was the end of it. She was sure of it. And without him ever knowing how she felt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will Koma be able to take her doubt away?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He couldn’t believe his ears when he heard her words. He couldn’t believe that the woman sitting across of him was looking so endearing while she spoke. He couldn’t believe that she had took his hand and had pressed them together on her own initiative.</p>
<p>                He pulled his hand away, meaning to close the distance between them by going around the table, but saw her wavering reaction when he pulled his hand away from hers. Knowing her, she probably thought that she’d messed up. That it didn’t mean anything to him, while meant so much. He hated his hands for killing people with them back in his day. He hated the fact that his hands were bloodstained. He hated it that, whenever he touched her, he’d taint her as well, in an indirect way. The blood on his hands were his sins to bear, not hers. That was the only reason why he hadn’t touched her more, why he pulled his hands away, while he wanted to touch her so badly.</p>
<p>                He thought that he had been doing the right thing by taking things ever so slow with her, yet now he realized that it caused her to doubt. His past was still holding him back, while he knew that he needed to move forward. If possible with her. In a way, he needed her. But to do so, he needed to make sure that she didn’t feel any doubt. That it was fine to move forward, to take the next step. To convey in one another, someday, for real, when he had the courage to tell her everything. But he didn’t have to courage to spill his guts, didn’t have to courage to convey everything to her. He did, however, find the courage to take a step forward. If her doubts would ease a bit by touching her, then he would.</p>
<p>                Quickly he stood up. Silently cursing himself when he did, for he noticed her flinch. She probably thought that he was angry or annoyed with her, which he wasn’t. Not in the least. Truth to be told, he was glad. Glad that someone took the time to tell him the good about himself, since he couldn’t see it. All he saw were his sins and flaws. She saw his flaws, he was sure of it, but she also saw what was good about him and didn’t hesitate to tell him so. It was hard, for the good things were more difficult to accept than the bad, but it was nice to know that someone took the time to see them and point them out.</p>
<p>                He sat down next to her, calling her softly by her name. She stirred, but didn’t look at him. Her long curls had fallen across her face, making it impossible for him to make out her expression. Carefully, he brushed her hair aside. Upon his action she stiffened a bit, slowly turning her head to face him. Shy, unsure and full of doubt.</p>
<p>                He let his fingertips brush her cheek, watching her reaction closely, not wanting to scare her or overstep her boundary. She looked at him, a questioning look lingering in her eyes, then she looked away. Cursing inside himself for having dragged this out too long, he meant to press on. She needed to know how he felt, one way or another. It was now or never.</p>
<p>                Ever so gently, he took hold of her chin, lifting up her face so he could actually see her. She opened her mouth, probably wanting to apologize or ask what he was doing. He never gave her that chance. Before she could, before he could change his mind, he kissed her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How will she react to his kiss?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wide eyed with shock and surprise she pulled back, a soft gasp escaping her lips when she did. Her mind was reeling, trying to comprehend what he’d just done. Her lips still felt the sensation of his on her own. Her body felt warm, as if she was on fire. Her heart raced in her chest, so loud and hard that she was sure that he could hear it.</p>
<p>                He stared back at her, frozen in place. His expression a mixture of embarrassment and regret. Flashing her a sad smile, he looked away, shaking his head when he did. Muttering an apology, she noticed that he was about to get up. She didn’t want him to. He didn’t need to. He didn’t need to, for he hadn’t done anything wrong.</p>
<p>                Meaning to stop him from leaving, she reached out to him, grabbing the sleeve of his blouse, wanting to keep him in place, wanting to explain her reaction to him, yet to her displeasure, she couldn’t get the words she meant to speak come out. So instead she begged him with her eyes to stay put, biting her lower lip when she did.</p>
<p>                She saw him waver, eyes lingering on her face with a silent question, trying to find an answer that she couldn’t give with spoken words. Whatever he was looking for, whatever he found, it wasn’t enough to keep him from standing up. She felt the sleeve tug at her grip when he tried again, but she refused to let go. She tightened her grip, pulling him back. Shifting her weight, she sat on her knees, wanting to put her face closer to his. Sitting on her knees, she brushed his cheek with her free hand, caressing his skin with her thumb.</p>
<p>                He stiffened again, wavered. She noticed this, saw it flash in his eyes, saw the tension in his shoulders. Then he relaxed, a sigh escaping his lips when he closed his eyes for a few seconds. She smiled at his reaction, glad that she had been able to convince him to stay, that he understood it was all right. Wanting to take this chance, she whispered his name. Through half closed eyes, he gazed at her. There was something in the way he gazed at her that made her feel ablaze from the inside. He leaned in, brushing his lips over hers, almost begging her for permission. She kissed him back, shyly, part of her still trying to realize that she was actually kissing the man with who she had been in love with for so long. Encouraged by her reaction, he deepened the kiss. His hands sneaking around her waist to pull her closer.</p>
<p>                She gasped when he did, loving the feeling of his strong hands on her body. In reply, she wrapped her arms around his neck, going with one hand through his hair. It was softer than she had expected. Breaking the kiss for a short moment, he murmured her name, letting his forehead rest against her own, one hand caressing her cheek. It was a sweet gesture, loving, yet it felt almost as if he meant to confirm that it was real. That she was truly still there at his side. Despite her joy, it made her feel a bit sad as well. Wanting to take away his doubt, she whispered his name once more before kissing him again. She was still there, with him. She finally had him and now that she did, she wasn’t planning on letting him go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What happened after their kiss...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He couldn’t stop himself from smiling like a big idiot. During his shift Irimi kept complaining about it, telling him it was creepy. He tried, but found the smile kept tugging at his lips and so he had given up not smiling altogether, telling his rival that it was just something she’d have to deal with it. It resulted in their usual bickering.</p>
<p>                Truth to be told, he couldn’t be happier. He had the woman he had longed for, for two whole years, finally and officially for himself. Sure, there were going to be a lot of hurdles on the way, like Touka and Irimi kept pointing out. And he was terrified of what she’d do, when she’d find out that he was a ghoul. But after last night, he’d rather take the gamble some day and lose her, yet knowing what they had together had been real, than not trying and have her stolen away by some other man. That thought, that someone else might try to lay a hand on her, might even try to steal a kiss, infuriated him. Thinking about it made him feel a twinge of jealousy. So he’d rather keep her to himself for as long as possible, able to call her his woman and risk of losing her when she’d ever find out the truth about him than losing her any other way. He had her now and he was content with that.</p>
<p>                His phone vibrated inside his back pocket. Considering there were no costumers at that moment, he checked his phone, smile on his face widening when he read her message. She missed him, kept thinking of him, asking if they could meet up today. Quickly he replied that they could, his shift and her work ended around the same time. He told her that he missed her too, that she was on his mind every second of the day.</p>
<p>                Behind him Irimi complained, probably with rolling her eyes to the ceiling, that he needed to stop like a love-struck high schooler. He waved her words away, claiming that she was just jealous because he had this wonderful woman all to himself and Irimi herself was still single. His colleague scoffed at his words, yet didn’t argue any further with him. For that he was glad, as his phone vibrated again. Opening the text his heart leaped again with joy. He’d see her again, in just a few hours.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~</p>
<p>She ran as fast as she could. All night and all day she had been thinking of him, replaying yesterday night over and over inside her mind. They had kissed, something she still could hardly believe. It had been a shame that all too soon she had needed to go home, for she had to start working early in the morning. Having waited a bit for the rain to subside, he had walked her home sharing an umbrella, like a scene from one of those corny movies. No matter how corny, she had loved every second of it. After walking her home, she had lingered at her door, not wanting to be parted from him, wanting to remain at his side.</p>
<p>                As if thinking the same thing, he had lingered as well, though finally telling her that it might be best if he went home. He had sent her a crocked grin with a gleam in his eyes that, even with her inexperienced love-life, indicated that he actually wanted more. He had held back, probably for her sake and so she had obliged, though not after making him promise that he’d text her when he was safely home. He had agreed.</p>
<p>                After sharing another kiss, with which he had left her gasping and wanting for more, almost changing her mind and inviting him in, he had left. Quick and swift, as if he had known what she had been thinking. However, downstairs he had turned, waving her goodbye, before hurrying back through the rain.</p>
<p>                She had lain awake almost the entire night, thinking of him. Short moments in which she had slept, moments in which she had dreamed that he was still at her side, that she had invited him in after all. She had slept through her alarm-clock, barely making it in time for work. At work she had had trouble concentrating, checking her phone time and time again. They had texted all day and now she was finally going to see him again.</p>
<p>                It felt weird, nuts and downright crazy to be so madly in love with one person. It almost felt like an obsession. As if her entire world suddenly revolved around him. If she had her way, she’d see him all day, every day. But that wasn’t possible. And besides, it was just the beginning. There was no need to rush things. They had all the time in the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It took them a while to get this far, but they still have a bumpy road ahead. For all my readers, thank you so much for joining them so far! I hope you will continue to join them in the dance :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Insight in their new relationship. Will they be able to keep it up?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had a bit of trouble with the lay-out of this chapter and couldn't get it right. So it might look a bit messy. The chapter is also a bit long this time. Either way, enjoy the read :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Though they were in a relationship, she still came by during his shifts, at the same time, sat at the same table, ordering the same coffee. When he asked her why, she brightly replied that she couldn’t shake off the habit of going to watch him work. Besides, she added, she liked the relaxing atmosphere at Anteiku, for the place always calmed her down no matter how busy or stressed she was. He was glad at that, for it gave him extra time to spend with his girl.   </p>
<p>                There was also a new employer at Anteiku. An university student called Kaneki Ken. A unfortunate fellow who, through circumstances, had turned into a half-ghoul. The manager, kind man as he was, had offered the young man to stay as an employer, making him a new colleague. Something of course she noticed right away, inquiring who the boy was. He told her, at best as possible, who their new colleague was without giving away too much detail.</p>
<p>                He hated the fact that his own ghoul side was still a secret. Even after those few months they were dating, he still hadn’t had the courage to tell her. Spending time with her was wonderful. Every time felt like a gift, something precious and it truly was. Yet he found that it got harder and harder to keep his secret. Staying at each other’s place was hard, for it meant sharing dinner together. Dinner she always cooked, for he had told her that his cooking was awful. Not that she minded, as she kept telling him that she loved to cook for him. Which only pained him more when he had to throw up all her hard work every single time in secret, while lying to her about how delicious it had tasted when she inquired how it tasted.</p>
<p>                Seeing Kaneki struggle with his new found ghoul appetite only reminded him of this. But at least Kaneki had known the taste of human food. Koma knew that he’d never know how her cooking would ever taste, and for that he was a little jealous of his new colleague, for he died to how chocolate truly tasted. Chocolate she was so fond of.</p>
<p>                His food struggles and his secrets aside, there were a lot of things that made his daily struggles and fears bearable. First were the mornings. He loved the mornings whenever they had spent the night together. Every single time, he could wake up and the first person he saw was her. Her bed-head always made him chuckle. Unruly as her long red curls were, it was worse in the mornings, looking like a bird nest. Her smile was always sleepy. His name was always the first thing she whispered, before kissing him. He always answered her greetings, letting his hands shamelessly roam her soft skin. Her scent was always in his nose, though he now truly enjoyed it than associating it with hunger.</p>
<p>                Sometimes he woke up, finding her gone. Whenever she was, he went looking for her, his old fears resurfacing that it all had been a dream and that she had never been his in the first place or that she had found out about him and left him, never wanting to see him again. But he always found her soon enough. Sometimes, she came back from the toilet, goosebumps on her bare skin, hurrying back into bed with him, pressing her cold body against his in search for warmth, which he always happily obliged to give. Other times, he found her in the kitchen, brewing coffee in the way he had taught her to, wearing his blouse or whatever garment of his she had found laying about. Then he’d walk up to her, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer, whishing he’d never have to let her go.</p>
<p>                Yes, he loved the mornings with her. But then again, he loved every moment he spend with her. Even though there were times when she’d drive him absolutely nuts. Having mixed blood in her veins made her a bit short tempered than the average Japanese women, combined with her being a true red-head, whenever she lost her temper, she lost it good. Then she’d call him names, in either Japanese, English or Gaelic, whichever suited her foul temper. He had long learned that cursing in Japanese was her “orange light”, as they had started to call it. Then she was simply beyond annoyed and after a few harsh words back and forth things went back to normal in a short time. Cursing in English was “red light”. Then she’d be officially pissed off and opened probably half her Pandora box, releasing her fury at whoever was close at hand, which was him, most of the time. Luckily that happened rarely and most of the time he wasn’t even at fault. Just a costumer, colleague or fellow student that had completely pissed her off. That could last a day or two, but since he was rarely at fault himself, he had found a few ways to calm her down, which seemed to work so far.</p>
<p>               He had, however, managed to tick her off one time so badly in which she had started to curse at him in Gaelic and truth to be told, he didn’t want to experience that ever again. A raging mob of hungry, angry ghouls or ghoul investigators from the CCG were, in his eyes, easier to handle than a raging girlfriend cursing at him in another language he didn’t understand a word of. English, he had started to recognize a few words and, with her help, could even now speak a few words, but Gaelic was one big mystery to him. It had been a onetime thing and he meant to keep it that way. Never again.</p>
<p>He had been at fault back then, in that he was completely honest, and her anger had been justified. But… never again. She had cursed at him, calling him whatever obscene and cruel words she had thrown at him in that blasted language. Then threw a few things, of which was the first time and her aim had been far better than he had expected. She had thrown one of her clock tools at his head, followed by a cup, his coffee and a few other things, before storming right out of her apartment. She had been gone for hours that day, in which he had been worried sick, for he hadn’t known what to do. Either go after her or stay put, in case she came back. Neither option had seemed the better option and later on, after they had talked it over, he had been right. Either way, she had come back later, throwing him out, slamming the door in his face and hadn’t spoken to him for almost two entire weeks. Two horrible, long weeks in which he thought he’d lost her forever. She hadn’t replied to his texts nor his calls back then and had even stopped coming to Anteiku, to surprise of his colleagues, who had pestered him what had gone wrong, as they had thought she’d stopped coming because she had found out about him being a ghoul. Which hadn’t been the case, though thinking back, he did wonder if that was a possible reaction, if he’d ever have the courage to tell her. He hoped not.</p>
<p>Luckily after two weeks, she had contacted him again and they had talked it over. She had apologized to him for her behavior and had made it up to him with delicious made out session which had resulted in a very passionate, slightly rough, night in the bedroom. Of which he had no complains.</p>
<p>Which made him think about Christmas. The thought of Christmas made him shiver with delight and excitement. Dinner, horrible, as usual and nearly turned into a big fiasco due to the fact that he had eaten a little bit too much to please her and nearly thrown up all over the table. He had managed to stir himself through the situation, though that part was hazy. Her present for him, however, was clearly branded in his memory, something he’d never forget. She had told him that she had a present for him and had darted to her bedroom with a cute skip in her walk, which she always got when she was excited about something. He had waited for her to come out, though as the minutes passed by, he had gotten a bit worried. Then she had called out for him, asking for his help. Wanting to know what was going on, he had hurried to the bedroom, only finding her lying on the bed in very revealing black, silk lingerie, with matching stockings. She had even wore high heels, something she rarely did, black ones, matching her lingerie. Her curls had lain spread about on the sheets and pillows, one strand of hair clinging to her red painted lips. A vision to behold and the best present ever. It had been a wonderful Christmas, mostly spent in bed, where he had shamelessly devoured her, in a way.</p>
<p>She called out to him, smiling playfully, asking what he was thinking about when he handed her the coffee. Leaning forward, he softly whispered in her ear, ‘Christmas.’</p>
<p>She flushed at his words, biting her lower lip, eyes darting over his face. She was thinking about it now as well and he loved the expression on her face and the gleam in her eyes she had. If it hadn’t been for his shift, if it hadn’t been for the costumers and his colleagues around them, he’d have his way with her right then, knowing she’d let him. Alas, he had to wait, but at least he had something to look forward to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're getting closer to her finding out that Koma is, in fact, a ghoul. But not yet...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An upcoming surprise for our dear ghoul and a little hunch.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With a skip in her step, she made her way to Anteiku where she knew he’d be. After all, it was his shift and she was dying to see him again after a day’s work. Being in a relationship with him was absolutely wonderful. To her, he was the best man ever, even with his odd habits and flaws. Nobody was perfect but despite everything, in her eyes, he was. She wouldn’t trade him for the world. Even Lottie had admitted that Enji was a good boyfriend. Lottie and Enji were on good terms, terms that went further than mere tolerance, which she was glad about. It meant that she could spend time with the both of them, without having to worry whether they’d be at each other’s throats whenever she wasn’t looking. Enji didn’t like, however, how Lottie seemed to go from one guy to another, not understand why her friend couldn’t just wait for the right person. She had tried to explain Lottie to him, but had given up. Some things just couldn’t be explained in words and Lottie’s “men hopping”, as Enji called it, was one of them.</p>
<p>                There was a small thing that did bother her about Enji and that was his strange behavior while they either ate out and whenever she cooked for him. He always claimed to enjoy the food and at first, she had believed it without a second thought. But as time passed and she got to know him better and better, she noticed the small hints that he disliked practically any type of food that he ate. Despite his efforts to hide it, he never seemed to truly enjoy it. Like, never. Maybe he was an incredibly picky eater and was afraid to say anything about it, which was sweet of him, but she rather have him tell it to her face. Or there was something else that he was hiding from her. Something that would explain a few more things. She had meant to ask him whether her hunch was right, but was afraid to ask. Afraid of his reaction. Afraid of what she’d do, if her hunch was true. Afraid of what it would do to their relationship.</p>
<p>                She had decided that she’d wait until he’d come clean about it himself, not wanting to force the answer out of him. She’d wait until he was ready to tell her. She only hoped that they’d both have the courage to remain together when he did. Knowing him, he’d probably think she’d be disgusted with him and run. Her own reaction would probably depend on how he told her, though she was sure that, in the end, it wouldn’t matter. She intended to keep him at her side, if he’d let her. She hoped that he would, as she had already thought of a few solutions for the obstacles that might occur. But first things first.</p>
<p>                Opening the door, she happily greeted everyone present. Spotting her boyfriend, she held back the urge to run up to him and wrap her arms around him. After all, he was working and public affection was frowned upon, one of the few things she disliked about the country. Showing a bit affection shouldn’t hurt anyone and she’d love to kiss him briefly before sitting down. Instead, she did what she normally did. The moment their eyes met, she blew him a quick kiss, before sitting down at her usual table.</p>
<p>                She watched him brew the coffee. Eyes staring a bit absentmindedly when he did. He was thinking about something, she could tell even from the distance. Like always she wondered what was on his mind. Even when he brought her the coffee, he still had this absentminded look on his face. Calling out his name, she finally got his attention. He leaned closer, whispering in her ear, ‘Christmas.’ It took her all her self-control not to moan out loud. She remembered their first Christmas alright.</p>
<p>                She had asked Lottie for advice, wanting to surprise Enji. Her friend had immediately made the suggestion, claiming that every man would love his girl in some sexy undergarments. Though feeling embarrassed by the thought, she had gone shopping with Lottie, searching for a pair that would suit her and would be to his liking. After one hell of an embarrassing day, she had found the right one. Lottie had given her some other tips about her lipstick and such, telling her to make sure to dress the part properly. So it had been done.</p>
<p>                With a heartbeat so quick and loud that she had wondered why Enji hadn’t heard it racing inside her chest that night, she had eventually gotten up to change, doing exactly what Lottie had told her. And damn had it worked like a charm. She’d never forget that night for as long as she lived. She had thanked Lottie from the bottom her heart, her friend utterly delighted and pleased when she had told her friend all about it.</p>
<p>                She waited for his shift to end, not wanting to drop the bomb on him at work, yet she found that she could hardly wait to tell him. He must have noticed her excitement, for he sent her a questioning look from time to time. But telling him wasn’t the only thing on her mind. The look he had given her and the reminder of Christmas had also made her excited for something entirely different.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise will become clear in the next chapter :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will he be able to take the next step?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He stared at the flyers that she had laid out on the table. They sat at her regular table at Anteiku. It was passed closing time already and they were officially closed, but apparently whatever had been on her mind hadn’t been able to wait until they had made it to his apartment. The manager hadn’t minded that they’d talk for a little while in the café. The older ghoul had probably sensed her excitement. After thanking the older male, Koma had sat down at her table, asking her what her excitement was about.</p>
<p>                First she had told him that, the moment she’d graduate from college, she’d have a steady contract at her current job. Which would be this spring and then she’d be a “free woman”, as she always called it. That had been the easy part, as it was great news and he was genuinely happy that she had already secured a steady job for the future.</p>
<p>                Now, however, he was facing a small challenge. Well, small was an understatement. Though he was overjoyed that she thought about their future together, the flyers immediately reminded him of the fact that he still hadn’t told her about him being a ghoul, and that while almost a year of a steady relationship.</p>
<p>                She wanted to live together.</p>
<p>                He loved the idea. He truly did. He had thought about it himself. Had even looked up apartments a couple of times, imagining what it would be like to be around her twenty-four-seven. But the fact that she didn’t know that he was a ghoul had always held him back. He just couldn’t find a solution for his food, if they decided to take that next step. He couldn’t keep human meat around, if they lived together, she’d find out in no time at all. Nor could he disappear every time to get some food whenever he was hungry. That would be very suspicious.</p>
<p>                ‘Enji?’ She called his name, eager for his reaction. She was still excited, nearly bouncing up and down on her chair. She looked cute like that, like a little child in a candy store. ‘What do you think?’</p>
<p>She pointed at one flyer, the one she liked the most. It was perfect in both price, location and space. He knew that she had put a lot of thought in it. Probably going over and over about it in her mind, until she was absolutely certain that it would be right for them. And it was. If he had to pick, the apartment she pointed out was perfect for them.</p>
<p>                If only… if only she was either a ghoul or he’d be human, he could have said ‘yes’ without a second thought. Now he found that, despite that he wanted it, he couldn’t. Hell, he could barely move. It took him all his self-control not to freak out and spill his guts right then and there. Worse, he could barely remember to breath.</p>
<p>                He was making matters worse. That he could tell. She sent him a questioning look, her excitement fading from her face and eyes. She tilted her head to one side, a slight pout on her face, asking if he didn’t want to. Telling him that, if he wasn’t ready for this step, it was fine. She could wait. Hearing her say that, broke his heart. He’d love to move in together. He truly did. If only…</p>
<p>                If only she knew. If only there was a small chance she’d accept that he was a ghoul, he’d move in with her tonight. He wanted to tell her so badly, especially now was the right time. If he wanted to move forward with her, he’d have to tell her. The timing was perfect. But he was terrified. Terrified of losing her and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.</p>
<p>                He felt sick, feeling like he was driven into a corner. But he had to break it to her. He had to. If he didn’t do it now, he never would. Sucking in a deep breath, he looked at her, his hands trembling on his lap. His eyes darted over her face, wanting to memorize everything about her, before she’d disappear altogether, probably feeling disgusted and horrified with his true self. His voice shook when he spoke. ‘I gotta tell you something.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will he find the courage to tell her? And if he does, what will her reaction be?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She watched his reaction as she spoke about her job. Saw the joy in his eyes, as he praised her. That same joy faded from his eyes when she showed him the flyers of the apartments she had found. At first she thought it had just been from surprise. That she understood, for she kind of dropped a bomb on him, without actually discussing it first. But she had seen the flyers a few days ago, had carried them around all the time, going over them again and again, the image of living together taking shape in her mind whenever she did.</p>
<p>                She gave him time to recollect himself, to take it all in, hoping that his expression would change for the better. But it didn’t. His expression became graver, almost close to panic. Whatever he was thinking, whatever he was struggling with, it wasn’t good. Quickly, she tried to lessen the damage, telling him that it was fine if he wasn’t ready for the next step, that she could wait and keep things going as they were. But her words seemed to fall on deaf ears.</p>
<p>                He sucked in a deep breath, looking at her with an expression on his face as if it was the last time he’d see her. His expression terrified her, making her wonder whether she had gone too far, that he wanted to break up. But what terrified her more was that he trembled. She could see it from across the table. He looked like a terrified animal, driven into a corner. She never meant to make him feel that way.</p>
<p>                His voice shook when he told that her needed to tell her something.</p>
<p>                She nodded, telling him that, whatever it was, that he could tell her anything. She could only hope that it was enough to ease him a bit, though she herself was now far from calm. She braced herself for what he might tell her, though she started to get the feeling that it had something to do with her hunch. She hoped it was her hunch. She truly hoped that it was the case. That she could deal with, she was sure of it. As long as he didn’t tell her that he was already married or something. Or that they’d needed to break up, because of something small and stupid. Or anything else.</p>
<p>                She watched him, waiting patiently for him to continue. He wavered, hesitated. His eyes darted from her face to the table and back again. A few times he opened his mouth, a small croak escaping his lips, but no words came out. A few times, he looked as if he meant to get up and leave her there, yet refrained himself from leaving.</p>
<p>                She hated seeing him like that. Whatever was weighting on his mind and his shoulders, it weighted him down terribly. All his normal confidence was nowhere to be found. Across the table sat a shell of him, probably the most vulnerable part of him that she’d ever seen.</p>
<p>                Wanting to help him, she reached out to him, taking one of his hands in her own, intertwining their fingers. She wanted to let him know that she was still there, that she was ready to hear his troubles. He nearly pulled away, decided against it and kept their fingers intertwined. He looked up at her, with an expression so sad it broke her heart.</p>
<p>                Then, slowly, both his irises changed red. His sclera changed black with red veins across the eyes and the skin around them. Kakugan, a sign that he was a ghoul.</p>
<p>                She watched the change before her eyes. Had she been worried about feeling disgusted or horrified before, truth to be told, she didn’t feel any of those negative emotions. All she felt was relief. Parts about him that she had wondered about fell into place. The flash of red in his eyes whenever he got excited, she had always thought that she had imagined. His incredibly picky eating manners. The reasons why he sometimes felt a bit distant, as if he had to hold himself back. The fact that he sometimes looked at her as if it was their last day together. It all fell into place.</p>
<p>                Her hunch had been right. He was a ghoul. But despite that, he was still Enji, the man she loved so dearly.</p>
<p>                She leaned forward, brushing his cheek with her fingertips. He flinched, pulled back a bit, eyes wide with shock. His mouth open, yet no words came out. He stared at her, dumbfounded. She whispered his name, telling him that it was alright.</p>
<p>                He jumped up, chair clattering loud on the wooden floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How will he react?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He decided to activate his kakugan, seeing no other way to tell her what he truly was, as words seemed to fail him. When he did, he watched her reaction carefully, ready for any trace or hint of disgust or fear. To his surprise, neither of them flashed across her face or in her eyes. To his surprise, all he saw was relief.</p>
<p>                She shouldn’t be relieved at seeing this side of him. She just shouldn’t. He was a ghoul for crying out loud! She should be disgusted with him, horrified, yell and curse at him for leading her on. For lying to her all this time, that she’d never wanted to see him ever again, that she’d turn him in at the CCG. She should scream at him, horrified, throw things at him to ward him off and storm out of the café.</p>
<p>                She did neither of all those things. Instead, she leaned forward, brushing his cheek with her fingertips ever so gently, keeping her other hand intertwined with his.    </p>
<p>                He flinched beneath her touch. He could only stare at her, eyes wide with shock. His mouth open, meaning to ask her what was wrong with her, whether she understood what he’d just shown her. But no words made it passed his lips. All he could do was stare at her, dumbfounded.</p>
<p>                She whispered his name, ever so sweetly, so lovingly, telling him that it was alright.</p>
<p>                He had been so caught up in the worst-case scenarios, that he’d never stopped to think about what he’d do if she did accept him for what he truly was. He had never dared to dream that she actually would accept his ghoul side. Now that she did, he didn’t know what to think. Or what to do. Worse, just like most good things that she had told him about himself, he couldn’t believe her. He just couldn’t believe that she was accepting him for who he was. He just couldn’t.</p>
<p>                He jumped up from his chair, hearing the thing clatter on the floor by the sudden motion. She remained seated, frozen in place, probably more by his sudden reaction than the fact that he was a ghoul. Why wasn’t she afraid of him, like all humans were? He was a monster! He ate her kind to survive! She has been dating a monster all this time! Bedded him even! Why couldn’t she understand that?! Why wasn’t she disgusted with what he was?!</p>
<p>                He told her this, well yelled at her more likely. He flung the words at her, his voice close to breaking, as he was destroying everything that he held dear. In his desperation, he activated his kagune, meaning to push her away, to make her understand what she was dealing with.</p>
<p>                She stirred when he had no more words left to fling at her. He stared at her. He was sure that she’d leave. That she’d be out of his life forever. He was so very sure of it.</p>
<p>                She didn’t. She got up, ran towards him, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tight, as if she was afraid that he’d leave instead of the other way around.</p>
<p>                He stood there, frozen in place, trying to comprehend what just happened. Even after everything he had shown her, had yelled at her, she remained. She hadn’t left… She hadn’t…</p>
<p>He sunk to his knees, she followed, still holding him as if for dear life.</p>
<p>                ‘It’s alright.’ Her words came out softer than a whisper, barely audible, even though she was so close. She repeated them again. Then, slowly, softly, she told him that she was relieved to know. That she’d had a hunch for a while now. That she still wanted to be with him, no matter what.</p>
<p>                He listened to her, unable to speak, unable to even move a muscle. He heard her voice break, felt her shoulders shake and knew that she was crying. As he heard her words, the truth they held slowly started to sink in. She’d had her suspicions and had come her own conclusion. She had waited all this time for him to come clean, just because she hadn’t wanted to pry. Yet all the while, she had remained at his side, something that she didn’t want to change.</p>
<p>                Hearing all this, seeing her reaction, knowing that despite him being a ghoul, she was still there and wouldn’t go anywhere, made him feel relieved. A weight was lifted from his shoulders. He felt himself relax a bit in her embrace. She stirred, probably sensing the tension lift from his shoulders. Her embrace fell away. For a split second, he thought that she had changed her mind, until she kissed him. Sweetly. He could taste her tears when she did. He kissed her back. Carefully, as part of him was still afraid that she’d leave him. She didn’t. His reaction only seemed to encourage her to kiss him back again. Then she pulled away, smiling at him through her tears.</p>
<p>                ‘I love you, Enji.’ Hearing her say that, hearing those sweet words, made him something inside of him break.</p>
<p>                He wept.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Koma took one big step forward, but they're not there yet. The dance is nowhere near complete...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The moment after his confession.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn’t know for how long he had sat in her embrace, weeping of joy and relief at her acceptance and her love for him. She had been the one to break the moment, telling him that Yoshimura was still waiting for them to end their conversation. Holding his hand, they apologized to the manager for causing such trouble. The older ghoul merely brushed it off, saying that it had been necessary but that he was glad to see that everything had turned out well. Whether she put two and two together, that the manager was a ghoul as well, Koma could only guess. If she did, she didn’t comment on it and for that he was grateful. He had enough to process from today.</p>
<p>                They went to his apartment, walking in silence, holding hands, both lost in thoughts. She gazed at him from time to time, smiling sweetly and squeezing his hand gently. Silently telling him that everything was still fine, that she was still at his side.</p>
<p>                At his apartment, he hesitantly asked her inside, wondering if she would. She did. Without any hesitation she stepped over his doorstep, like she had done so many a time before. Still holding his hand, she led him to his bedroom. There she sat him down, sitting on his lap, kissing him lovingly.</p>
<p>                He murmured her name between the kisses, asking her if it was all right that, now that she knew, he could come clean altogether. That he wanted her to know his past as well. That he wanted her to know about his sins as well, before continuing where they had left off.</p>
<p>                To his relief, she didn’t mind. Quite the opposite. She seemed glad with his suggestion.</p>
<p>                Lying down on his bed, he told her everything. About the people he had killed, about his gang. Everything, leaving nothing out. He wanted her to know. He needed her to know. After that, she could decide whether still she wanted to live with him.</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>She lay down next to him, one hand resting on his chest, holding his blouse tightly, afraid that he’d leave if she didn’t. The other hand held his hand from the arm that was wrapped around her waist. In silence she listened to him, watching him carefully when he spoke. He truly meant to come clean, though she could tell it was a hard thing to do. She could feel him tense, saw him waver. She held no doubt that he still expected her to leave him, after learning all about him.</p>
<p>                He told her about all the people he had killed, both for food and for fun. About all the strong investigators he had sought out, just to kill them. About his rivalry with another ghoul gang. How Yoshimura had met him and how he got his job at Anteiku. How he had changed his ways, hopefully for the better. All the way until he met her and his fears when they started dating.</p>
<p>                When he was done, she remained silent for a short while. Processing all the information that he had told her. He waited, though she could see the tension plain on his face. She told him that she still felt the same way, that she still loved him. That he was still her Enji. But that she was glad that he had told her, that he had trusted her enough to come clean.</p>
<p>                As she spoke, she noticed the tension disappear from his face, felt him relax beneath her touch. A sigh escaped his lips, as he closed his eyes. Only then she realized how hard this must have been for him. He had risked everything by coming clean with her. Had she reacted any different, it could have means the end of him. In the worst case, she could have turned him in with the CCG.</p>
<p>                Softly she thanked him, for everything.</p>
<p>                He turned his head to face her, stroking her cheek with his free hand. The disbelief still lingering in his eyes. Disbelief she could now understand. Croaking, he asked if she wanted to stay. A suggestion which she happily obliged.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The morning after.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Groaning, he woke up. The moment he was, everything about last night came crashing down on him. His confession, her reaction about him being a ghoul. His second confession about his sins. Everything. She had stayed in his arms. He remembered her being there, as he had drifted off to sleep. He was certain that she had. Her scent was still on his sheets. It was warm even. But she was nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>                Fear took him, afraid that she had changed her mind with the morning and had left. His eyes darted through his room, searching for any trace of her. He found none.</p>
<p>                A soft curse came from somewhere in his apartment, followed by hurried footsteps. Hurried footsteps he recognized all too well. His fears left him altogether when she appeared in his doorway, wearing one of his blouses, which she probably had just grabbed from somewhere. Like she always did when she stayed over. Her bed-head was worse than usual. She beamed at him, bright smile on her face. She was still the same.</p>
<p>                He smiled back at her, a little hesitant than normal, that he knew, but also overjoyed that she had truly stayed. He spread his arms, inviting her over. She darted over right away, nearly jumping on him when she reached the bed. In no time at all their lips had found each other. His hands wandered over her body, desperately to touch her, to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming.</p>
<p>                Too soon she broke their kiss, smile still on her face. Sitting on his stomach, she told him that she had called off work, both his and her own. That she wanted to spent today, just the two of them. No interruptions, no other people. Before he could ask whether their jobs would approve, she told him it was fine, though they both did have to work tomorrow because of it.</p>
<p>                He nodded, liking the idea to have today off. To be able to spent it with her, especially after everything that had happened yesterday. She leaned forward, giving him a very tempting view of her full breasts. Her lips found his own again, soft and passionately, in the way only she could kiss him. She was intoxicating, like a drug, always managing to excite him to the very core of his being. Normally he’d have to hold back, for his kakugan also lurked around the corner whenever he got excited. But not this time. He let his kakugan free, breathing hard, wondering what she’d do.</p>
<p>                She smiled at him when she saw his eyes, commenting that it hadn’t been her imagination the few times before, when he had tried to keep it in check. Biting her lower lip, she fell silent for a few seconds, a playful gleam flashing in her eyes.</p>
<p>                He chuckled at her expression, asking her what was on her mind.</p>
<p>                Her smile widened before she spoke. Her face a beautiful mixture of bashfulness and excitement. Her question, however, left his dumbfounded once more. She asked him to wear his ghoul mask.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Whether he wore is mask and whether they will move in together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, hi, I meant to update... yesterday, but I got side-tracked with old Tokyo Ghoul fanfic and an idea for a new one, which I had to write down (Yes, all about Koma *chuckles* ). Haven't decided whether to put those on the site though.... decisions, decisions... Anyways, hope you enjoy the read!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She watched his back, seeing that his ears and neck were still red. She loved the fact that, even though her request had been odd, especially so soon after everything that they had gone through only yesterday, he had obliged. She had asked him to wear his ghoul mask in bed, though she had tossed the well-crafted thing away after a little while, wanting to feel his lips on her. She had wanted him to ravish her, like a ghoul. He had devoured her, in a way. Though she was sure that she’d have some bruising later on, she didn’t regret it. She had wanted him to take her, without having to hold back too much. Truth to be told, in a way, it had been just as exciting as Christmas. If not more.</p>
<p>                He put the coffee on the table, together with her toast and chocolate paste. For himself, he had a plate with meat. Though reluctant to eat human meat in front of her, she had convinced him that it was fine. That she wanted to have breakfast together with him, for real this time.</p>
<p>                He sat down. His face still flushed, kakugan still activated. Probably his hunger, his lingering excitement or a mixture of both. Truth to be told, she found his kakugan beautiful. The color red reminded her of the sunset that she had witnessed with him a while ago. She told him this, making him shake his head in surprise.</p>
<p>                He told her that he found that she took all it rather well. Far better than he had ever dared to hope. That he still couldn’t believe she wanted to remain at his side. That she had even suggested… He stopped talking for a second, a mixture of both excitement and embarrassment on his face. She giggled at this, gesturing him to continue. He took a deep breath, his eyes darting from her to his plate and back again, before he continued. That he couldn’t believe that he could have an actual meal with her.</p>
<p>                She told him that she had long thought about the possibility that he was a ghoul and had gone over in her mind, what to do if it turned out to be true. That having him wearing his possible ghoul mask in bed had actually been a fantasy of hers. She felt herself blush at this, feeling slightly embarrassed to confess. She earned an amused chuckle from him, playful gleam flashing through his eyes. She continued, that she had thought about a possible solution for his food, if they’d ever decided to move in together. He showed surprise at that, inquiring what she meant.</p>
<p>                So she told him, that he could just keep his food in the fridge, like he probably did right now at his own place. He could have a part of the fridge for his own use, so that their food wouldn’t get mixed up. That way he didn’t have to sneak around her back to eat and they could have meals together like any normal couple.</p>
<p>                ‘So… you still wanna….?’ She nodded at his question. She had made up her mind days ago that she wanted to take the next step with him, that she wanted to live together. Nothing could change that. She told him this, hoping that he’d understand.  </p>
<p>                He scratched the back of his head, slight frown on his face, yet his eyes held a joyful gleam. He told her that, if she was absolutely sure about all this, he’d love to move in together. On one condition, if she’d ever started to feel unsafe or disgusted around him, she’d leave and never look back. He didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret.</p>
<p>                It was typical of him to come up with something like that. She told him so, telling him that she was absolutely sure about it all, that she wanted to go through with it, no matter what. Yet she did promise him that she’d leave, if she ever felt unsafe or disgusted. If that’s what he needed to hear to make himself feel more at ease to take the next step with her, she would.</p>
<p>                Relieved, he looked at her. Leaning forward, he let his lips brush over her own. He pulled back before she could react, pointing at his food, sending her a crocked smile. Smiling she nodded, letting him know that she understood. He didn’t want to kiss her while tasting of human meat. Taking another bite, he gazed at her. Leaning on one hand, he asked, ‘So, my mask, huh?’</p>
<p>                She flushed at his question, before bursting into laughter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter they will officially move in toghether :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Moving in :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They decided on the apartment, arranged the papers, but not before bringing his colleagues the news. He had found out soon enough she had indeed put two and two together rather quickly. Understanding that Anteiku was run by ghouls and was, originally, for ghouls.</p>
<p>                Bringing the news that they were going to move in together was already shocking enough for most of them, as his colleagues saw a lot of complications on the road. But before they could voice them, she already casually told them the solution they had come up with. Well, her solution. And thereby also letting them know that she knew that he was a ghoul and knew about them too. </p>
<p>                He himself was still getting used to the fact that she had accepted all of him, that they had only grown closer since, that he could eat around her without having to worry about a thing. That she didn’t fear him. That he could just be himself.</p>
<p>                Heatless to say, it raised a fuss. Big time. Most of them flipped, not that he blamed them. Only Yoshimura remained calm under the circumstances. The manager calmed the entire group down, in the way only he could, but also inquiring whether the talk a few days ago had anything to do with her knowing about them being ghouls.</p>
<p>                He shook his head. He told them that he had only told her about himself back then, not wanting to betray them, that she had put two and two together herself. At his side, she nodded, confirming this, adding that she didn’t mind at all and would keep it a secret. That she wouldn’t tell a soul, not even her best friend. That she’d take it to the grave.</p>
<p>                Yoshimura believed her, thanking her for being so accepting. She told the older ghoul that it was nothing, that they were people too. That being a ghoul didn’t change who they were. At her words, the rest of them relaxed a bit, though they were still hesitant.</p>
<p>                Hearing her speak those words made him incredibly happy, and a bit proud of himself for finding such a woman to share his life with. Taking her hand in his, he couldn’t help but grin at her. She grinned back, that lovely boyish grin she could have.</p>
<p>                So they moved in the moment the arrangements were made. With the help of both their friends, everything went quicker than expected. Especially Yomo with his van was a huge help. The said ghoul also stocked the fridge while he was at it, making sure that Lottie wasn’t around when he did. Yomo’d drop by from time to time with fresh meat, whenever he himself was unable to stock. They had all decided that it wasn’t right for her to stock up on human meat. There are all afraid that she might get caught and get in trouble that she didn’t deserve.</p>
<p>                Stretching his arms, he let out a soft grunt. Finally, they had managed to put the final box in their apartment. Now all that was left was to unpack, something she was horrible at, considering that it had taken her two years to unpack the last time she had moved. He heard her curse in their spare room, probably putting her work-tools away, though it sounded as if it didn’t go so well. Snickering, he went to their spare room, finding her indeed throwing her arms in the air and scowl on her face, as she unsuccessfully tried to stack her tools away.</p>
<p>                His own things had been put away already, only hers were still scattered about. Before he helped her, he remained in the doorway, wanting to take in the amusing sight in front of him. Her little tantrums were both annoying, yet endearing at the same time. This time, it was more the latter. Amused, he asked her whether she needed help. Pouting at him, she waved her arms around, gesturing at the mess she had made, asking him why he even needed to ask.</p>
<p>                Shaking his head, he helped her put her things away. Which wasn’t all that easy. He found that he had trouble keeping his hands off her. Every time he got close to her, he just had to touch her. It didn’t help that she kept encouraging to him to do so, making him feel like he was seducing her all over again. But now he could do it more directly. He could shamelessly flirt with her, touch her and steal kisses, until their work was long forgotten and he held her panting and moaning his name on his lap.        </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Living together at least.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hated cleaning up, for she was never able to put her things away like she wanted. Instead of making things more tidy, she always managed to make more a mess than things already were. Luckily Enji was aware of this fact, helping her put her things away. Though they did progress rather slow. During their clean up, he kept seducing her, flirting shamelessly with her, touching her ever so subtle, yet in a way that made her want him, stealing kisses whenever he got the chance. He was putting her self-control on the test and she found that, when it came to him, she had none.</p>
<p>                He was driving her wild and more than once, they ended up making love instead of cleaning up. It was like they were a pair of newlyweds. A pair of love-struck fools at the beginning of their relationship. At the beginning, when you couldn’t keep your hands off the other. Not that she minded. In a way, it was like falling in love with him all over again. Only now without the awkwardness between them, testing each other’s boundaries, wondering what was appropriate and what not. Now he was flirting with her, bluntly and shamelessly. And she loved every moment of it.</p>
<p>                He even played out her fantasy on his own initiative. He’d sneak up on her, mask on, red eyes gleaming, voice slightly muffled. Rougher and a bit more forceful, yet always gentle and passionate. That side of him was a secret between them, like a forbidden drug. She loved that side of him.</p>
<p>                But that wasn’t the only things she loved about their moving in together. She loved the mornings, where he was the first person that she saw when she woke up. She loved the times that she could spend together, even though it only was a brief when he had to leave for work. She loved the way he greeted her when she got home and the meals they shared together. The list was endless.</p>
<p>                He had even tried to cook for her once, though he had messed up incredibly bad. He had hated it, pondering over and over of what he had done wrong when he had followed the recipe precisely. He had told her not to eat it, for he had ruined the meal, big time. He was a horribly cook, but since he had gone out of his way to surprise her with a home cooked meal, she had eaten the entire thing, despite his protests.</p>
<p>                Of course, there were times they argued. Sometimes even fought. His old foul temper would then shine through. Kakugan activated, snarling and growling at her, he would rage, letting part of his ghoul free. Yet he never hurt her. The worst thing he did was putting a few marks in the wall, something they repaired later on. Whenever he raged, she realized that, even now, she didn’t fear him, knowing he would never harm her. She just waited for him to cool off, most of the time. Unless he got a little too personal with his insults and her own short temper flared up. Then she’d confront him, yelling at him that she didn’t need to take his crap, even though he was a ghoul.</p>
<p>                But the best parts of living together were those lazy moments. Moments in which they just lay or sat lazily on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms, watching some movie or talking about meaningless, useless things. If she’d have her way, those moments could stay forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Stormy weather up ahead in the next chapters.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When things start to fall apart, taking steps forward is a hard thing to do.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unfortunately, despite their happiness together, things between the Doves and the ghouls started to get worse. It weighted on him, made him restless, as his friends were both directly and indirectly involved. Sometimes he had a few meetings to discuss the next course of action they should take or he had to work a couple extra shifts when the rest was away.</p>
<p>                She knew that it had something to do with Kaneki, of which she had learned was a one-eyed ghoul due to an organ transplant, and something about a couple of other ghoul organizations. Apparently, there were more one-eyed ghouls, though Enji never went into detail.</p>
<p>                She had asked him once or twice to explain what really went on, but he had merely smiled at her, saying that he didn’t want to involve her any further than she already was. That she didn’t need to know, only that things weren’t going well between some ghouls and that the Doves were breathing down their necks more than ever. Knowing more, would make her a possible target and he didn’t want to put her in harm’s way. That she was in a relationship with him was already dangerous enough. If ill-willing ghouls would find out, there’d be hell to pay. Same went for if the Doves would find out.</p>
<p>                So she didn’t pry him for answers or a further explanation. If he thought that it was the best decision than she accepted that. He knew his world and the dangers that lurked within.</p>
<p>To help him cope with everything that went on, she made sure that at least the home where he returned to was warm and safe. A place where he could still be himself and relax, so she made sure that most things went on like normal. She did ask him to teach her how to prepare human meat, just so she could put dinner on the table the moment he got home after a long day. Reluctant at first, he had finally explained her how to do so, after hearing her reasons.</p>
<p>                But even so, she found herself worried every time that he was away. Worried that the Doves had gotten him or that a ghoul from another group had ambushed him. Worried about for how long this would go on and how this would effect Enji on the long run. Worried about what might happen, if someone found out about her. She held no doubt that Enji would true and rescue her, no matter the cost, which only made her worry more.</p>
<p>                She knew that he was strong. He had told her so and even Irimi had admitted it, though the she-ghoul had made her promise to never tell Enji that she had said so. She had even done a bit of research to his ghoul name, the Devil Ape. Which was hard to find, mostly classified, but she had learned that he was a high ranked ghoul. Part of her was proud and felt like bragging to have such a strong lover, but it only added to her worries.</p>
<p>                He was already protective of her on a regular basis. Whenever a mere human male gazed at her wrongly, Enji had the habit of sending the said person a very hard glare, pulling her closer in a slight possessive manner, showing that she was already taken. The same could be said when one of his ghoul friends had joked that she had looked good enough to eat. Enji had nearly attacked the said ghoul, with the intent, he had later confessed, to tear him to shreds. Which was cute and normally she liked his protective, slightly possessive side of him. But if she truly got into trouble, then she held no doubt that he’d go through every length to save her, without any regard of his own well-being or even his life. It wouldn’t matter who his opponent was, which made her worry the most.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Before he has to leave.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He hated that he had to leave her in the dark about what precisely went on, but he couldn’t risk of her getting in too deep. He didn’t want to involve her in the grimmer, darker side of his world. There were too many risks and so he told her a little, finding that he owed her at least that much. That way she’d be able to understand as to why he sometimes stayed out later than normal or had to work a few extra shifts.</p>
<p>                At first, he had been afraid of her reaction when he’d told her that he didn’t want to involve her, especially when things went so well. But like with most things, he hadn’t need to worry. Even though she admitted not liking being left in the dark, she did understand. Instead of prying him for more information, she took it on herself to make things go on as normal as possible. With the only biggest change that she had pestered him to teach her how to prepare his food.</p>
<p>                He had accepted, though reluctant to do so, but after hearing her reason, how could he refuse? She had wanted to learn, for him. So he had taught her, though the thought of a human prepare him his meals, consisting of only human meat, felt a bit odd, to say the least. Worse of it all, or maybe not, depending on how one viewed it, she got the hang of it pretty quick.</p>
<p>                Even though they tried to keep things going as normal as possible, for both their sakes, he did notice that she worried about him. It were the little things. A glance in his direction. A word or two she uttered, probably unconscious of whether he’d hear. Lingering touches. The sheer relief on her face whenever he walked through the front door. The way she held him. Slight changes, but noticeable.</p>
<p>                He hated the fact that he made her worry so much, though they both knew that there was nothing to be done about, until the entire ordeal flew over. However long that might be.</p>
<p>                But the thing he hated the most, was that one night when he’d gotten home later than usual. Normally he’d give her a heads-up, to let her know when he’d be home. But circumstances had given him no time or place to do this. Afterwards, he had hurried home, only able to guess how she felt, feeling the guilt rising up inside of him for leaving her in the dark. When he got through the front door, she had jumped him, nearly knocking him over. She had burst into tears, crying her heart out, telling him how worried she had been, that something might have happened to him. That she had been afraid to never see him again. She had been inconsolable for roughly an hour. No matter what he had said or had tried, she had only cried and clung to him, as if he might disappear if she’d let go. Never again. He’d never want to see her like that again.</p>
<p>                Worse of it all, tomorrow he was going to help out with an operation due to the looming threat of a CCG raid, together with Irimi. They’d try to hold them off for as long as possible. A part of him was glad that he could finally take action and do something in return for Yoshimura, as he owed the older ghoul so much. But the other part of him was reluctant to go, the very reason standing in the kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee.</p>
<p>                Laying on the couch, he watched her move about, gazing at her, wanting to memorize everything about her. The baggy green sweater and blue jeans she wore. Her unruly red curls tied in a braid that was practically falling apart, like always. Her slender neck. The way her lips tugged in a smile when she turned. The way she walked. Her long, slender fingers that could work on clocks ever so carefully and touch him ever so gently. Her green eyes that reminded him of the summer. Her freckles on her pale skin that she disliked so much. Her long eyelashes…</p>
<p>                He loved her so much. One mistake tomorrow and he’d never see her again. He’d never…</p>
<p>                ‘Enji?’ She said his name, tilting her head, as she gazed at him while putting the coffee down. He swallowed hard. Without saying a word, he beckoned her to come closer. She did, cradling in his arms, nuzzling closer in his embrace, she joined him on the couch. He held her tight, not wanting to let her go, taking in her scent that he was so font of. She smelled like home. His home. Their home.</p>
<p>                She said his name again, softer this time. Gently she stroke his cheek, tracing the lines of his face. He held her hand against his cheek, putting his own over hers. A sigh escaped his lips, shaking, wavering. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, how happy he was that she had appeared in his life and had remained with him no matter what. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to tell her that he’d want to spend the rest of their lives together. He wanted to tell her that, if he had to do it all over, he’d do it gladly, without a second thought, just so he could fall in love with her all over again. He wanted to tell her all this, but no words came out. All he was able to do, was to gaze at her, trying to memorize it all, just in case it was the last time he’d see her.</p>
<p>                That was all he could do. Maybe even all that he wanted to at that moment. Just gazing at her. Taking her all in. Maybe it was that was for the best. Words wouldn’t even be able to begin to explain everything he felt. Maybe he’d say something stupid out of fear and ruin things. So he kept his mouth shut and just looked at her.</p>
<p>                She looked back at him. The same emotions that he felt reflected in her eyes. Words she meant to say, but couldn’t. Actions she could undertake, but didn’t. For now, it was enough. It was all they could do, even if it was to keep their hopes up. That he’d come back to her, alive. That he’d appear on their doorstep again and they could continue their lives together.</p>
<p>                She leaned forward. Her lips brushed over his own, before she lovingly placed a kiss on them. It took all his self-control to keep himself from crying.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After he leaves.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She waved him goodbye, told him to be safe, made him promise to come back to her. A promise they both knew that he might not be able to keep. One last kiss, a gentle brush of his fingertips on her cheeks, a sad smile, then he was gone. She watched him go, until she couldn’t see him anymore. Only then she closed the door, sunk to her knees and cried uncontrollably.</p>
<p>                She had kept herself strong in front of him, forcing herself not to burst into tears and beg him not to go through with it. She had wanted to force him to stay, not giving a second thought about the fate of his friends. Truth to be told, cruel as it may sound, she didn’t care. All she cared about was him and now he had gone off to help them. Her sweet, loyal ghoul.</p>
<p>                There had been so many things that she had meant to say to him yesterday. How much she loved him. How happy she was with him. How great a person his was. How many fun things she still wanted to undertake with him. The list was so long. But no words had come out. One look at his face had said enough. He knew it. He felt the same way. Words might have ruined the moment.</p>
<p>                So they had just laid there, on the couch, in each other’s arms, just silently treasuring the closeness and the time they still together. His uncertain fate hanging like a dark cloud above their heads. She had kissed him, wanting to convey all her feelings for him in that one simple kiss. He had kissed her back, almost hesitant, as if he was trying to hold himself back. When they broke apart, she could have sworn that a sob had escaped his throat. It was only then that she’d realized how much he kept his emotions in check. He only had cried once in front of her, that fateful day after she learned he was a ghoul. He had wept, but other than that one moment, she had never seen him cry. Not once…</p>
<p>                She remembered asking him once if he ever cried on his own, besides that one time. On which he jokingly had said that she sometimes cried enough for the both of them. She had hit him with a pillow, calling him an asshole, joining him in his laughter at her reaction.</p>
<p>                Trying to compose herself, she tried to distract herself by packing a few necessary belongings in her bag, going through the things that she might need during the evacuation period. The entire 20<sup>th</sup> ward was to be evacuated until further notice. Until then, she couldn’t go back there.</p>
<p>Glancing about the room, she saw all the things that she couldn’t take with her. There was still that new clock that she was working on. The blueprints were laid about on her table. Her tools ready to be used. The clock waiting to be properly prepared. Normally, she’d jump for joy to get started, loving her work, especially now that she’d almost finished her education and could start working as an official clockmaker. But her eyes darted to Enji’s dartboard, that hung in the same room. He had taught her the rules. Liking the game, they had played together a lot. The darts from their last match were still on the board, the scores written on the chalk board next to it. He had won, like most of the times. It was one of the few times that he bragged about how great he was, with that playful gleam he always got in his eyes whenever he did.</p>
<p>                She wavered in the doorway, close to bursting into tears again at the thought of that she might lose him forever. Taking a deep breath, she told herself to be strong, for him. She needed to believe in him, that he’d come back to her, alive. She couldn’t afford to be weak. When he got home, she’d be here, greeting him with a smile on her face. Her project might be be finished by then, so she could show it to him and they could celebrate. Celebrate on both his safe return and her clock. Simple things, but it were the simple things in life with him that she loved the most.</p>
<p>                She took one last glance about the room, swung her bag over her shoulder and closed the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A reason to keep living.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone, hope you're all doing well in these weird times. I meant to update sooner, but couldn't find the time nor the peace to sit down and update. Today, I could, so here it is :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had started out pretty well. Truth to be told, he actually enjoyed the sheer thrill of combat again. He loved the adrenaline it gave him when he faced a strong opponent. His old fellow gang members fought at his side. It almost felt like the old days. When he’d been rampaging around with his gang, taking on strong investigators for the sheer fun of it. It almost felt good. Almost… Were it not for the dire circumstances and the fact that he lost more people in his life. Were it not for his realization of how heinous the crimes had been, that he had committed years ago. Were it not for how tainted his hands were and how this battle, this operation was punishment for his sins, for all the sins that he had committed. Sins that he’d never be able to make up for. Sins that would always continue to burden him and weight him down, no matter his change of heart. Living like this was his punishment. Fighting like this, balancing on the brink of death, was his punishment. Never allowing himself to be completely happy. It was a punishment that could only be fulfilled with his death.</p>
<p>That’s what he had thought all these years. How he had thought about his life. The reason as to why he had accepted to go through with the operation, despite the risks. A part of him, the one that still lived in the past, the part that would never allow himself to be happy, was searching for a place to die. A place to atone for his sins, to take this punishment at heart and end it all. He would have done so, within a heartbeat, were it not… for her…</p>
<p>She had accepted him, both who and what he was. She had accepted him in a way in which he had never even dared to dream of. She had allowed him to be happy. Leaving her alone in this world, after all she had done for him, would be his biggest sin of all. He couldn’t let that happen.</p>
<p>Despite this perfect opportunity to end his life, despite this perfect punishment, he couldn’t allow himself to die. He meant to keep on living. For her. To be happy. For her.</p>
<p>                He clicked his tongue. This was no time to be distracted. If he meant to return to her, he needed to see this through, one way or another. He had to survive. He had to!</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>She sat with Lottie and the Old Man, as she always called her employer that. He was a kind, old man. Despite being her employer, he always treated her like she was his granddaughter, who he’d intended to let her inherit the business someday, rather than merely his employee. She loved him dearly, for he came closer to family than her own. It was one of the reasons that she loved her work so much. He treated her like a person, not like a burden.</p>
<p>                The Old Man inquired as to where Enji was, knowing they were living together and having met her lover plenty of times when he’d came to visit at work. She told him that Enji and her had gotten separated, that he hadn’t come back from work, despite the evacuation notice. It saddened her that she’d have to lie to her friend and the Old Man, but she saw no other option. Neither of them knew that Enji was a ghoul. To them, he was human, her lover. Someone who was now currently missing during the chaos.</p>
<p>                Both of them tried to console her, telling her that he’d show up at some point, safe and sound. That he was capable of taking care of himself. That he’d probably be glad that she had found shelter in time.</p>
<p>                She let them console her. Let them speak their well-meant words. Let their love for her wash over her like a warm blanket, for she knew how much she’d need it in the future. She knew how much she needed it already. Every second, when no one was talking to her, her mind wandered to Enji, begging and hoping in silence that he was alright. But all she could do, was wait.</p>
<p>                Wait until the chaos was over. Wait until the evacuation was lifted and they could go home. Wait until there was word from Enji. The future, their future, was at stake and looked bleak and it was just that which put her so much on edge.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The days without him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been two days since the evacuation notice was lifted. Turning out the lights, she glanced around the room. She had put everything away. Her project still nowhere near finished, yet she had been able to put the framework together rather nicely. She closed the door, held the handle a few seconds. Normally Enji would be making himself ready for bed by now, wrapping his arms around her and steal a kiss after taking a shower. His arms always felt so strong and safe around her when he did. She’d always lean against him, enjoying his closeness. But not today.</p>
<p>                She shook her head. This was no time to be depressed. He’d make it through. He promised that he would. He’d be standing on their doorstep soon enough. Beaten up and high likely bloody, but alive. Turning, she made herself ready for bed. It was weird to do her ritual alone after living together with him for a few weeks now. In a way, it felt unnatural, lonely. The silence that hung around the apartment was deafening. Normally he was there, joking, humming, stealing a kiss or two, before jumping into bed, waiting patiently for her to join him. Then they’d talk a bit or make out, depending on their mood, before dozing off to sleep.</p>
<p>                Now the bed was empty. Without him, the bed felt too big, too spacious, cold. She tried to sleep, tossing and turning about, yet she found that she couldn’t catch any sleep, missing his presence too much. She got up, went to his side of the closet, grabbed one of his sweaters and put it over her pajama. Though the length was shorter than her, just a bit, his shoulders were broader than hers. She hardly put it on, or the scent of him entered her nostrils. Sighing, she pressed the fabric against her face, imagining that he was there with her. Wearing his sweater, she got back to bed. Crawling to his side of the bed, she lay down, pulling the blankets far over her head, hoping to catch some sleep.</p>
<p>                She drifted in and out of sleep. Whenever she finally slept, she had nightmares and woke up afraid, fearing for his life. Every time it took a while for her to calm down, falling asleep afterwards, yet waking up bathing in sweat moments later. All in all, it was a long night.</p>
<p>                Sleep deprived, she went to college the next day, only going because she’d promised Enji that she would, instead of waiting around. But she couldn’t concentrate. Everyone was talking about the fights that had gone about between the CCG and the ghouls. That the evacuated parts were still under surveillance and repair. That no one knew the precise outcome, but it sounded like the CCG had had the upper hand. A lot of ghouls had been killed or captured. For most people that was good news. But not to her.</p>
<p>                The news got her to worry more. Worry she couldn’t express around anyone, not even to Lottie, as her lover being a ghoul was still a secret for her friend. She kept checking her phone, over and over again, hoping to hear something from him. But time passed and she heard nothing, making her worry all the more.</p>
<p>                She went about her days. Forced herself to concentrate on both college, work and her daily tasks, trying desperately to keep herself from freaking out. On the streets, she searched for him, looking for any signs that might indicate that he was there, watching over her. She didn’t find him.</p>
<p>                Letting her feet take her somewhere, she found herself at Anteiku one day. Or at least, where Anteiku should have been. Defeated, slumped, she saw the destroyed building of the café that she had loved so much. The burned down carcass was a sad reminder of happier days. The place where she had met Enji. Where everything between them had started. But even that was gone. Seeing the place destroyed didn’t do her any good. It only made her want to burst into tears right there on the spot.</p>
<p>                She had refused to cry, especially around all these people who, just like her, stopped and stared. Already rumors were floating about. Rumors that she didn’t want to hear. Rumors that, if they were true, she wasn’t ready to hear. But the onlookers and herself were ushered away, for the place needed to be cleared.</p>
<p>                On a somber day, she wandered passed the now vacant place where Anteiku had once stood. Feeling her stomach turn in a knot, she quickly headed home, not wanting to think about the fate of her lover. If things had gone as bad as they sounded, as they seemed, there was just a small chance that he might come back alive. But with all the rumors going on it sounded that he was either dead or held captive. In silence, she prayed that he was still alive, hiding somewhere until the commotion had died down. That he’d show up sooner or later. Alive.</p>
<p>                Once at home, she dumped her things on the floor, calling out for him, searching the rooms in a desperate attempt to find him, hoping that he’d gotten home in her absence and had hidden somewhere, waiting for her. He wasn’t there.</p>
<p>                Taking in a deep, shaking breath, she took her things from the floor and started to put them away. Then she started to make dinner, preparing his as well, in habit, wanting to have something prepared for him just in case he got home. She ate in silence, alone. His food waiting prepared in the refrigerator. Normally she’d turn on the radio, but all she heard was about the ghouls and their raid against the CCG. She didn’t want to hear it, for it wouldn’t do her any good, but only add to her worries.</p>
<p>                After dinner, she cleaned up, took a shower, put on her pajama-shorts and his sweater, in which she had slept in these passed nights. Grabbing a blanket, she sat down on the floor close to the window, staring outside. It was getting dark, tree leaves falling down gently from the trees. Leaning with her head on her knees, she stared ahead. Phone within hand reach, but besides a few texts from Lottie it remained silent. They were sweet messages, typical Lottie messages and in those brief moments that she read and replied them, she felt a little bit better. But only for a few seconds. The moment the messages were sent and eventually stopped, the feeling faded and she was left alone with her worries about him.</p>
<p>                She didn’t know for how long she sat there. To give herself something to do, she got up and made herself some coffee. By accident she made two. Instead of throwing the second cup away, she put it on the table, knowing it would probably go cold, but left it there either way. Enji would hate it that she’d waste a good cup of coffee. If he’d find out that she had, he’d probably complain about it, lecture her even a little.</p>
<p>                She smiled at the thought. Not wanting to leave the second cup standing alone on the table, she sat down, putting her own cup next to his. She took a sip or two, making sure that her own cup wouldn’t get cold. Drinking the coffee made her feel slightly better and warmer. Though her worries were still very present, she found herself drifting off. The lack of sleep was catching up with her. As she did, she imagined Enji kneeling next to her, shaking his head with a smile, before carrying her of to bed. The image was so comforting it almost felt real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When home keeps calling him back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A little heads up. From this chapter on, the story will stray from the original series, since I had written this before Tokyo Ghoul: Re came out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had barely escaped death. Beaten and severely wounded, he had been on death’s door. He was only alive through Kaneki’s intervention. With the younger ghoul’s help, he had been able to escape the Doves and escape with Irimi through the underground route V14.</p>
<p>He had wanted to go back to her straight away, to contact her and let her know that he was still alive. Irimi had kept him for doing so, claiming that he needed to lay low for now. That they needed to wait for things to calm down, that he needed to recover first. If he went right now, he’d only succeed in freaking her out because of the state he was in. Worse, he might run into a Dove and not only get himself in trouble, but her as well.</p>
<p>At first he hadn’t want to listen. All he wanted was to be with her again, knowing that she was worried sick about him and would keep worrying until he was back. Irimi kept holding him back. Hadn’t it been for the chaos around them and the bad state they both were in, he’d have fought her to let him pass. Eventually he listened, reluctantly, seeing that she was right. And so he waited.</p>
<p>Waited, impatiently, for his wounds to heal, for things to die down a bit. The wait made him restless and Irimi needed to remind him time and time again as to why he waited. On one restless day he nearly went looking for her, unable to resist the urge. He was stopped again, Irimi claiming that she’d go to see his girl, if doing so would give him more peace in mind. As the she-ghoul was in better shape than himself and wouldn’t be tied to her as quickly, he agreed.</p>
<p>He soon learned that she still went to college and work, going about her daily routines, just like he had made her promise that she would do in his absence. He was glad to hear that she hadn’t locked herself up, like he’d feared that she would, but that she kept her promise to him. What he didn’t like was that Irimi told him how tired and sad she looked, both knowing that he was the cause. He was able to wait it out for three more days. Then he left.</p>
<p>It was starting to get chilly when he made his way back home. The colder air signaling the upcoming autumn. He kept himself on the main roads, kept up the appearance of a normal human. No one seemed to take notice of him. Despite the few bandages that he carefully tried to cover up, there was nothing unusual to see about him. Just a guy on his way somewhere. He even passed a Dove. Desperately keeping himself under control, he passed the man, all the while screaming in his mind, hoping that he wouldn’t get noticed and targeted. They passed each other. Nothing happened. He wasn’t even given a sideways glance. Suppressing a sigh of relief, he quickly headed home.</p>
<p>In front of the apartment building he stopped, looking up at their window. Despite the late hour, there was still a dim light burning in the living room. She was either still awake or had fallen asleep with the light on.</p>
<p>Unable to resist the urge to go home, he quickly went up the stairs, stuck the key in the lock, turned, opened the door and went in. Pulling the door shut behind him, a silence fell around him. He remained standing in place for a few seconds, wondering what to do, yet not wanting to move, meaning to take it all in.</p>
<p>The place smelled of her, of home. The scent of coffee was also present, fresh. She must have made some recently. He could even smell the lingering scent of her dinner and, to his surprise, his own. Faint, but he knew it would be in the refrigerator if he’d open it.</p>
<p>Softly, he took of his shoes and coat. The floor creaked softly beneath his weight. The soft ticking of their clock in the living room welcomed him. Just like the dim light when he entered. He found her there at the table. Two cups of coffee on the table, one almost empty, the other full. A blanket wrapped around her, head resting on her arms on the table. She was asleep, her soft breathing steady.</p>
<p>He smiled at the sight of her, glad to see her again after so long. He wanted to wake her, to let her know that he was home. But one look at her sleep deprived face kept him from doing so. Instead, he gently lifted her up, noticing the sweater that she wore when he did. She shifted in his arms, nuzzling closer against his chest, muttering his name. For a few seconds, he feared that he had woken her up. To his relief, she slept on.</p>
<p>Entering their bedroom, he noticed right away that she had slept on his side of the bed. He lay her down on his side, thinking it was for the best, for now. Putting the blankets further over her head, he watched her a few seconds, taking in her sleeping frame.</p>
<p>Resisting the urge to crawl into bed with her, he went back to the living room, but not before grabbing some clean clothes. As quiet as he could, he took a quick shower, glad to wash away all the dirt and old blood off him. In clean clothes and freshly bandaged, he opened the refrigerator, finding indeed his dinner. Smiling in himself, he shook his head, taking out the food. As he took the first bite, he realized how hungry he had been. The coffee that she had made was almost cold, but he found no reason to complain. He was glad to be home, glad to have seen her again, glad that she had even bothered to make him dinner and coffee, even though she hadn’t been able to know whether or when he’d ever be home again. He couldn’t have asked for more.</p>
<p>After he ate, he put his things in the sink. Glancing about the room, he finally turned off the lights and crawled into bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She finds him in their appartment, but is it reality or a dream?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She woke up. At least, she thought that she was awake. But a pair of strong, familiar arms were wrapped around her, holding her close. Soft, steady breathing was close to her ear. He was in their bed, asleep. That couldn’t be true. It was too good to be true. She had to be dreaming. She just had to. Either that or she was going crazy. She had finally lost it, missing him so badly that she’d even imagined that he was back for real.</p>
<p>                She wanted to turn around. To see if he was rea, because he felt so real. The arms which held her, the warmth from his body against her back, his breathing. Everything felt and sounded so real. But she was afraid to check. Afraid of what might happen if she moved. What if he wasn’t really there and she had truly lost it? What if this was a cruel joke of her mind, playing tricks on her, telling her that he was never coming back and she was going mad?</p>
<p>But what if he was truly there…? What if she hadn’t imagined last night, that he carried her to bed? What if he had come home…? What if…?</p>
<p>Closing her eyes shut, she counted to ten inside her head, deciding to take the gamble. She’d turn around at ten to see if he was real. It were the longest ten seconds that she had ever counted. She could hardly contain herself from turning around. But she was terrified that her mind was playing tricks on her. Terrified that he’d disappear when she did. It would be like losing him all over again. She knew that she shouldn’t hope, but with every passing second, her hope rose.</p>
<p>She turned around, slowly, trembling with anticipation. He was still there.</p>
<p>He looked horrible, yet seemed peaceful in his current sleep. She saw the fading bruises on his face, the bandage on his cheek, the bags beneath his eyes. With trembling fingers, she touched his sleeping face. His skin was warm, she could feel his breath brush her own skin when she touched him. His hair was a mess, though it smelled clean. She went through his hair, letting his locks fall between her fingers.</p>
<p>She trembled when she did. He was truly there in bed with her. Harmed by the look of his face and she didn’t want to imagine how bad his other injuries were, or had been. But he was alive. He was truly alive. Alive and home. He was safe.</p>
<p>Suppressing a sob, not wanting to wake him, she gently kissed his forehead. He stirred in his sleep when she did, murmuring her name. Hearing his voice, though thick with sleep, she burst into tears.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Together again at last.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soft cries woke him up. Opening his eyes, he found her crying next to him. Her hands were pressed against her face, as she no doubt tried to stifle her cries. He said her name, taking one of her hands in his. She looked at him, tears streaming down her face, lips trembling. She opened her mouth to speak, yet no words made it passed her trembling lips.</p>
<p>                He pushed himself up a bit, meaning to hold her in his arms. He barely got the chance. Crying out his name, she threw herself at him, knocking him over. Her arms wrapped around him, she cried against his chest, crying out his name over and over again. Through her cries, she told him how much she’d missed him, how much she had worried, how much she loved him.</p>
<p>                He held her tight, ignoring the pain from the wounds that hadn’t completely healed. He apologized for having taken so long to return, for making her worry so much, for everything he’d put her through. He whispered her name over and over, trying to comfort her, yet unable to stop himself from crying as well, from both relief and happiness that he was finally back with her.</p>
<p>                They lay there, holding each other tight, neither of them with any intention of letting go. When they both calmed down a bit, he placed butterfly kisses on her face, tasting the salt from her tears on his lips. Finding her lips, he kissed her, hands slowly wandering down, pushing up the fabric from the sweater she wore. Her skin was so deliciously warm and soft. He could feel her react beneath his touch, pressing herself closer against him. A soft whimper came from her when they broke apart, so he could pull the sweater over her head.</p>
<p>                He wanted to make up for all the time they had missed, for all the days he had been away, for all the days that he had made her worry. He wanted her to know that she wasn’t dreaming, that he was very much alive. He wanted her to know that he was at her side again, that he wouldn’t go anywhere, that he loved her. He wanted to convey everything to her, in that very moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Making up for lost time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone, this will be the last chapter that (sort of) followed Tokyo Ghoul. Their story will continue, as it's not over yet.<br/>The next chapters will be set in Tokyo Ghoul: Re, but I won't be following that story line properly. <br/>Thank you for sticking around so far. I do hope you will continue to follow our couple for a while longer. Enjoy the read :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They made love, sweet and tender. Exploring each other’s bodies again, as if it was their first time together. As if someone had erased their memory and they had to make a new one. His hands wandered her body, making her shiver beneath his touch. She loved his hands on her, so familiar and so new at the same time. Her own hands wandered over his body, carefully going over his bandages where he had been wounded. She felt his muscles flex beneath her touch, felt the warmth of his skin. Felt his breath on her skin, his kisses on her body and her lips. Heard his breath catch his throat, soft moans and groans escape. Her name came from his lips, ever so softly, as if he was afraid to wake up and find everything had been a dream.</p>
<p>                She didn’t blame him. Despite everything, she was still afraid that she was dreaming. That she’d wake up any moment and he’d be gone. Yet she also realized that the man making so sweetly and tender love to her, was real. He was there, making her feel so good it was driving her crazy.</p>
<p>                She had missed him, so much. If she’d have her way, she’d keep him in the bedroom for days to come, not letting him out, keeping him selfishly for herself, wanting to make up for all the times they had missed out. All those precious days that had been stolen from them. She wanted them back. All of them.</p>
<p>                She moaned his name, pulling him in for a kiss, one hand going through his hair, the other raking over his back. He shuddered, moaned in their kiss. She didn’t want to break apart, not even for a few seconds, but knew they had to. A whimper escaped her lips when he pulled out. It gained her a sweet smile from him. His lips found hers soon enough. This time more passionate, more wanting. She smiled in the kiss, happily letting him take her again.</p>
<p>~~~~</p>
<p>In each other’s arms they lay on the couch. The radio softly playing and the sound of the coffee machine simmering in the background. They talked, softly, barely louder than whispers, telling each other about what happened with them in their time apart. Though he tried to fill her in as much as possible, he didn’t tell her everything. Knowing that she understood, as it was meant to keep her safe. He left out the punishment that he had indented to give himself, also leaving out the part where he’d nearly died, feeling like it was something that she was better of not knowing. At least, not for now. It would only freak her out.</p>
<p>                He listened to her side, feeling guilty, even though she ensured him that she didn’t blame him in the least. He had wanted to help his friends, help Yoshimura, whom he respected and owed so much. He was glad that she understood, yet still felt guilty for being selfish and going on an operation from which he had known that there had been a fifty percent chance of making it out alive. That the reason she knew, as to why he had gone, had only been a small part of it. That, had Kaneki not intervened, he’d be dead by now. He made a mental note to thank the younger half ghoul when he’d see him again. If needed, he’d seek him out. But not right now. Right now, he just wanted to stay there. On the couch, with the woman he loved in his arms. Nothing more, nothing less.</p>
<p>                She shifted in his embrace, muttering something half asleep. He smiled in himself, giving her a soft reply. Letting himself relax completely, he drifted off to sleep.    </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two years of living a human life. So far, so good, but will they be able to keep it that way...?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He stretched his arms and back, grunting when he did. Glad that he was finally rid of that heavy clock, he sat down for a bit. His eyes wandered to her worktable where she was completely sucked in her work. Her hair was tied, sort of, half of it had already escaped the floppy bon that she had tried to make. Strands of hair fell before her face and over her shoulders. By the looks of it, she had long given up on pushing her hair out of the way. With her eyes narrowed and the tip of her tongue sticking out, she worked on an old clock. A clock she had been working on for the past two weeks.</p>
<p>The costumer was a regular, coming in for repairs on her clock almost on a four month basis. Though been having told that the clock would keep breaking down, no matter how many times it was fixed, she kept coming back. The clock held an emotional value and the owner was unable to part from it, despite the constant repair costs.</p>
<p>‘Taking a short break, Enji?’ Taiki, or the Old Man as his lover always called him, joined him at the table. Following his gaze, the old human smiled. ‘Hard worker that lass of yours. Couldn’t ask for a better employee.’</p>
<p>He smiled at the compliment. In the two years, she had worked hard, sometimes drowning herself in her work for days. She loved her job, kept telling him how much she kept on learning with every single assignment that she was given. He was glad that Taiki had kept his word and had given her a steady job at the workplace right after graduation.</p>
<p>He puffed his cheeks and blew the air out. Roughly two years already since he’d last worked at Anteiku. Two years, without any contact of his former comrades, without the job that he had liked so much. Two years, of having barely any contact with his own world. Laying low, for both their sakes. Two years, of mostly living in the human world, which he was fairing in pretty well, he admitted, though most of it was due to her help. She was good at explaining the unwritten rules, maneuvering him through them, without raising any suspicion, even teaching him how to politely decline food on more than one occasion, without being rude or suspicious.</p>
<p>For food, which had been usually distributed by Anteiku in the past, he now searched for suicides himself. Sometimes, she went with him, to make sure that no one would find it odd that a man kept looking here and there for who-knew-what. At least with her at his side, they could pretend to be a couple going for a stroll, which wasn’t even a lie. Just a stroll, with a purpose.</p>
<p>Taiki thanked him for his help today, as there had been a quite a few deliveries to be made.</p>
<p>He waved the older man’s thanks away, saying that it was no need. He liked helping out whenever he could, even during his day off. It gave him a chance to see his girl at work, though she barely had time to spare to talk. But it didn’t matter. He liked watching her work, before bidding them farewell and go home after having done his share.</p>
<p>In those two years, she had taught him how to cook human meals. Following her instructions precisely, he had gotten quite good at them. Even Lottie had praised him once or twice on his cooking now, and coming from a very picky eater, that was saying something.</p>
<p>Though Taiki was pretty easy to get along with and, by so far, readable, he couldn’t figure out his girl’s best friend, Lottie. The woman was a downright mystery to him. Even after all this time, she still came back with a different partner, went from one job to another and started a different college course practically every year. It seemed to him like she couldn’t make up her mind about whatever it was that she wanted and no matter what other people said, she refused to listen.</p>
<p>Only his lover seemed to get some sense in her friend’s head from time to time, but overall Lottie remained Lottie. A whirlwind of bubbling chatter. Though he had to admit, Lottie was good natured, always wishing the best for her friend and always there whenever she needed her.</p>
<p>He couldn’t truly say that he liked Lottie. Enough to have around, not enough to call her a friend of any sort. They did bicker though. Lottie had her moods, just like any person, and whenever she was pissed off, she threw insults at his face whenever she got the chance. They were mostly petty words, like one used in a childish tantrum. Then she’d call him old, ugly, good-for-nothing and the like. Nothing harmful. Those were insults that he could easily brush off. But not her.</p>
<p>She always snapped at Lottie whenever her friend insulted him, which made Lottie shut up quickly enough, as both friends didn’t like to argue or fight with one another. He liked it when she defended him, even if it was from just petty words. He was aware that he was nowhere near good enough for her, something that he always admitted whenever Lottie brought it up. It was one of the few things that they actually agreed on, just like they both thought that her happiness was one of their biggest priorities. So he had accepted Lottie in his life, could even hang out with her whenever his lover wasn’t back from work yet.</p>
<p>He did dread the day both Lottie or Taiki would find out about him being a ghoul. Neither of them knew, his secret was carefully being kept. Whenever Lottie stuck around for dinner, his meal was carefully prepared, mostly in advance, for human meat smelled different, especially depending on how it was prepared. Luckily, Lottie rarely paid any attention to his meals, only when he was cooking, which he rarely did whenever she stayed over. When she did, whenever she had problems with either her parents or her current lover.</p>
<p>One of the reasons that he had agreed to help out today was partly because Lottie had been staying at their place for four days now. After a fight with her current boyfriend, she had stood on their doorstep, begging to stay. Reluctantly he had agreed. Lottie could stay for weeks, depending on the situation and he couldn’t handle Lottie around for that long, something which even Taiki seemed to understand. If he was lucky, however, Lottie would be gone by the time that he got home, as she had made up with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>After bidding Taiki goodbye and telling her that he’d have dinner ready when she got home, he left the workshop. Before he made it out of the door, a pair of arms wrapped around him. Her scent surrounding him when she did. She apologized for barely giving him any attention today. That she’d make it up to him when she got home. He chuckled at her words, saying that he didn’t expect anything less from her. She stuck out her tongue at him, childish, boyish, with a playful gleam in her eyes. Smiling at her, he let his lips brush over hers, teasing her, before pulling apart. Sending her a grin, he waved and left, knowing fully well that she was pouting and would most likely pay him back later on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A bit about her past and their life together after he came back to her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is a bit long. I thought about splitting this chapter in two, but that didn't make sense to me, so... yeah... Either way, enjoy the read! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She couldn’t believe that two years had already passed. Years in which she was living with the man who she loved so dearly. Years in which she had a steady job and things were going well. Had someone told her years ago that she’d ever be this happy, she wouldn’t have believed it. She’d have laughed, telling that she’d be dead in the gutter, that happiness wasn’t meant for her. But here she was, college graduate, steady job, a friend she could always count on and a wonderful lover with whom she had a steady relationship with and lived together.</p>
<p>Sure, not everything had gone smooth.</p>
<p>First there had been the changes in Enji’s life roughly two years ago, which were still hard on him. She could tell it bothered him and she didn’t blame him. He had been used to living in the ghoul world, interacting with humans only when absolutely necessary. Now he was living mostly in the human world, laying low, looking for an opportunity to get things on track again. It didn’t help for him that his old manager Yoshimura was gone from his life, a man he owed so much and respected from the depths of his heart. Nor that Anteiku was no more. It had been his home, his safe haven and now it was gone.</p>
<p>It had taken him some time to get his life back on track and adapt more to the human world than he was used to. She had tried to help him at the best of her abilities, wanting to make things easier on him even if it was living in her world. He was good at adapting. Even able to make meals, though she knew that he could only guess the flavors. He had found a new job as well, in a different café, claiming that he couldn’t do anything else. He hadn’t gone to high school. He knew only how to fight, brew coffee and waitressing.</p>
<p>Second there had been problems on her own side, as her family had tried to contact her again after roughly half a year when Enji’s life had gotten haywire and was slowly getting back on track. Her aunt always had a great timing, which she had proved this time again. That blasted woman had somehow tracked her down, demanding why she hadn’t contacted them all this time. Over the phone, she had told her aunt the reasons. That they hadn’t want to see her, that they had thrown her out of the family years ago and that they had told her long ago that she was dead to them, as she was the unwanted, black sheep of the family. So why bother?</p>
<p>Of course Enji overheard the entire thing, completely oblivious about the situation and it had only then, and only then, occurred to her that she’d never explained her troublesome family situation to him. At first she had brushed it off, claiming that she’d explain when things were going better for him. That she didn’t want to bother him with this right now.</p>
<p>He had frowned, obviously not pleased with her reaction, claiming that he had the right to know, since he’d pretty much told her everything. And he had. He had been absolutely right. But as days passed, her aunt, and later on uncle, had kept calling and calling until it drove both Enji and her absolutely crazy.</p>
<p> He threw off the handle, raging in the way that he only did when he was completely pissed off, ghoul side all over the place. As had been his right. So she had come clean, reluctantly, and it was then she had realized how Enji must have felt when he came clean about his secret, though hers was a bit less life changing or threatening.</p>
<p>So she had told him that she was a lovechild, that neither of the families had accepted her parent’s relationship. That her mother had had a weak health and died after giving birth, putting more strain on the Japanese side of the family, as they blamed her father, and indirectly her, for the death of their daughter. At the age of six, her father died from sickness, putting her in the care of his side of the family. It hadn’t gone well. The Scottish side of the family also blamed her for their son’s death, claiming that, if it hadn’t been for her, he would be still alive. But because she lived, he’d had to work twice as hard, which had been the end of him. After only living three years in Scotland, she’d been sent to Japan, at the age of nine to live with her mother’s side of the family, apparently only because her mother’s side had wanted to keep up appearances for the outside than that they’d actually wanted her there.  </p>
<p>She told him that the strain and pressure of both families and different cultures, together with getting blamed for both her parent’s death at every single turn, she’d ended up more on the streets than at home. Things had gotten worse at school, she’d gotten into a lot of fights and in contact with the police so many times, that her family had barely even bothered to ask what she had done wrong. Eventually she had been thrown out of the house with the few possessions she’d owned, being told that she was disowned and that they’d never wanted to see her again.</p>
<p>After that, she had met Lottie and Taiki, who had dragged her from the mess that she had gotten herself in. With their help, she had managed, though barely, finishing high school and with encouragement from Taiki, she had enrolled in college to take the course for clockmaker.</p>
<p>It was a pathetic past and compared to Enji’s days pretty petty. But he had taken it well, asking why she hadn’t told him sooner. She had admitted that she hadn’t deemed it necessary, as it paled in comparison with his burdens. He had gotten angry at her words, claiming that a past couldn’t be compared, that it depended on how much it had influenced a person. Which had made her own anger flare up, snapping that, if that were true, he shouldn’t put himself down all the time. It had taken another couple of fights and arguments to settle the matter between them. After that, Enji had, in the most wonderful manner, asked her aunt and uncle to never contact them again. The way he had asked had left no room to argue or object and after a few weeks the matter was solved. And luckily her aunt and uncle had had the right mind to leave them alone ever since.</p>
<p>The third thing that had gotten a slight mess was when Enji decided to come clean completely and tell her everything that had happened during his operation, claiming that he couldn’t keep it from her any longer. Hearing that her lover had actually seen the operation as a suicide mission, or punishment as he had called it, had made her both angry and sad at the same. She had called him names, threw an entire tantrum, crying and screaming why he had to be so selfish to even think about taking his own life, even if it was to atone for his sins. Which he had explained, with so much guilt and pain in his eyes that she had soon felt sorry for him. She had reluctantly accepted this side of him, though not after making sure whether he’d take his own life in the future or not.</p>
<p>He hadn’t known. She had told him that, if he’d die, she’d die with him. He had gotten angry at her for this, saying that her life held more value than his own. She had told him that it wasn’t true. That his life held a lot of value to her and that she’d rather live a short life with him than a long one without. He had tried to argue, though more worried about her life than angry. She had snapped at him, asking him how many times she’d have to tell him that she loved him before it got through to that thick skull of his. After a bit more bickering, they had made up.</p>
<p>They hadn’t been able to see eye to eye, as Enji still thought that he should atone for his sins, but at least he did allow himself to be happier in the period after that. The change was clear to see, mostly in little things and she liked that. With everything they went through together, they managed to take a few steps forward. Their relationship growing and getting more steadier over time.</p>
<p>Opening the front door, the scent of food welcomed her, together with Enji’s soft humming. Unable to keep the smile from her face, she dumped her jacket and shoes, running towards the kitchen to greet him. It didn’t matter that she saw him every single day. She couldn’t wait to see him, to be around him. Whenever they were apart, she missed him, no matter how busy she was with work. Every day was like a present.</p>
<p>Wrapping her arms around him, she greeted him. Right away, he left their food for what it was, pulling her closer in their embrace, kissing her as if he hadn’t seen her in days. His kisses left her weak in her knees, something that never changed. He smirked in their kiss, muttering that she had some making up to do. Giggling, she gazed at him. His eyes slowly changing color with a gleam in them she knew so well. Leaning in, she brushed her lips over his own, before whispering, ‘later.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a wondering and a little bit of love making.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes he still wondered what on earth she saw in him. Why him of all people? He was nowhere near good enough for her. Yet there she was. In their apartment. In their bed. Her arms around his neck. Legs around him as she sat on his lap. Eyes hazy, half closed. Face flushed. Lips parted. Gasps, moans and his name left her delicious lips. Her long red curls a mess, tickling his skin. Her soft skin was sweaty and warm beneath his hands.</p>
<p>                Sometimes he still just couldn’t believe she let him have her. That there was a woman who’d actually wanted him. So much even, that after almost three years in a relationship, they’d still make passionate love like this. And on a regular basis even.</p>
<p>                At his work, he always heard stories of his co-workers that the passion in a relationship died out. That there came, as what they called, a “slump”. That, depending on the partner, you’d either remained in a steady relationship built on trust and love and that was about it. Or the relationship died because the passion was gone and that was the end of it. Hearing that, he always wondered in which category his relationship with her belonged. For whenever his co-workers asked about his relationship and he told them roughly how it was, they looked at him unbelievingly, claiming that he was lucky and, apparently, one of the few who had something that great.</p>
<p>                He had told them that it wasn’t the case. That they bickered, fought and had gone through a lot of hurdles. But his co-workers hadn’t want to hear it. For, as they claimed, despite everything, the love and passion was still there. As was the trust. Which were three important things, according to them, to keep up a good, healthy relationship. So he had stopped arguing with them. As a result, they did however keep pestering him for relationship advice.</p>
<p>                He softly bit her, feeling her shiver beneath his touch. A gasp escaped her. He knew that she was close. As was he. He whispered her name, kissing her passionately, meaning to finish her before himself. He didn’t have to wait long.</p>
<p>                Shortly later she lay beneath him, panting, trying to catch her breath, looking absolutely gorgeous. His name left her lips, in a way that always set him aflame on the inside. Damn, he loved her. He loved how she still drove him wild without even having to try. He could still drown in her. He still couldn’t get enough of her. He probably never would.</p>
<p>                He leaned in to kiss her, loving how her lips tasted. She murmured his name when they broke apart, hands reaching out to him. One going through his messy, damp hair. The other caressing his face lovingly. He sighed, whispering that he loved her. She beamed at him, telling him that she loved him too.</p>
<p>                Sometimes he just still couldn’t believe that this was real, that she loved him. What had he ever done to deserve her?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Peaceful moments, a little doubt and corny lines.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She waited for him outside the café where he worked. Legs dangled from the safety rail she sat on. Humming softly, she watched him through the window where he waited on a couple at his assigned table. He chatted a bit with the couple he was waiting on, answering a question they’d asked. Though he did like the job, she had noticed long ago that the sheer joy in his eyes during work had long ago faded a bit. It wasn’t his place, it wasn’t Anteiku and not a place where he could be completely himself. He missed Yoshimaru and his old colleagues. He had even once admitted missing Irimi, his old rival.</p>
<p>                One of his co-workers spotted her, waving in greeting. Smiling, she waved back. Enji, noticing this, glanced up from his conversation. He held up his hand in greeting, signaling he was almost done. Inclining his head, he asked her to come in, probably finding it too cold for her to wait outside. She shook her head, she was fine. Having stuck inside the workplace all day with barely able to take a decent break, she was glad to get some fresh air.</p>
<p>                His face dropped at her stubbornness, something he’d probably complain about later on. Sticking out her tongue at him playfully, she carefully watched his expression change. It was a small change, one quickly hidden, but one she’d recognize right away. He’d make her regret her stubbornness.</p>
<p>                As she waited, she noticed a pair of CCG investigators pass by, or ‘”Doves”, as Enji called them. Weary she sized them up, wondering what they were doing around these parts. She had noticed that they started to show up more often, combing out the wards in their search for ghouls. Every time she saw them, she wished that they would leave. She wished that none of them knew that Enji was around, working and living, trying to make the best of their current situation. And every time, she hoped that no one knew that he was a ghoul, that there was no one who’d rat him out. Before she’d met Enji, she had never worried about the CCG. Now she worried every time she saw them. Especially after seeing firsthand what their weapons could do to a ghoul.</p>
<p>                After Enji’s operation roughly two years ago, she had seen the wounds that had been inflicted. Those horribly wounds. Though already partly healed, the damage had been all too clear in her eyes. Even with her untrained eyes, she had realized that his wounds had been critical before he came back to her. She had figured that it had only been because of his regenerating abilities that he had survived. Had he been a human, he’d have died back then.</p>
<p>                She watched the investigators pass, glad that Enji was still at the café, probably being held up by one of his younger co-workers, who was, to her amusement, pestering him for relationship advice. Whenever Enji told her about it, she couldn’t help but laugh. They still made a lot of mistakes in their relationship, yet his co-workers treated him like an expert because they had been together for roughly three years.</p>
<p>                She stopped humming. Three years. Her heart leaped with joy at the thought. Suppressing a joyful giggle, she continued humming, figuring that they should celebrate their anniversary. On the other hand, she found that there was no need to. Practically every day was one, so why bother? She was already happy with their life together and she knew that he was too, despite everything. Then again, it would be nice to do something special.</p>
<p>                Tapping with her index finger against her chin, she thought about it. She could do something nice for him, but what? Should she buy him something? Treat him to something nice? Did he even want that?</p>
<p>                ‘A penny for your thoughts.’ His voice snapped her out of her thoughts. Happily, she jumped from the safety rail. Grabbing hold of both his hands, she quickly gave him a kiss, knowing fully well it was frowned upon. But she couldn’t help it. And he didn’t mind the least.</p>
<p>                She gazed at him, smiling broadly, as she intertwined their fingers and rested her forehead against his. She asked him whether he wanted to celebrate their three year anniversary and if so, how they were going to celebrate.</p>
<p>                He raised an eyebrow at her question. Just like her, the thought probably never even crossed his mind, as they had never celebrated their anniversary. Not even in the beginning of their relationship, like most couples do. The only special occasions were Christmas, their birthdays, valentine’s day and white’s day. Valentine’s day only because she insisted to pamper him on that day, though he always claimed that it was unnecessary for, according to him, she pampered him enough. The latter only because Enji insisted for the very same reason and she always claimed it was unnecessary for the same reason as well. So they had made a compromise to celebrate the latter two holidays, only because the other insisted and it saved them a lot of arguing.</p>
<p>                He asked her why she brought it up. Not that he’d mind to celebrate, but more because they never had. She replied that she didn’t know. The thought just occurred to her and she wondered whether they should. He shook his head. It wasn’t necessary, according to him, every day was practically like an anniversary to him as well. Especially since he sometimes still couldn’t believe that she was still with him after all this time.</p>
<p>                She felt her annoyance flare up at his words. He still had a habit to put himself down and still claimed that she was too good for him. Sometimes he even told her that he was sure that she’d get fed up with him someday. She always argued with him about it, though part of her did understand where his insecurities came from. So instead of arguing, she pouted, asking him whether he doubted her love for him.</p>
<p>                He got this weird expression on his face whenever she asked, like he didn’t know how to react. Then he composed himself, shaking his head, smiling at her, telling her that he knew. But that it just sometimes felt so unreal, like it was a dream from which he was about to wake up. He didn’t want to wake up.</p>
<p>                Smiling at him, she replied that, if this were a dream, then neither did she.</p>
<p>                Corny lines. Such corny lines. In the past, she had hated them so much, but now she had to admit, those corny lines could be so deliciously right in moments like these.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Taking the first step of a new dance.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Just before he meant to leave, he was held up by one of his co-workers. Wondering what he wanted, yet wanting to get back to his girl, he reluctantly waited. They had asked him for advice, again, which she’d probably love to hear about later on. She always found it downright amusing, laughing joyfully whenever he told her, with that contagious laughter of hers. He only hoped that his co-worker would let him off this time.</p>
<p>                In a way, he did, but instead of asking for advice, it seemed as if his co-worker meant to give him advice for his own. In a bit awkward, yet direct manner, his co-worker asked him whether he even meant to marry his girl. When asked why he brought it up, his co-worker replied that they fit so well together and he every time he talked about his girl, he lit up, which let him and his other co-workers wonder why he hadn’t married her yet.</p>
<p>                It was a good question. One that had sometimes crossed his mind, but more in a fleeting manner. A thought that came and went, without spending too much time about it. Sure, he’d love to spent the rest of his life with her, but to actually marry her… The things it would change between them was a ring and a document that officially said that they belonged to one another. The first was no problem. The latter however was an entirely different matter. She would be officially documented as his life-partner. The life-partner of a ghoul… If the Doves ever found out about him after he married her, she’d be in big trouble too. She might even get killed for being married to him.</p>
<p>                He didn’t voice these thoughts to his co-worker. Instead he told him that he had thought about it, but hadn’t decided to take the step. He told him that he wondered whether it would change for the better, worse or not change at all. He was afraid that it was the second, for he heard it so often in the café. Once people married their relationship changed and most ended up with either a divorce, an affair or both. At this his co-worker laughed, telling him that he needn’t worry, for all doubted that their relationship would change when they’d marry.</p>
<p>                He brushed the words away, claiming, like always, that she was far too good for him. His co-worker shook his head. That was up for her to decide. If she deemed him worthy of her love, then shouldn’t that be enough? Shouldn’t that be all the confirmation he needed that it was fine to love her in return the way he did? That he was worthy enough, despite his own doubtful thoughts?</p>
<p>                The words of his co-worker resounded in his head when he met her. Her question to celebrate their anniversary together only added to this, making him wonder whether he should take the next step with her. To take the risk of being registered as partners and the chance of the Doves finding out. On the other hand, she’d be officially his partner, his wife. Not only on document, but every men who’d see her hand would see the ring on her finger, knowing that she was taken. He did like that idea. It would save him the worry of men hitting on her, which still happened. Regularly and persistent too, which is why he acted sometimes a bit possessive. For despite his doubts, he meant to keep her, not wanting to lose her. He loved her far too much.</p>
<p>                As they walked home together, they passed a couple standing in front of a jewelry store. The woman pointed to something in the window, chattering excitingly. He glanced at them, wanting to know the reaction of the man. Finding soon enough that the man smiled, whispering softly back, making the woman exclaim excitingly. He didn’t need to hear what the man had said to her, the reaction was enough.</p>
<p>                He glanced at her, knowing she wore jewelry. Simple ones, the way she liked most things, except for her clocks. Only with those she liked the most complicated ones. The more difficult, the better. He wondered how she’d react, if he’d ever decided to propose to her. He had seen a few proposals in his life, the reactions mostly a joy to watch. Would she react ecstatic as well, crying with joy, accepting the engagement ring? Or, as he once painfully witnessed, reject him? How would she react?</p>
<p>                Absentmindedly he shook his head. What was he thinking? He hadn’t even made up his mind about marrying yet and here he was thinking about how she’d react if he’d ever propose to her? But didn’t that mean that he actually meant to marry her? That he had, in the back of his mind, already decided that he did want to take her as his wife?</p>
<p>                Would she want to?</p>
<p>                For the days after, he pondered about it, wishing that he had Yoshimura to ask for advice. Whishing that he had Irimi to bring up the subject, before calling him a stupid ape whenever he went through with things that she silently disapproved of, just like his relationship with her. He missed Anteiku, more than he could ever put into words. But he realized that the café was gone and he had to let go of his past someday. This was his life now.</p>
<p>                Sighing, he decided to ask his co-workers for advice during their break. Part of him feared for their reaction, for it was personal and truth to be told, he rarely asked for their opinion on private matters, unlike them. To his surprise, they seemed all to glad to help him decide, helping him with the pros and cons of marriage, helping him even with a plan, in case he decided to propose for real. Their views were most welcome. They seemed to take pleasure in helping him out, insuring him that he was welcome to ask for their opinions more often.</p>
<p>                After talking it over with two of his co-workers for the umpteenth time, he strolled home, passing the jewelry store that they had passed a few days ago. Normally he’d pass the store, not even bothering to look. This time however he did stop, letting his eyes dart about the jewelry they offered. Biting his lower lip, he decided to enter the store, telling himself that it was just to see what they had to offer. That he didn’t need to buy a ring for her. That he could just walk out the store whenever he felt like it.</p>
<p>                The doorbell jingled when he entered, a sound that he hadn’t heard since Anteiku was destroyed. Right away it brought back memories from back then, when she was still a stranger to him, walking in scatterbrained, asking for the directions to her apartment. When she turned into half a stranger, always coming in on the same days, same times, taking a seat at the same place, always coming in during his shift. Their small talks that had started it all. Her initiative by giving him her number…</p>
<p>                He walked passed the display cases, finding the rings soon enough. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he let his eyes wander over them. Most of them were gaudy, so not befitting for her. She liked things simple. If he’d buy a ring like that for her, she’d flip for sure and most likely refused to accept it. If he’d buy her a ring it would more be like…</p>
<p>                His eyes fell on a beautiful, simple silver ring with a small green stone embodied in it. He stared at the ring. Dumbfounded. Unable to comprehend that he had found a ring that suited her so well. He could picture her accepting this ring, could see her wear it. The green of the stone matching her eyes. Perfect. The ring was just perfect.</p>
<p>                The jingle of the doorbell and him being able to imagine her wearing this ring were far too perfect, as if it was all a sign. His life wasn’t bound to be easy. That he still even had her was a miracle. That he would be able to afford this ring and have her accept it, would be too much. But as he stared at the ring, he could imagine her wearing a simple white wedding dress, smiling at him, saying “I do.” His heart leaped with excitement and joy at the thought. All his previous doubts were blown away. He made up his mind, right then and there, he’d marry her. Screw everything else. He wanted their lives to be officially bound together, for always.</p>
<p>                Licking his lips, his eyes went to the price tag, dreading the worst. Jewelry was expensive, even simple silver ones. Especially rings like this one. He was sure that he couldn’t afford it, for it would be too perfect if he could. But he wanted this ring. He was sure that there was no other ring befitting her. Finding the price tag, his heart sank. It was expensive. He couldn’t afford it. Yet. He started calculating. Maybe at the end of the month, if he worked a few extra shifts. He also had savings for a rainy day.</p>
<p>                Frowning he stared at the ring. With his savings he’d be able to afford it. She’d yell at him if she’d find out, and she would eventually, that he’d used his savings for a ring, probably asking him if he was crazy. But she was worth it and the ring was perfect. It would suit her so well.</p>
<p>                Without thinking it over, afraid that the ring would disappear if he left, afraid that he’d chicken out if he did, he called for the salesclerk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Waiting can feel like an eternity.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is incredibly short. The next one will be longer ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nervous. He was so incredibly nervous. His heart was racing inside his chest. His palms were sweaty. His mind was reeling with all the possible outcomes, both good and bad. His eyes darted through the apartment as he went over the things inside his head, wanting to make sure that absolutely everything was in order. His hand went to his pocket where he kept his precious possession. Part of him couldn’t believe that he was actually going through with this. Part of him was glad that he had decided to take this next step. His co-workers had been overjoyed at the mere idea that he was going to propose to his girl. They had even made a few suggestions and for these past few days he had been happy with their input, as they had helped him to make it slightly easier to make up his mind. It proved once again that not all humans were that bad.</p>
<p>                His eyes darted to the clock. In a few minutes then she would be home. Just a few more minutes. But those few minutes were agony. Those minutes were the longest minutes in his entire life, which didn’t do his nerves any good.</p>
<p>                Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he heard the lock turn, heard the door open. Her voice called out for him, making his heart leap with joy at the sound of her. Her footsteps came closer. She came into view, smile on her face. She stopped in her tracks. Her eyes wide with surprise as she stared at him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She's having a horrible day, but at home a surprise is waiting for her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First of all: Best wishes for this year, everyone!<br/>As promised, this chapter is longer than the previous one. Hope you enjoy the read and the first chapter for this year!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today had been a horrible day. Sometimes you had one of those days when everything had gone wrong. Today had been one of those days. Enji had been acting weird all morning, refusing to tell her why. Knowing that he would eventually tell her either way, she hadn’t pestered him for answers, but it had annoyed her for some reason none the less. Grumpier than normal, she had left for work, where things had only gone worse. She hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything, not even her own sweet project had been able to keep her occupied. Not that the Old Man minded, as having off days could happen to anyone. She knew that, it had happened to her a few times in the past, but like always, it pissed her off.</p>
<p>To make matters worse, the most annoying, selfish asshole of a costumer had chosen today of all days to come in for repairs. He was an old costumer, well his father was, who was a gentleman, mind you, yet the son always came with him. The son was a first-rate douchebag. Shamelessly flirting with her, though knowing fully well she was going steady with Enji. He had even tried to grope her, as if she was one of those dumb bimbos that he could fuck. Had Enji been there, he would have probably murdered him on the spot, which she wouldn’t blame him if matters ever came that far.</p>
<p>Enji. Just the thought of him made her feel better. Just the thought that he was at home, waiting for her return made most of her bad mood fly out of the window. Now, if he’d only act normal again or tell her what was eating at him these past few days, her day would be alright again.</p>
<p>She turned the lock, opened the door. Before the door even closed behind her, she had already taken off her jacket and shoes, bag dropped on the floor. Calling out to him, she quickly made her way to the living room where she knew Enji waited for her. She couldn’t wait to see him. She wanted…</p>
<p>She stopped in her tracks. Eyes wide with surprise, she took in the living room. Everywhere were candles, illuminating everything their light touched in a beautiful soft light and a warmth that only they could provide. On the floor lay daisies. She loved daisies, as they were such sweet, gentle flowers. In the midst of it all stood Enji, awkwardly, nervous, shy.</p>
<p>She wanted to open her mouth to ask him what was going on, as her mind was reeling with a possibility. Something she had thought about, but never put into words. No words made it passed her half open lips this time either. Their eyes met. Smiling nervously, he beckoned her to come closer, which she did without a second thought, eyes never leaving his face.</p>
<p>Her heart hammered inside her chest. On the inside, she became warm all the way through. Her mouth became dry when she reached him, after what felt like an eternity. The moment she reached him, he held out his hand. She took it. The moment she did, he dropped on one knee.</p>
<p>She watched him do it, felt his hand tremble as he held her own. He proposed to her, awkwardly, nervously, shyly yet so sweetly…. His words ever so loving. The moment the question passed his lips, she answered. There was no need to think about it. Of course she’d marry him!</p>
<p>At her reply, he smiled. He meant to stand up again, froze halfway, rummaged through his left pocket, muttering to himself for being such a fool. Before she could ask what was wrong, he took out a small box. A beautiful, yet expensive looking box. Her eyes widened. He couldn’t have… </p>
<p>He sent her an apologizing smile, then opened the small box in his hand, revealing the most beautiful ring that she had seen in her entire life. Her mouth dropped out. She must look like a fool right now, but she couldn’t believe what she saw. He shouldn’t have… It was too much!</p>
<p>Shaking her head, she told him so. That marrying him was enough. That he hadn’t need to buy the ring for her. That it was too much, as it had probably caused him a fortune. He shook his head, insisting that she’d take it. She did. Wide eyed, unable to believe that this was happening, she let him put the ring on her ring finger. It fit perfectly. It was absolutely beautiful.</p>
<p>Her eyes went from the ring on her finger to him. She kissed him, telling him how happy she was, how much she loved him. She felt him smile between her kisses, arms sneaking around her waist, pressing her against him. She muttered his name, her mind still reeling of what just happened. They were engaged, bound to be married. With the only man she had ever loved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shortly after she said yes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A little warning about this chapter because it's a little bit more... explicit than my previous chapters. I wondered whether I should post this, but decided to do so anyways, since I do find it important to the story and it goes into a little bit more depth of her feelings for him.<br/>If it's not your cup of tea, then feel free to wait for the next chapter. If you don't mind, then do continue reading. You have been warned :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They lay in bed together. His body pressed against her, arms wrapped around her, strong, warm and comforting. Their hands intertwined. She loved his hands. She gazed at their hands, at the ring around her finger. It gleamed in the dim light that fell through a small opening between the curtains. She still couldn’t believe that she wore it, that he had bought it. Softly she asked him where he found the ring.</p>
<p>                He chuckled at her question, probably anticipating the question from her. He told her. How he had entered the jewelry store, the jingle of the doorbell that had brought back memories of their first meeting and the times after that. The moment he saw the ring… The plans that he had made, with help of his co-workers, to propose to her.</p>
<p>                She replayed their shared memories as he talked, letting his voice take her away to the past. The other parts she tried to imagine. She smiled as he told her, his odd behavior of late suddenly made sense. She still couldn’t believe how much effort he always put into things to make her happy, how much he loved her still. No matter how difficult she could be.  </p>
<p>                Turning in their embrace, she beamed at him, telling him how happy she was with him. How much she loved him. She couldn’t help but saying the words again. He beamed back at her, all his awkwardness and nervousness of earlier long gone. He kissed her, hands starting to roam her body once more. He barely had to touch her to make her want him. One look in his eyes, a whisper or a smile easily did the trick. In no time at all he had her moan and whimper his name. His lips on her own, on her skin. He gazed at her. His head between her thighs, kissing her skin. His damp hair plastered against his forehead. Eyes slowly turning red. A whimper escaped her lips at the sight of him, anticipating of what to come, unable to wait.</p>
<p>                She couldn’t get enough of him. She could never get enough of him. She loved the time with him, loved every second of it. Loved their daily life together. Loved how he still drove her insane when he took her. She loved everything, even their meaningless fights and bickering after which she sometimes feared that they’d break up but always remained together in the end. And now she was engaged to this man, to this man she loved with all her heart.</p>
<p>                She moaned when he entered her, loving the way he felt inside of her, loving how his body felt on hers. She loved to feel of his muscles flex beneath her touch, loved the sound of his voice, as he moaned her name. She loved how he moved, knowing exactly how they both liked it. He knew all her good spots, finding them easily. He knew her so well and she loved it.</p>
<p>                She clung to him as their lovemaking became more passionate, more rougher. She loved how it was never the same. Every time was different, exciting. His red eyes only added to the excitement. She loved his ghoul side, loved how he never even bothered anymore to hide it from her. His red eyes locked on her own green ones. The look they held sent her shivering with delight to the very core of her being. Biting her lower lip, she tried to suppress a moan. He smirked at her effort. He never let her be quiet. One movement from him and she loudly moaned his name. He was so good, so deliciously good. He leaned forward, kissing her passionately as she came.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The day after he proposed.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He couldn’t believe that she had actually said yes, that she was going to marry him. Him, of all people! And the night after she had accepted his proposal… He coughed softly, trying to keep himself in check. But the memories of last night kept coming. First the living room, right on the spot where he had proposed, then on the way to the bedroom where he had taken her against the door, after that the bedroom… He just couldn’t get enough of her and last night, he had lost all control. Did he blame himself? Of course not. If anyone was to blame it was her. She was too tempting, too inviting. She drove him crazy.</p>
<p>                He jolted when someone slapped him on the back. Cursing himself for letting his guard down, even at work, he turned around, only to find his co-workers standing behind him with curious expressions on their faces. ‘Well?’</p>
<p>                He told them, suddenly feeling bashful as the memories from last night kept replaying in his mind. Of course he let out the part of their lovemaking. His co-workers didn’t need to know all that. His sex-life was none of their business. Then again, part of him did feel like bragging. So he told them that, after she had accepted his proposal, he got a nice “reward”. A remark on which his co-workers pried right away. He smirked at their reaction, feeling satisfied, telling them that he had no intention of going into the detail, as it was not appropriate towards his lover. On one of his co-workers replied whether he didn’t mean his fiancé.</p>
<p>                Fiancé. She was his fiancé. His wife-to-be. His. For always.</p>
<p>                The realization dawned him. He doubted that he could concentrate today.</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>She called out for the Old Man, unable to contain her happiness. On the way to work, she had called Lottie, bringing her friend the news, unable to wait until they met in person. Lottie had congratulated her, asking her all the details, which, of course, she’d happily told about. The surprise, the way he had proposed, the ring, everything. Well almost everything, she kept the aftermath a bit vague, though by Lottie’s amused reaction, her friend knew enough.</p>
<p>                The Old Man greeted her happily, right away inquiring about her great mood, as she had left rather moody yesterday. Jumping straight on the matter at hand, she told him that Enji had proposed to her yesterday after work. She showed him the ring Enji had gotten her. That beautiful ring.</p>
<p>                The Old Man smiled when she told him, with a playful gleam in his eyes. Right away, she realized that he had known. When she asked him, he admitted that Enji had asked him for permission to marry her, claiming that the Old Man was the closed person she had to a father and he had felt obliged to ask. She nearly burst into tears. It was true and so incredibly sweet of Enji to think about all that. What had she ever done to deserve him?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Weddingbells :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They kept it simple. Nothing big. Just a simple ceremony with a few friends. Taiki gave her away, symbolic, yet the old man seemed to swell with pride when he gave her to him. Eyes moist as the older male try to hold back the tears.</p>
<p>                She wore a beautiful, simple white dress. Her unruly red curls for once neatly tied up, with Lottie’s help, who had taken it upon herself to prepare her friend of the ceremony. And had Lottie done a marvelous job. She looked absolutely gorgeous.</p>
<p>When she stood at his side, his heart swelled with pride and joy. With their fingers intertwined they said their “I do’s”. Then the rings, matching ones, with their initial engraved in them.</p>
<p>                The rest was a bit hazy to him. A small after party at Lottie’s. Then a few presents, of which one was a weekend away to an onsen just outside Tokyo. It was for that very same weekend, arranged by both his co-workers and Lottie. Taik had, despite their protests, paid for both her dress and the rings. But at the small party he gave them another present. Chuckling he handed the package to them, saying it was something for the future.</p>
<p>                She opened it, as he found it befitting that she did. Inside the package there was a small onesie. He nearly chocked in his coffee when he saw it. She flushed, eyes darting for the small baby clothes to him and back again. The rest burst into joyful laughter. Taiki as well, obviously pleased with their reaction, laughing that he wanted some grandkids before his time came. Luckily, he added that they had the time, as he wasn’t planning to leave them any time soon.</p>
<p>                After the party they went home. He carried her over the doorstep, making her giggle, claiming that it was downright corny. He grinned at her, replying that was why he did it. That night they made love for their first time as husband and wife. He did find it, however, almost a shame to take off that white dress she wore, as he knew that he’d never see her wear it ever again.</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>He had looked so handsome yesterday. Standing there as the Old Man had given her away, an expression of both pride and joy plain on his face. it had taken her all her self-control not to burst into tears right then and there. Or the moments after. Everything had been so wonderful. It was still wonderful. She gazed at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful.</p>
<p>                On his ring finger, she saw his ring gleaming softly. A ring the same as hers, with the same initials written on the inside, a silent proof that they were bound to one another. He was hers. Officially. On paper, in a way. They were registered as husband and wife. Forever. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought, despite the possible risks that came with them. If the CCG ever found out about them, they’d both be in trouble. Yet, it was trouble that she’d welcome, should it come to pass. She’d face it, with her head held up high. As long as he was at her side, she could do anything.</p>
<p>                Sighing happily, she nuzzled closer, wanting to feel his warm body against her own. He stirred in his sleep when she did. Muttering something inaudible, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, yet he didn’t wake. Suppressing a giggle, she kissed him on his forehead. He muttered something again, this time however, he did wake up.</p>
<p>                She watched his eyes slowly getting into focus, as he sent her a sleepy smile. With a voice still thick from sleep he greeted her. One hand went to her cheek, caressing her skin gently. His eyes went from her face to the ring on his finger and back again. A sigh escaped his lips as his smile widened. He pulled her closer, kissing her sweetly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Happy with the present, but still missing the past.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He crocked his head, watching her, like he mostly did when she cooked their food. In a way, things were still the same. In a way, things were different, in a good way. He liked the way the rings were a silent testimony of their bond. One glance at hers and he knew she was his, just like other men would know damn well that she was officially taken. On the same finger, she also wore their engagement ring, saying that it was a shame to put away, as it was so beautiful. It had flattered him, though he was well aware that it was uncommon to do so when one was married. Not that he minded.</p>
<p>                Married. He was officially married. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought of marrying. Sure, he had discussed the issue with his colleagues at Anteiku, in a playful manner, arguing who was going to remain single for eternity and who might end up marrying first. Touka had always been the girl who was going to marry, of that they had all agreed. Irimi, well, he had always said that she’d remain single and end up as an old spinster somewhere. At which his old rival had always claimed that he wouldn’t be fairing no better. How wrong she had been. If she only knew…</p>
<p>                His smile faltered and for the first time in weeks, he felt the stabbing pain of missing his old colleagues and friends again. Had things gone differently, they would have been at the wedding as well. If things had gone differently, he could have shared his happiness with them.</p>
<p>                She said his name, gently touching his arm. Sending him a faint smile, she inquired whether he thought of his friends from Anteiku. He nodded, telling her what he was thinking of. She read him like a book. She knew that he missed his friends, his old job at Anteiku. She knew him so well. She rarely needed a word when it came to his friends. He loved her for it.</p>
<p>                She kissed him, ever so sweetly. The second she did, the stabbing pain in his chest disappeared. Especially when she suggested that, if he wanted, that they’d celebrate their marriage with his friends, the moment they were reunited. It was a small chance of that happening, but at that very moment, he couldn’t be happier with her words.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 42</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A very early Christmas present.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>December. She had been acting a bit odd the last few days now that Christmas was around the corner. She was merrier than normal, and more secretive. A smile kept tugging at her lips whenever he was around. He could tell that she was jumping for joy and a couple of times he was sure that he nearly had her spilling her guts. But unlike normally, she refused to tell him, saying that he should wait until Christmas. Reluctant he let her have her way, yet the curiosity that was building up inside of him was almost too much to bear.</p>
<p>                Sighing he now let her drag her around the 20<sup>th</sup> ward. Well at least he figured it was the 20<sup>th</sup> ward, as it smelled the same. Problem was, she had pursued him to wear a blindfold. How she had managed to do just that, he had no idea. One moment he had been arguing with her, refusing flat out to go outside like that in public. His pride hurt by her suggestion. Yet he found himself both blindfolded and in public, being dragged around by his wife. He felt like an idiot. His pride, as both a man and as a ghoul, was in tatters at the moment and he didn’t like his wife as much right now, as he had liked her this morning. He kept replaying this afternoon over and over in his mind and he still couldn’t figure out how she managed to get him into this situation. Why did she know him so well? Just why?</p>
<p>                He heard a door open and close, a doorbell jingle as they went through. Coffee. It smelled deliciously of coffee. Familiar coffee, not the ones he served at his job, nor the coffee she brewed for him at home. The entire place, wherever he was, smelled familiar. Almost like Anteiku, yet different. He couldn’t place it.</p>
<p>                He heard her giggle, heard her skipping around him. The blindfold was being untied. The moment he felt the blindfold loosen, he meant to turn around and demand what all the fuss was about. She better have a good reason to put him through his humiliation. He was the Devil Ape for crying out loud and not some…</p>
<p>                When he opened his eyes, he froze, his mind completely blank. He stood in a café, a lovely, cozy looking café. One that smelled so familiar, yet so new to him. But that wasn’t why he froze. In front of him stood Irimi, Touka, Yomo. He blinked, unable to believe what he was seeing.</p>
<p>                She appeared in his sight, jumping up and down with joy, wishing him a merry Christmas, though they still had a few more days to go.</p>
<p>                He opened his mouth, wanting to ask her how she had found them. But he could only croak.</p>
<p>                Irimi shook her head, whacking him hard on the head, asking if that was all he had to say after all this time, calling him a stupid ape for leaving so suddenly to look for his girl roughly two years ago. He could have met up with them sooner, if he had only waited a little bit longer. He snarled at her, telling her that she had no idea how much his girl meant to him. Irimi only smirked at his words, pointing at his hand on which he wore his ring, telling him that it was prove enough.</p>
<p>                Touka and Yomo were more considerate. He found that Touka had become more feminine, more gentle, but he changed his mind after she gave him a slight scolding in her old manner. She told him that it had been his wife who had found them, strolling into the café absentmindedly, like she had done years ago back at Anteiku. That it had been her, who had told them he was still alive and well and everything that had happened after that. They did admit, however, that they were surprised that he had been able to pursue her to marry him.</p>
<p>                He bickered with them about that, feeling the need to defend himself. As he bickered, mostly with Irimi, he had to admit that he was happy. It felt like old times again. When Touka asked him to work at her café, he could barely contain his joy at her offer. Of course he would, though he had to work things out with his current job before he could start. As he discussed this with Touka, his eyes went to her, sitting a little bit at a distance, gazing at him and his friends, with a content smile on her face. He smiled back at her, mentally taking a note to thank her for all this. What would he do without her?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 43</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How she found them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Humming to herself, she wandered the streets through the 20<sup>th</sup> ward. Wondering what to get Enji for Christmas, but unable to decide, she let her feet take her wherever. After all, that was how she had met him, so why wouldn’t it work for her present for him?</p>
<p>                She wanted to give him something special, as it was their first Christmas as a married couple. The onsen was out of the question. Though they’d loved to go back, it had been quite expensive and it had been a hassle with the food. She sniggered at the memory. The innkeeper had arranged a wonderful dinner for two, which she had to eat all on her own. She had managed to eat it all, though she had barely been able to move after eating far too much that entire weekend and she could have sworn that she had gained weight since then. But the food had been great and Enji called her a glutton half of the time considering her already absurd appetite on normal days, something he and Lottie seemed to agree on. They always claimed to be surprised that she hadn’t gone fat yet.</p>
<p>                Then there had been that deliciously private onsen attached to their room, where they had spent a lot of time. It had been wonderful. Taking a bath beneath the open sky filled with stars with your lover… Though she had gone a few times alone, as Enji had kept forgetting that he couldn’t sit in hot baths for too long and she had to carry him out once or twice. Sweet fool.</p>
<p>                And then there had been the lovely surroundings and small villages where they strolled about for hours, just enjoying each other’s company. And the yukata’s they got to wear… or not.</p>
<p>Suppressing a squeal of delight, she heard a doorbell jingle over her head. A jingle that sounded a bit familiar. Blinking, she glanced about the café she had just strolled in, only to find an all too familiar face gazing back at her with surprise. ‘Touka-chan!’</p>
<p>                After becoming from the first surprise, she found herself and the younger she-ghoul talking about the times during which they hadn’t seen each other over a cup of coffee. Apparently a lot had been going on their side. The she-ghoul even filled her in on a news from the ghoul world, though she seemed, just like Enji years ago, reluctant to tell her too much, for the same reasons he had done.</p>
<p>                She smiled at that, showing her the ring on her finger. Telling Touka that, no matter what, she was officially bound to their world. Of course, she got a lot of questions from the she-ghoul. Questions that she had to answer all over again when Irimi and later a few other familiar faces came in the café. Especially Irimi kept pestering her about Enji, wondering why on earth she’d ever marry that stupid ape. She could only laugh at the ghoul’s words, shrugging as she had no answer and yet too many to sum up. When she voiced this, Irimi smiled and shook her head, telling her that, as long as she was happy with that ape, it was fine.</p>
<p>                Feeling like this was a good starting point to bring Enji back in his ghoul world, she wondered out loud how to go on about it. Irimi asked her why she was there in the first place. Explaining that she had meant to look for a Christmas present, Irimi and her both smiled at the same idea that was forming in their mind. And so their plans were made. A bit early for Christmas but a present none the less.</p>
<p>                A few days later it was time for the big surprise. It was, however, a struggle to pursue Enji to go out in public blindfolded. But she managed, somehow. He was stubborn, incredibly stubborn, and prideful, which she knew, but still. Sometimes, just sometimes, she wished he was a little less prideful. Then again, he had his weaknesses and a perk of being his wife was that she was his weakness. She had her ways to pursue her stubborn husband to listen to her odd request, though she was sure that he’d pay her back later when she’d least expected it.</p>
<p>                Dragging her stubborn, now completely blindfolded husband, through the streets did feel a bit odd. Despite that Tokyo was home to, let’s admit it, quite a few weirdos, they did got a few curious and disapproving looks. No doubt some people thought that they were going to some party or wherever for some adulterated fun. She frowned at the thought. If she wanted Enji to act that way, she could think of better ways and places to act out her little fantasies.</p>
<p>                Finally she managed to drag him into Re:, the café Touka managed. All the while she watched him, jumping for joy upon seeing his reaction when seeing his friends again. The moments after, she sat down, a little bit on the outside, enjoying herself with the fact that he looked so happy. She was content that she had managed to give him back a piece of the world in which he belonged. A world where his friends were. A world which he had so deeply missed.</p>
<p>                He caught her gaze. A smile on his face. He looked so happy. She should have done this sooner. She should have let her feet wander months ago, two years ago. Maybe she could have given him this happiness sooner. If only she had done so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Being reunited with old friends can bring more than they had accounted for.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Right now, he couldn’t be happier. After all this time, he was reunited with his friends. Hell, he could even work at the café again, if he wanted to. Which he did, though thinking of his current co-workers, he didn’t feel like leaving them for good. Truth to be told, he actually liked his current co-workers. Maybe he could find a way and work for both. After all, he wouldn’t be the first person to have two jobs. He would work out how to take shifts on both sides and still spent time with his wife.</p>
<p>                He glanced at her, as they walked home. He owed her so much. Practically all the good things that happened in his life had been thanks to her. Ever since she came into his life, his life had gone for the better. Good things that he could never pay her back for. Not that she wanted that. He knew that, but still. If she hadn’t been at his side, his current life was probably a still miserable mess.</p>
<p>                She hooked her arm around his, resting her head a few seconds on his shoulder. Turning his head, he kissed her. Softly, quickly, as they were still in public, but oh how he wished they weren’t. Smiling at her, he thanked her for the early Christmas present. Telling her how great it had been to see them all again, even Irimi.</p>
<p>                She beamed at him. Her green eyes shining happily.</p>
<p>                What would he ever do without her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just a month, just a short month after he was reunited with his friends, he was dragged back in the trouble that had gone down in his world. They filled him in, for as much as was needed. As it turned out, he had missed out on a couple of things, though that the Doves were more active than in the past was already something he knew. When his friends planned a raid on the CCG headquarters, his first thought was to participate, wanting to help out wherever he could. But at the last second, he thought better of it. If he’d go back to the battle front, he’d have to leave her behind, again. Just like two years ago. He didn’t want that. So he felt relieved when Kaneki said that he should hold the fort. A job which he gladly accepted.</p>
<p>                Which is where he was now. She had gone with him, wanting to keep him company, as he waited for his friends to return. Seeing as there were no costumers, they silently enjoyed each other’s company, though he found himself wondering how his friends fared. He hoped that they’d succeed.</p>
<p>                She took his hand, squeezing it softly. Just like that, bits of his worries disappeared. Such a simple thing. Then again, she always said that it were the little things in life that counted and truth to be told, she was right. But as he looked at her, a little new worry started to form in his mind. Well, maybe not entirely new.</p>
<p>                There was always this little voice in his head that kept telling him that he should keep her out of his world as much as possible. If he’d drag her into his any further, there would be no way out. The Doves could find out about her. The penalty of harboring a ghoul was death and she was doing more than that. Suppressing a groan, he realized that she was in far too deep already. She wasn’t even harboring a ghoul, she had married one. If they caught her, she’d be dead, no questions asked.</p>
<p>                She pointed at the frown on his forehead, asking what was wrong. He voiced his worries, seeing no option but to spill his guts. He may as well tell her, for it wouldn’t do him any good to keep it inside. And it was probably something that she had been thinking about as well, especially how things went on in both their worlds. He sighed, croaking that he didn’t want to lose her. He really couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.</p>
<p>                She stood up, walked across the table before sitting down own his lap. Right away her scent was everywhere, just as her warmth. She caressed his cheek, sweetly kissing him when she did. In a whisper, she told him that she'd rather live a short life with him, than a long one without. That he was worth every risk. Even if that risk was losing her life for marrying him. That she had no regrets, no matter what may come to pass.</p>
<p>                Sighing, he let his head rest on her shoulder, muttering how much he loved her. That he felt the same way. He moved to kiss her, one of his hands sneaking beneath her sweater. He felt her shiver when his colder hand came in touch with her warm skin.</p>
<p>                A cough. Someone scratched his throat. Feeling both guilty and caught, he found Yomo standing at a respectful distance. They muttered a soft apology. Yomo didn’t reply. He only walked away, gesturing them to follow after closing the café. </p>
<p>                They followed him to a room filled with monitors. There they took place, keeping an eye out on everything, waiting restlessly until they received a word from Kaneki and the others. She sat at his side, silently, yet her presence was comforting. He glanced at her from time to time, searching for her hand. He softly squeezed in hers, smiling faintly, glad with her company.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 45</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All good things end, some day, somehow... Will they pull through?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things had gone wrong. So horribly wrong. Then again, he did deserve it. It was his punishment for all the heinous crimes that he had committed in his past. He would be released of his guilt, of the weight that always weighted on his shoulders like a heavy cloak, even with her in his life. He deserved nothing less. That said, he only deserved a heavier punishment. A worse outcome. But she didn’t.</p>
<p>                She didn’t deserve this pain, this sorrow. She had no part of this. It wasn’t her fault for loving a criminal like him, for loving a ghoul. He never deserved her and yet, he had kept her at his side. Dragging her slowly into his mad world, while he should have set her free years ago. He should have known better. How could he have been so selfish?</p>
<p>                Then again, the answer was simple: because he loved her. He truly did. Why else would he have married her despite everything? He couldn’t live without her, not any more. If he lost her, he might as well be dead. Like she always said, he’d rather live a short life with her than a long one without. What terrified him at the moment was that this might be the case. Only the other way around. He was going to leave his life and this time for good. He could feel it.</p>
<p>                He should be glad. Happy even. This was the punishment that he had been longing for all this time. He could repay his debt to all the victims that he had made over the years. But he wasn’t. Instead of accepting his death, he felt an urge to live. He wanted to live. For her. With her.</p>
<p>                He saw the Dove coming for him. He wanted to move, to put up a fight. Yet he found his body unable to respond. His kagune didn’t activate. His wounds were too grave, too deep. Even his regeneration abilities had a hard time keeping him alive. He glanced at the ring on his finger, a silent reminder that she was waiting for his return. He couldn’t die, not anymore. Not if he meant to make her happy and he had vowed to make her happy. Even if it meant living with his guilt, he was to stay alive, for her.</p>
<p>                He could see her so clearly in his mind. She had smiled at him so lovingly this morning, as she had kissed him goodbye, wearing his blouse. Her hair still uncombed. Her touch gentle when she had brushed her fingers over his lips, eyes locked on his own. Her voice that said his name, wishing him well at his job, claiming that they’d see each other tonight. If only he could turn back time. If only he hadn’t left for work this morning. If only he had remained in their apartment, at her side. If only…</p>
<p>                He saw the Dove charge at him, face filled with disgust and hate. He was hated. It had been so long since someone had looked at him that way. He had almost forgotten how that look made him feel. So unlike her loving expression. The only person who embraced and loved all of him. At least, he would die knowing what it was like to be loved.</p>
<p>                He looked at the ring around his finger again, a sob escaping his throat. If only he could hold her one more time. If only he could tell her once more how much he loved her. Tears welled up in his eyes. Her name rolled so easily passed his lips. He murmured an apology to her, for every promise that he wasn’t able to keep, for everything that he put her through and would put her through, for being such a worthless husband.</p>
<p>                <em>Goodbye, sweetheart.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 46</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She heard about the fight. Will she be able to stop it?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She ran as fast as her feet could take her. Her heart hammered in her chest. She put her foot wrong, nearly losing her balance. Luckily, she kept herself steady and ran on. Her mind was blank, except for her thoughts of him.</p>
<p>                She’d heard a rumor, whispers, that the Doves were fighting the infamous Devil Ape. That the Devil Ape had been working in a café, pretending to be human, but was now finally exposed. Upon hearing the rumor, she had abandoned her work, bolting straight in the direction of where the fight was supposed to be. According to the rumor, he was fighting a losing battle. She only hoped that the rumor was untrue.</p>
<p>                She should have stopped him from going today. She should have made him stay at home, finding some lame excuse to do so. But she had thought that it was just another normal day. That he’d be home around dinner time. That they’d spend the night together, like so many times before. Where had it gone wrong? When on this day had her fears come true? Who was the cause of this exposure? Who?!</p>
<p>                He didn’t deserve to die, even though he thought that he should. She knew that he didn’t value his life much. That he wanted to be punished for his past crimes. That he still thought that he didn’t deserve her and be happy. She feared that this guilty side of him would take the upper hand and make him choose death over his life. She didn’t want him to. Even though it was selfish, she wanted him to remain at her side.</p>
<p>                She heard commotion, the sound of a far battle. Pushing through the mob that was going the opposite direction, she ran on. A few people tried to stop her in vain. She struggled, even punching a guy who tried to take her to safety. People needed to stay out of other people’s business, especially hers. Only Enji was allowed to pry. Only him and his life was in danger. There was no time to apologize. She pressed on, hoping that she wasn’t too late.</p>
<p>                Running through an alley, the battle came slowly into view. Even from a distance, she could see that it wasn’t looking good. He lay on the ground, bleeding, unable to move. The Dove was charging at him, weapon ready to slice him into pieces.</p>
<p>                Pushing herself to run even faster, she screamed at the Dove for him to stop. He heard her. She saw him hesitate. Taking advantage of the moment, she leaped forward.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 47</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Koma realizes that she's there.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is incredibly short. The next one is longer, which I will update today as well. Do be warned though, the story goes down hill from here. So if you're expecting some sweet romance any time soon... well, as far as the story now goes, I don't even know when or if we will get back to that. I just realized how ominous that sounds... Anyway, I do hope you enjoy the read ^^"</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He heard her voice screaming out. How odd. Surely he was hallucinating. Must be because he was dying. There was no way that she could be there right now. There was no way…</p>
<p>                A flash of red curls. A body that he knew so well threw itself over him. A familiar scent. Wide eyed, he croaked her name. She didn’t…?!</p>
<p>                She was. In reply, she muttered his name. Arms wrapped protectively around him, pulling him close, shielding him from the Dove. He heard the Dove argue with her, asking her as to why she was protecting a ghoul. He asked her to leave the premises, asking her whether she had lost her mind, asking if she knew her place. She answered, telling him that she wouldn’t let the Dove kill him or take him to the CCG, that she had no intention to go anywhere. That she did know her place, as it was between him and her husband.</p>
<p>                Her answers and replies were honest, blunt, like her words were so many times. He loved her for it. But now, he feared that her honesty would get her killed. She didn’t deserve this, not in the least. She needed to leave, to stay out of this. Especially now that he couldn’t protect her. He wanted to protect her, yet his body was unable to move. He hated that he couldn’t protect her from the Dove, who’s concerned expression now turned into one of disgust. She was viewed like she was a ghoul herself and by voicing her love for him out loud, she would be treated as such.</p>
<p>                He whispered her name, telling her that she should leave. That it was fine to leave him behind, as he was going to die either way. She protested. With tears in her eyes, she told him that she wouldn’t go anywhere. That they’d either escape together or die together.</p>
<p>                Despite the circumstances, he sent her a crocked smile. How he loved this sweet, foolish woman, who loved him so whole heartedly. How he loved…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 48</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She gets taken away from Koma and is questioned by the Doves.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Backup came. Despite her struggling and protests, they tore her away from him. All she could do was watch, as they restrained him and took him away. She didn’t want them to see her tears, yet she couldn’t control her sadness and despair, as Enji disappeared from her view. She kept calling out to him, though knowing fully well that it wouldn’t matter. That it wouldn’t change a damn thing. Yet she couldn’t help it. She wanted to remain at his side, no matter what. Even if it meant her death. As long as he was at her side, she could take on anything. But now he was gone. She didn’t know if she’d ever see him again.</p>
<p>                They took her with them as well, putting cuffs on her like she was some kind of criminal. In their eyes she was, though her only crime was loving someone. Loving a man who wasn’t human, but a ghoul. She had harbored him, as they called it. But was it harboring someone when you loved that person? When you had decided to live together and eventually marry? Was it such a crime? Why? Had Enji been human, no one would have beat an eye. But only because he was a ghoul… It wasn’t his fault to be born that way. He was a great man, who just happened to be born a ghoul. So what? Human or ghoul… none of it should matter. They loved each other. So what? Wasn’t that what was most important? Wasn’t that enough?</p>
<p>                They put her in an interrogation room, where they left her for who knew how long. The wait made her restless, for it gave her time to think about his fate. She wanted to know what they were doing with him. Whether they’d let him live or kill him. Whether they’d lock him up for good or just long enough to be of use. She didn’t know and not knowing made her restless.</p>
<p>                A Dove came in, probably to interrogate her. Before he could open his mouth however, she asked him about her husband. The Dove said that he couldn’t answer that. She replied that, if that were the case, then he could shove it and she’d have nothing to say.</p>
<p>He left.</p>
<p>                Sometime later, another one came by. She asked him the same thing. He gave her the same reply as his colleague and just as with his colleague, she replied the same way. If none of them was going to give her any information about the well-being of her husband then she had nothing to say.</p>
<p>                She kept this up. Finally, one of the Doves who came to interrogate her told her that her husband had been sent to Cochlea, where he was being kept until further notice. She was relieved at this, for it meant that he was still alive, for now.</p>
<p>                Then the questions came. Like a firing squad, they came at her with questions, one after another. A lot of ‘why?’. Why hadn’t she reported him when she’d found out he was a ghoul? Why had she build up her relationship with him? Why hadn’t she fled? Why had she married him? Why wasn’t she disgusted with him being a ghoul?</p>
<p>                The list was endless. Meaningless questions. None of them mattered. Nor were the answers she gave them, though she shot back mostly with questions of her own. Why would she report him if he was a good man? Why wouldn’t she want to live with him and marry the person she loved? Why should she be bothered by something so trivial as to what he is?</p>
<p>                Her replies and questions only seemed to irritate and anger her interrogators. Not that it mattered. She never expected them to understand. They were so caught up in cleansing the world from ghouls that it never crossed their mind that there were good ghouls as well, just like humans. The fact that ghouls had to live on human flesh wasn’t their fault. There were ghouls who loathed their own nature, cursing their fate. There were plenty of ghouls she knew who were dying to know what it was like to eat human food, yet would never be able to.</p>
<p>                They told her that her husband was the infamous Devil Ape, that he had committed heinous crimes. They wanted to know whether she knew this. She replied that she did. Enji had told her everything. She was his wife after all. There were no secrets between them, not anymore.</p>
<p>                Eventually she was left at her own devices, locked away in a common cell. The moment she was alone, she let her mask slip and let her tears run free once more, hoping that Enji was alright, hoping that he hadn’t succumbed to his wounds. There had been so much blood. He had looked so awful, pale and exhausted. He hadn’t even been able to move a muscle. She hated to have seen her lover been reduced to such a state. Worse, he hadn’t even done anything wrong. Why couldn’t people understand that they were just trying to live their lives at the best of their abilities? Why was it so wrong to live and to be happy with what you were given?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 49</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doves didn't understand her answers during their interrogation. Will they understand his?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He slipped in and out of consciousness. His wounds were healing, slowly but healing all the same. He was hungry. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. His mouth dry of thirst. He thought that he’d heard her calling out to him, in the same desperate voice as when they took him away. It didn’t matter whether he was awake or not. All he saw, flashing before his eyes, was her. Begging, pleading, tears streaming down her face. Determinant and stubborn. Sweet, loving, her touch ever so gentle. Even there, locked away, he could see her. Hear her. Smell her scent. Feel her touch. She was everywhere. His sweet, loving wife.</p>
<p>                He wondered where they had taken her. What was happening to her now? Knowing her, she’d give the Doves a run for their money. Probably answering their interrogation with answers that they couldn’t even begin to understand. He was sure that he was next. Though he figured that they’d most likely want to know as to why he hadn’t eaten her yet.</p>
<p>                Why would he, when he couldn’t possibly live without her?</p>
<p>                Closing his eyes, he felt his consciousness slip again. Muttering her name, he let the darkness take him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They interrogated him, asking him questions that he had expected from them. He didn’t answer any of them. His private life was none of their business. He wasn’t going to tell them about his friends nor about his wife. Though figuring that she had inquired after him, he did the same. Answering their questions with one of his own. All about his wife. He just wanted to know whether she was alright, whether she was still alive.</p>
<p>                They didn’t answer any of his questions, which angered him. He snarled at them that he had every right to know what was happening with his wife and as to where she was. It was his right as her husband.</p>
<p>                Their looks got darker, their eyes filled with disgust. One of them answered that she shouldn’t have married a monster in the first place, that she was guilty of the very same crimes as he. He laughed at this, calling them insane. How could someone be guilty of the same crimes as he, without ever harming anyone? She had never killed a person. She never would. She especially would never even consider trying to eat human flesh. So how was she a monster? If she was, their concept of a monster was way of the mark. That they called him a monster, that he could understand and actually agree with, but her? No.</p>
<p>                Seeing that they were getting nowhere, they left him to his own devices. Which meant, chained down in a bare cell without any food or water. Licking his lips, he was glad to have eaten before they caught him. At least he wouldn’t starve any time soon, but he was thirsty, which may be just as bad. But he had been through worse, through far worse. He would survive, even if it was just to know that she was alive and well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 50</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She learns who ratted out Koma.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just realized today that we're at 50 chapters aleady! 50! Damn... *laughs*. For everyone who has been following Koma and his lady from the beginning, thank you for reading! The story isn't over yet. Please follow them until the end!</p>
<p>There will be two chapters today btw, since this one is... kind of short. Enjoy the read!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another one came, asking her the same questions as before, as if hoping that she would change her mind and tell them everything that they wanted to hear. She glared at him, snarling that he could go fuck himself.</p>
<p>                He merely stared at her, sour-faced, as if he had eaten lemons for breakfast.</p>
<p>                ‘Who told you he’s a ghoul?’ she asked, seeing an opportunity to ask one of the questions that had been weighting on her mind. Sitting alone in a cell had given her too much time to think. In her mind, she had tried to figure out who had ratted Enji out. Who? If it was a friend, why now and not years before? If it was a stranger, how had they found out? Or had it all been a mere coincidence? A gruel twist of fate?</p>
<p>                He asked her if she thought that she had any right to ask any questions. At which she replied that he had no right to judge their life choices without knowing shit about either of them. Her anger flared up when she spoke. Enji had once told her that, when angered, she looked like a raging ghoul. He had said it with an amused expression on his face and that playful tone in his voice that he always got when teasing her. She hadn’t minded him calling her a ghoul, as the comment had always made that thin line between humans and ghouls a bit more blurry in her mind. If she did look like a ghoul right now, that was good. Let them compare her to Enji. She’d rather be thrown in with the ghouls than being associated with these narrow-minded humans.</p>
<p>                The Dove didn’t reply. Instead, he turned on his heels and started to walk off. She called after him, demanding to know who had ratted them out once more. Halfway, he turned, a sneer on his face. When he told her, her eyes widened with shock. Filled with disbelief, she could only stare at him. Her mouth hung open, but she was dumbfounded and unable to utter even a croak. Her mind was desperately trying to comprehend the information given to her. Information that she didn’t even want to believe. It would make everything that she had believed, every bit of trust, crumble to dust and turn back into nothing. If his answer was true, a large part of her life had been a lie.</p>
<p>Taking obvious pleasure in her reaction, a wide grin appeared on the man’s face. When the Dove finally left, his laughter echoed against the bare walls.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She meets the person who ratted him out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As promised, the second (and longer) update for today. Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She didn’t know for how long she had sat in that cell. It could be hours. It could be days. Weeks even. If she didn’t worry about Enji, she wondered whether the Old Man had reported her missing. Was he searching for her? Or had he heard that his employ had been married to a ghoul and given up on her? Had he gone on with his life, wanting to erase the very existence of her from his memory, just to forget the woman who had fallen head over heels for a ghoul? A woman that he had treated like family. A woman who he had given away, to a man that everyone else called a monster.</p>
<p>                She missed the Old Man and wished more than once that she could have one moment to talk to him. Or to see him. Even if it was just to see the resentment in his eyes, like so many people now looked at her with. They treated her like a murderer, like a freak and all because she loved someone who, in their eyes, didn’t even have the right to exist.</p>
<p>                But what hurt more than anything, was the knowledge that she had been betrayed by one of the people that she had trusted the most. She simply couldn’t believe that Lottie had ratted him out. She couldn’t even believe that Lottie had known. Neither she nor Enji had even mentioned anything ghoul related when Lottie had been around, safe for the things in the news and that shouldn’t have been a giveaway. Whenever a ghoul was mentioned, everyone talked about it, voicing their opinion. Though they had always kept their opinion subtle, as far as she knew, neither of them had given Lottie anything on whether Enji was a ghoul.</p>
<p>                So how? And even if it had come to her friend’s knowledge, why had it mattered? Hadn’t they both wished of each other’s happiness, like friends always do? Hadn’t they always supported one another, no matter what? So why? And why rat them out now? Why not sooner?</p>
<p>                Lottie could have ratted them out years ago, even before they had started dating. Did she dislike Enji so much that it was worth risking everything, even their lives? Did she even know what the consequences were for ratting them out? Not only Enji’s life was forfeit, but her own as well. If Lottie had gotten sick of her, there were better ways to end a friendship. But no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t figure out as to why.</p>
<p>                When a Dove came to bring her some food and water, she requested to see her friend, claiming that she had every right to. To her surprise, he told her that she could. The ease with which he complied made her suspicious and after he left, she figured that he had just said so to keep her from asking more. She didn’t expect to see either the Dove nor her friend. But to her surprise, despite the wait, Lottie appeared a long while after she had made her request.</p>
<p>                Her friend sat down on the other side of the bars, gazing at her with an expression that she couldn’t place. Though she had a million question, no words came out of her moth. All she could do was stare at her friend, not liking the way her friend sat upright, her entire attitude closed off, as if she were a stranger.</p>
<p>                In the end, she shook of her surprise and asked Lottie if she truly ratted out Enji and if so, why? She needed answers. Her mind couldn’t comprehend as to why her friend had betrayed them. Especially not after everything they had gone through in all those years.</p>
<p>                Lottie stared at her a little longer than she found comfortable, feeling more and more like a caged animal with every passing second. With a voice that barely even sounded like her friend, she admitted that she had indeed told the CCG about Enji’s existence and where to find him. As being their closest friend, she had known their entire daily routine, nearly down to a T. As for the why, Lottie simply shook her head. The mere idea that a ghoul had been in her life as close as Enji had been, disgusted her. Ghouls shouldn’t exist. They were an abomination, a mistake of nature. There was no place for such disgusting creatures that lived on human flesh. Humankind was far better of without. If she could help to rid the world of the ghouls by handing over one, then she would gladly do so.</p>
<p>                Listening to her friend, well former friend, her anger flared up. She snapped at Lottie, asking whether Enji was as disgusting as she claimed to be, just to hand him over and forfeit his life. She asked whether their friendship didn’t mean anything to her. Whether it was so wrong to love someone, even if that person was a bit different.</p>
<p>                Lottie laughed it all off. Their friendship had been over the second that she had found out that Enji was a ghoul. She couldn’t believe that her best friend had been bedding a monster, willingly, for all those years, had married him even. If she could be with a monster, then she was sure to be one herself. Like calls to like. Why should she care about someone like that?</p>
<p>                Biting back her anger and her sadness, fighting back her tears, she asked her friend how she had found out. Where had they gone wrong? The answer, however, baffled her. It had been his slight change in jobs a while prior. Sure, he had worked a few shifts at the other café, but the fact that he had switched so quickly to a place with his old coworkers had been a red flag. Especially since they were coworkers from Anteiku, the place known for being a ghoul business.</p>
<p>                With that, Lottie had traced back all her misgivings about Enji, slowly painting a perfect picture. When she was done talking, Lottie looked at her with such a look of hatred and disgust, that she didn’t even look like her old friend anymore. On the other side of the bars sat a woman, who hated and loathed her with her entire being. Everything they had built during all those years, were crushed and turned to nothing.</p>
<p>Sighing, Lottie got up, brushing off her clothes, as if her mere presence had made the fabric filthy. As she did, she claimed that she had brought it up on herself, that it was her own fault for letting that monster in her life. With that, her former best friend, walked out the door, without so much as a backward glance.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Chapter 52</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Koma's slowly turning mad with hunger and she's being taken somewhere else.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was hungry. So damned hungry. His stomach kept growling. Drool dripped from his lips at the mere thought of food. It was so hard to think of something else. So damned hard. All he got was water, just the bare minimum to keep him alive, but from the moment that he had been locked away in his cell, he hadn’t seen one bit of food. And he wanted to eat, so badly.</p>
<p>                It was worse when his stomach stopped growling. He trashed through his cell, like some mad animal, trying to keep his sanity that was slowly starting to slip away due to his increasing hunger. He tried to keep his mind on other things, on her. But even she was slipping away, like water through his fingers. He wanted to eat. He needed to eat. It didn’t matter how bad the meat was, as long as he’d got something to eat. Anything was fine. Anything was…</p>
<p>                The door to his cell opened. Instantly, he turned around. Whoever it was, it was human. Human meant meat. Meat was food. His food. He charged, uncaring of who the human was. All he wanted was something to eat, something to still that maddening hunger that ate away at his sanity. Without a thought at all, he slammed the human against the wall and bit down.</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>Curled up in a corner, she didn’t even stir when the door to her cell opened. Her husband was locked away, alive, but his fate unknown. Her best friend had betrayed her, simply because she was married to a ghoul. Their entire friendship gone within the blink of an eye. She couldn’t care less who came to see her. If the Doves wanted her gone, then so be it, as long as she was allowed one last reunion with Enji. That was all she wanted.</p>
<p>                Roughly, she was pulled up. An investigator snarled at her to move. The grip on her arm was painful and she was sure it would leave a mark. She glared at the man, daring him in silence to hurt her more. If he would, she’d show him what real pain was. Would she be able to win a fight? Probably not, but she was no pushover. Let him try.</p>
<p>                He didn’t. The snarl on his face worsened, but he didn’t tighten the grip on her arm. He started to drag her along, until she snapped at him that she could perfectly walk by herself and that she wouldn’t run. Where could she go anyway?</p>
<p>Though he didn’t let her go, he didn’t drag her along after that either, of which she was glad. Just like she was glad to be able to be out of that damned cell. If only she would have been granted a little bit of fresh air and some time with Enji, she would be content. Especially since it didn’t seem like they would let her go any time soon. Maybe they only let her live because of Enji. Maybe because they hoped that she could influence him, somehow, to rat out his friends. He would never do so, not even if she wanted him to, got on her knees and begged him. He’d rather bite of his own tongue and die. Such the man he was.</p>
<p>  The Dove kept tagging her along, through corridors and doors without any hint or word as to where they were going. She asked a couple of times, yet was given no answer. In the end, she stopped asking and just let it be. She’d find out where he was taking her one way or another. Yet she wished that the man would at least scorn her, snarl at her or anything like that, just to break the silence and to have something to focus on. Being alone with her thoughts for days end didn’t do her any good. There was only so much thinking a person could bear.</p>
<p>She got one of her wishes, sort of. For a short moment, she was suddenly outside. Wide eyed, she gazed up at the sky so far above her head. It seemed bluer than normal, brighter and so beautiful. The air she breathed in was fresher as well. Taking large gulps of air, reveling in the moment, nearly stumbling over her feet because she couldn’t bring herself to take her eyes off that beautiful blue sky.</p>
<p>                Somewhere on her right, a bird cried out and took flight. In the corner of her eye, she saw a set of black wings. Turning her head, she followed the bird in its flight, wishing that she too could spread wings and take flight. Then she would fly to wherever Enji was and take him with her. Then she would leave this place and start somewhere anew. Somewhere no one knew them. Somewhere with just the two of them. It didn’t matter where. As long as they were free.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Chapter 53</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She's being brought to Cochlea.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The car ride was both long and short at the same time. A part of her wanted the ride to last longer, just because it meant to be gone from that horrible, lonely cell. The other part of her wanted them to hurry up, as she’d overheard them talking as to where they were taking her. Cochlea, the ghoul detention center. Cochlea, where Enji was brought.</p>
<p>                Her heart longed to see him, even for just a moment. Though she realized that they weren’t taking her there for a heart felled reunion with her husband. They would have their reasons to bring her there, maybe just to remind her as to what kind of man she had married. Let them. It wouldn’t change her mind. Enji was Enji, no matter what.</p>
<p>                Right after the car came to a stop, the door was thrown open and she was dragged out. Like before, she told the Dove that she was perfectly capable to walk on her own, that she had nowhere to run anyway. This Dove didn’t seem to listen or he simply didn’t care what she said. Not until the Dove, who had taken her from her prison cell, told him that it was fine. Flashing the said Dove a grateful smile, she felt the grip on her arm loosen. He gave her a nod, barely visible, but one that didn’t go unnoticed by her. It felt good to be shown a little bit of kindness after so long.</p>
<p>                She followed them through security, which was far tighter than she had ever imagined. Once inside, she was led through doors and long, round corridors, down to an elevator, seeing doors and doors with cells behind them, all holding ghouls awaiting their fate. Down and down they went. All the while, the Doves accompanying her remained silent. The one who had dragged her from the car, kept stealing glances, disgust plain on his face. The other’s pace remained perfectly blank. He had barely shown any emotion during the entire period that she had seen him, safe for his impatience when he had dragged her out of her cell. Truth to be told, she found his presence more comforting than his colleague’s. At least, in a way, he was still treating her like a person, whether she was married to a ghoul or not.</p>
<p>                Turning her attention to him, she asked him as to why they had taken her to Cochlea. She was no ghoul. In a way, she had no business there. He gazed at her, sizing her up and for a split second she thought that he’d either snarl at her again or simply remain silent. He did neither. Instead he surprised her with a honest answer. She was there to see her husband, or in his words “that monster”, so she could see him for what he truly was. They would make their decision based on her reaction about what to do with her afterwards, though chances were high that she was to be executed along with the Devil Ape. Such was their protocol.</p>
<p>                The first thing she felt was absolute happiness. Despite the circumstances, she was incredibly happy with the prospect to see Enji again. It felt like an eternity since she’d last laid eyes on him. She wanted to see him, to hear his voice, to be by his side, even if it was just for a short while. Anything was fine, as long as she could be with him. Even if it meant being executed afterwards…</p>
<p>                Executed. She was going to be… executed. For she was certain that she wouldn’t give them the reaction that they hoped for. She could safe her own life and lie and push Enji away in the most cruelest way possible, yet she knew that she never could. She loved him too much. Her life was forfeit.</p>
<p>                Biting her lip, she held her head up high, pushing away the dread that was building in her stomach and the tears that threatened to spill. She didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t let herself think about it, for she feared that she’d fall apart if she did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Chapter 54</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their reunion.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was brought to the third floor, the place where they kept the SS-rated ghouls. The place where they put the man Koma Enji and the ghoul the Devil Ape. As they passed a couple of doors, she could hear the captive ghouls stir, though the sound was faint and barely audible. There were no windows in the cell doors, making it impossible to see which cell held Enji.</p>
<p>                After what felt like an eternity, they finally stopped in front of a door. One of the prison staff, a sour-looking man who had accompanied them, remained perfectly still in front of the said door. Almost as if he couldn’t decide whether to continue or to turn around and guide them out again. Staring at him, she willed him to move, to open that damned door and let her see her husband.</p>
<p>                The Dove who had taken her out of her own cell, inquired as to whether the ghoul inside was properly sedated, not wanting to risk of letting him escape. According to the prison staff, he was. Though they had to give him a high dose, since he had nearly killed a staff member due to hunger. They had meant to break him, but hadn’t succeeded. He had nearly starved before they decided to give him some stew and sedate him.</p>
<p>                Wide eyed, she listened to them talk as if Enji was a mad animal, as if he didn’t have any feelings at all. They had starved him and sedated him. Just to get information out of him. Enji had once told her that a ghoul’s hunger could drive one mad, to the brink of insanity. Back then, she had shuddered at the idea, not wanting to think about what it would be like for that ghoul. Back then, she had hoped that he’d never have to go through that, ever. Yet there had been people who had done just that. These people.</p>
<p>                She wanted to scream at them, to punch them and rage for all she was worth. The only reason why she didn’t do so was because she didn’t want to waste her chance of seeing her husband. They had dragged her to his cell, after days of demanding to see him and she didn’t want to screw it up, no matter their reason.</p>
<p>                The prison staff finally opened the door.</p>
<p>                Without a word, she pushed passed them, into his cell. There he lay, on a bed, breathing heavily. He didn’t react when she entered. It felt as if he didn’t see her at all. Letting out a cry of grief, she ran towards him, calling out his name over and over again, hoping to get a reaction. She crouched down at the bedside, so that she was at his eye-level. With eyes brimming with tears, she caressed his cheek, murmuring his name.</p>
<p>                He stirred. He blinked. His eyes came into focus. A mixture of many emotions flashed over his face, too many to name them all. In the end, he let out a croak, muttered her name, before letting out a sigh. A bit incomprehensible, he asked as to why and how she got there. She answered him in all honesty, making sure to keep it short and simple so that he could understand in his heavily sedated state. What she told him, didn’t seem to make him happy. He frowned and looked utterly displeased. Then he sighed again and leaned into her touch, before muttering that he was glad that she was there, despite the dire circumstances. Letting her tears rung free, she told that she too, was glad to see him.</p>
<p>                Leaning in, she placed a kiss on his forehead.</p>
<p>                Behind her, someone coughed. Turning, she found the Dove that had brought her there, standing in the doorway. He opened his mouth to speak, but was pushed aside by the prison staff and the other Dove. Immediately, they demanded to know what she was doing.</p>
<p>                Upon hearing the disgust in their voices and seeing the loathing in their eyes, her anger flared up and this time, she didn’t hold back. She yelled at them. How horrible it was that they had treated him the way they had. That they were the worst. How they had dared to treat her husband so. All her anger, her sadness and worries came out all at once. She hated seeing the man she loved been reduced to such a state. She hadn’t been able to be there for him when they put him through it all and so, she wanted to be there for him now. She didn’t care anymore that she would die, just because of her words alone. Let her die with him.</p>
<p>                She kept yelling at them, uncaring of her tears, uncaring of the horrid expressions on their faces. When one came closer to drag her away from him, she punched him in the face, breaking his nose, screaming that he needed to keep his hands off her, that she wasn’t going anywhere. The other tried again and once more, she fought him off, throwing an entire fit when she did.</p>
<p>                The Dove who had been with her since that very morning, remained where he was. He made no indication to move or to help his comrades. Passively, he stood where he was, watching her, his entire face unreadable. She barely registered this. All she cared about, was making it possible to remain at Enji’s side, one way or another.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Chapter 55</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She's stays in the cell with him. One moment awaits a little surprise.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was thinking about it whether to go through with this particular part, so I asked my bf in some random text message. All I got back was a YES! And so this chapter was born.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She didn’t leave his side. Whenever the Doves came to try and take her away again, she threw such a fit that they eventually stopped trying. Though he was truly glad with her presence, despite his sedated state, he had hoped that she would leave his cell. Cochlea was no place for her. She should be outside, not with him in a cell, far below ground. But he also realized that, even if the Doves would take her away, that her life was forfeit. By yelling at them like she had and having refused to leave his side, she had made her point clear. If they would dispose him, she would too.</p>
<p>                Knowing that, he made the best of it, enjoying her company in the dire situation, though wanting nothing more than that they were back in their apartment, spending their days like they had, instead of inside that miserable cell. They fantasized about it, going back to their normal lives in their minds, wondering out loud what they’d be doing had they not be in there. Sometimes, she got this funny look on her face, with an expression that he couldn’t place, yet whenever he asked about it, she merely shook her head. He wanted to know what she was thinking on those moments, but like always, he let the subject lie, knowing that she’d tell him in the end, just like she always had.</p>
<p>                Like him, she ate the stew that they were given. Considering the fact that it was ghoul food, he was certain that she was eating human meat. He objected the first time when a human brought their food, that she should be given human food, not human meat. He only got a shrug and an annoyed reaction. According to the Dove, since she had taken the side of a ghoul, there was no way to treat her like a human. In their eyes, she was a ghoul and so, she was given the same food that ghouls got.</p>
<p>                He had told her that she didn’t need to eat it, that she didn’t need to resort to cannibalism. That they would likely give her human food if she refused the stew. She didn’t. Instead, she just ate it, saying that it was fine.</p>
<p>                One morning… well, to be more exact, as he didn’t know whether it was morning or not, she woke him up with a slight concerned expression on her face. Assuming that something was wrong, he sat up, trying to find any indication as to why she made that face. When he found nothing visible, he sent her a questioning look.</p>
<p>                She didn’t reply. Instead, she bit her lip. The frown on her face worsened.</p>
<p>                He took her hands and pulled her on his lap. Cupping her cheek, he kissed her, before repeating the question once more. She leaned in. Her lips brushed over his. She let her head rest against his and closed her eyes. When she answered, he had trouble hearing her, despite being so incredibly close. In a whisper she told him that she’d skipped a period, that she was overdue. Which struck him as odd. Her period was regular, always on time. She’d never skipped a period…</p>
<p>                His eyes widened as the meaning of her words sunk in. Pregnant. She might be pregnant.</p>
<p>                He didn’t know for how long they had been locked away. They had made love, despite being in their cell. Their need for closeness and to convey their love for one another was far greater than their fear of being caught in the act.</p>
<p>                It could be, but the chances were so very slim. A human woman getting pregnant from a ghoul was so very rare. A successful pregnancy even rarer. The unborn child would die from malnutrition, unless… she’d eat human meat…</p>
<p>                The stew. The stew that they were given was from human meat. She’d eaten the stew so far, without complaint. If she was indeed pregnant then the child would have its proper nutrition. It would live…</p>
<p>                His heart leaped and for a moment, he couldn’t be happier. Never in his entire life had he ever considered becoming a father someday. Not even once. Yet now he might become one. He might be… He glanced at their surroundings and their reality came crushing down. His happiness, so short lived, faded. They were in Cochlea, with no way out, awaiting their disposal date.</p>
<p>                She shifted on his lap and his eyes met hers. It was all too clear to see that she was thinking the exact same thing. Her eyes welled up with tears and her lips quivered. Wordless, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. In his embrace she cried. He himself had to swallow hard, desperately trying not to cry with her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Chapter 56</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Unfortunately, hopeful fantasies doesn't keep their disposal date at bay.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She missed her second period, a silent confirmation that she truly was pregnant. The first weeks were easy to conceal that fact, yet as time passed, it got harder. Her belly was slowly showing and he feared that, if the Doves found out, they would take her away. Maybe that would be for the best, but he didn’t want to lose her nor their unborn child.</p>
<p>                It was selfish, so incredibly selfish, but he didn’t want to lose the little bit of happiness that he had left and let it slip through his fingers. Knowing that there was a child on the way, only made him want to escape more. It gave him a new purpose to not just simply wait for their disposal date. They may have made their peace with it, but their unborn child hadn’t had any saying in it and so, he meant to remain alive. They had to remain alive.</p>
<p>                When he talked to her about this, he found out that she thought so too. She too, wanted to escape, to give the child a future. Like him, she didn’t want to end a life that hadn’t even begun yet. That would be unfair, yet they also came to the conclusion that they didn’t want the child to be born in the prison either. They needed to break free and get away from it all. But how? How could they leave this place, that was so tightly guarded, especially after the last raid? How could they escape the place from the inside?</p>
<p>~~~~~~</p>
<p>Their disposal date came. They were given their last meal. When the Dove would come again, they’d been taken from their cell and brought to the disposal room. Normally she had no problem eating the stew that she was given, despite knowing what it was. Her decision to continue eating it, had made certain that their child would remain alive. But this time it was different. She could barely swallow her food, knowing what would come later.</p>
<p>                Ever since she’d been brought to Cochlea, she’d known that she’d die. But back then, she had thought that she’d just die with Enji. Though she’d rather stay alive, dying with her loved one at her side hadn’t felt that horrible compared to dying alone. But…</p>
<p>                Her free hand went to her belly, that had been growing with time. She had started to feel the baby move inside a little while ago. It had been an odd sensation, yet one that had filled her with joy. When she’d told Enji, they had trying to follow the movements, putting their hands on her stomach, making it a game to poke back whenever they felt the baby move around. Despite it all, the feeling had made them both smile and in those moment, she could say that she was genuinely happy again.</p>
<p>                In those moments, she had completely forgotten that they were waiting from their disposal date. Now the time had come and the realization that the small life inside her would end, a life that had barely even begun. They had even come up with baby names, just for the fun of it, just in case, by some miracle, the baby would be born and they could start a family for real. So many names to choose from. So many options. If it was a boy then…</p>
<p>                Enji’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her in a warm embrace. One of his hands rested on her own, caressing her skin. Like often, he apologized for everything, as if it was his fault that Lottie had ratted them out. As if it was his fault that they were in a cell, barely big enough for two people, let alone a third, no matter how small. As if it was his fault that she was… Well, the latter was partly his fault. But also her own. Even in the cell, he could tempt her and she had given in so many times, uncaring of where they were, as long as she was with him. So yes, the little one was partly his fault. If only it weren’t for their situation, then she might discover what kind of father he would be.</p>
<p>                With a sigh, she leaned into him, kissing him, before asking him questions that she had asked so many times. What would their child be like? Would they be smart? Would they look like him or her? Maybe a bit of both? Would they inhered his love for coffee? The list was endless, yet like always, he humored her, answering all of them, letting his fantasies collide with her own. She loved him all the more for it.</p>
<p>                He asked her whether she had any regrets. A question that he had asked so many times and like always she replied that her only regrets were that their baby wouldn’t be born and that they were never going to be the little family that she wanted them to be. Other than that, she had no regrets. She never regretted falling in love with him, move in with him nor marrying him. If she was given the chance, she’d do it all over again within a heartbeat.</p>
<p>                She kissed him again, telling him how much she loved him. With a sigh, he rested his head in the crock of her neck, saying that he did too. As if that was the cue that they had been waiting for, the Doves walked in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Chapter 57</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Allies can show themselves during the most dire moments and in the most unexpected places. Will they be so fortunate?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She held his hand, not wanting to let go. To her relief, they let her. If they would have tried to separate them, she’d have fought them off with all her might, pregnant or not. She was already glad that none of the Doves had noticed that she was. She figured that they’d have separated them, had they found out. Maybe they hadn’t noticed the bump. Or maybe they had and simply didn’t care. It meant one less ghoul.</p><p>Under tight guard, they were led through hallways and doors. Not once did Enji tried to fight them. Had he been alone, he probably would have. In that way, she was a burden and carried an extra one on top of that. On the other hand, she did know that a small part of him still longed for his death. His death was, in his eyes, the only way for him to repay for the sins that he had committed. Maybe with his death so close, that part had taken the upper hand and he had simply resigned to his fate. She feared that it would be true, that he had stopped wanting to live all together.</p><p>A squeeze in her hand, comforting and strong. One look at his face and she knew that he hadn’t resigned to his fate. That he didn’t want to die either. If given the opportunity, he’d fight for her, for them. She knew that expression. He was merely waiting for the right time.</p><p>She squeezed back, letting him know that she understood. If he’d move, so would she, consequences be damned. Pregnant or not, she wouldn’t go down with one last fight. If he was at her side, she would be fine. As long as he had her back, they’d make it through.</p><p>~~~~~~ </p><p>As they were led through the building, he tried to take in his surroundings at the best of his half sedated state. He felt groggy, weak… human. There was no doubt that he wouldn’t be able to fight at the best of his abilities, that he wouldn’t be able to use his kagune. He would have to fight more like a human than like a ghoul. Which was fine. As long as he would be able to protect her. As long as he could make sure that she got out. As long as she and their baby were safe, that was all that mattered. His life should have been forfeit so many times, yet he had survived it all. Still, even with death breathing down in his neck, whispering in his ear like a bad, old lover, who kept tempting him to just end it all, he had decided to live. He would survive, again, if his luck would be on his side once more.</p><p>She knew that he could wish for death, that he could long for it, simply because he found his life unworthy. Yet she had given it worth and now, with the baby on the way, he had an extra reason to stay alive. He was given a purpose, to protect that little unborn child and give it a proper life. To give her some peace of mind, he squeezed her hand, just to let her know that he wouldn’t resign to his fate and end it all without a fight. To his relief, she squeezed back, letting him know that she understood.</p><p>He hoped that he could live up to the expectations she had of him to keep them safe and maybe even get them out of this mess. A mess that Lottie had brought them in. The betrayal still stung, a lot. He felt sick in the stomach just thinking about how easily Lottie had thrown away all that had been built over the years. All that trust and friendship had been thrown out of the window, as if it hadn’t meant anything. And if he felt hurt by it, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must be for her, as Lottie had been her best friend. If he’d ever encounter that woman again, he’d give her a reason to be afraid of him. No one hurt his wife and got away with it. But he had to get out first and so far, he couldn’t find a way to escape.</p><p>The place was well guarded. He simply couldn’t see an escape route. Maybe he could try to distract them, but then what? He’d be killed and leave her unprotected. There was no way that he’d risk such a thing. There had to be a way out. There had to be!</p><p>Frustration was building up inside of him, together with the feeling of complete helplessness. He hated the feeling. It didn’t suit the infamous Devil Ape. That man had never felt helpless. Lonely, yes. But never helpless. Gritting his teeth, he kept stealing glances at the people guarding them. One caught his eyes and grinned. It was a grin that didn’t mean any good. That grin was all he needed to know, they were close. In a short moment, their lives would end and be erased, as if they’d never existed. Yet, just when he thought that, the grinning Dove winked at him and all Hell broke loose.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Chapter 58</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their great escape.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were running as fast as they could. Behind them, the sound of battle echoed against the bare walls. Neither of them paid it any mind. Neither of them looked over their shoulder. Enji held her hand, as if for dear life, following one of the Doves through the long hallways, up the stairs and through the doors. Her mind was trying to keep up with what was happening. One moment they had been nearing the disposal room, the next moment a fight had broken out. One of the Doves had gestured for them to follow and without a second thought, Enji had pulled her along as he hurried after the said human.</p>
<p>                What was going on, she didn’t know. Who was helping them, she didn’t know either. But one thing was clear, this would be their only chance for freedom. One last, desperate attempt to get out of the facility and flee to wherever they could. Anywhere was fine, as long as they were free.</p>
<p>                Hurrying along, she kept her eyes on Enji’s back, on his broad shoulders, hoping that she wouldn’t trip, hoping that she wasn’t slowing him down. She nearly did trip as they hurried up the stairs, yet he was there to catch her. Without a word, he pulled her back up on her feet and on they went. They ran after the Dove who was leading them through the building, somehow avoiding the guards of the prison. Whoever the Dove was, she was certain that he was familiar with the place. He had to be. How else would he know which routes to take and which to avoid?</p>
<p>                After what felt like an eternity, they were led through a door and suddenly, they were outside. Fresh air greeted them, together with the morning sun. She wanted to stop in her tracks, to take it all in, to take a deep breath of fresh air and enjoy her first steps of freedom after so long. But there was no time. Enji was already pulling her along, flashing her an apologizing look over his shoulder. They weren’t safe yet. She knew that. They were out of the building, but there was still an entire perimeter and a large wall to breach. Behind them, people were already shouting as they ran past. She could hear them follow with hurried footsteps.</p>
<p>                She fought the urge to close her eyes, just like she fought the urge to look over her shoulder. Neither would do her any good. Yet fear coursed through her like never before. She was downright terrified of what would happen if they were caught. Being outside again, running towards the glimpses of freedom that they were given, made her realize that she didn’t want to die. Not yet. She wanted to live. She wanted to do everything that Enji and her had fantasied about in that gloomy cell. She wanted to start their little family. Somewhere safe, somewhere peaceful. Somewhere where she could see the sky. A place where they could start anew. Just the three of them.</p>
<p>~~~~~~ </p>
<p>Part of him wondered as to why he was following a Dove blindly. Doves were untrustworthy. They were ghoul killers. Yet he found himself running after the said Dove, through the building and through a door that led outside. Normally he wouldn’t have taken the gamble, but there was too much at stake. He barely cared where the Dove was taking them, as long as it was out of Cochlea and as far away from the disposal room as possible.</p>
<p>                He had never felt so glad to see the sky and the morning sun and he wanted nothing more than to stop and take it all in. But there was no time. They needed to get away. Despite the Dove’s caution, the others seemed to have caught on that they were about to escape. Behind him, he could hear the commotion. Despite the rc suppressants still coursing through his body, making him weaker than normal, he willed himself on. If he’d falter, so would she and he didn’t want to take that risk.</p>
<p>                The Dove gestured to a van not far ahead.</p>
<p>                Had he’d been able, he’d have laughed at the sight of the van. First off, it was such a cliché, to escape from prison in a van. Second, it wasn’t just any van. It was Yomo’s. Suppressing a chuckle, he increased their pace, not wanting to let this opportunity pass. If he’d be able to get her inside the van than he’d be content, no matter what would happen after.</p>
<p>                As if she read his mind, she tightened the grip on his hand. A quick glance over his shoulder and he met her stubborn gaze. She wouldn’t let go, not even if she got in the van and he didn’t. She made her point clear, they’d escape together or not at all.</p>
<p>                Flashing her a quick grin, they ran the last part towards the van, that was already starting to drive at a slow pace. He could understand why. The second they were on, was the second the van would speed through the gate.</p>
<p>                The doors of the van opened. Hands reached out to them. Gathering his strength, he pulled her past him, nearly throwing her when he did, to the hands that grabbed her and that pulled her inside. He was next. The strong grip on his arms, as they pulled him inside the vehicle, were familiar, for some reason. Looking up, he looked straight at Irimi's face, who flashed him a quick smile, before the doors behind them closed and the van increased speed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Chapter 59</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Last part of their escape.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone, the story is coming to a close. One more chapter after this one. I'll try to update the last chapter somewhere this week :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He slept through most of the ride, exhausted as he was from both the escape and from his body that tried to get rid of rc suppressants. Sometimes he’d wake up, finding her next to him, sleeping as well. Her head rested on his shoulder. One hand held his own, the other rested on her stomach.</p>
<p>                Across him, he kept seeing Irimi. Her expression serious, like most of the times, yet sometimes she’d have this faint smile. Whenever she did, he followed her gaze to his wife’s swollen belly. Then he’d feel relieved that they’d made it out. Not just for their own sake, but for the little one was well. Maybe, just maybe, they’d be able to name the child properly.</p>
<p>                At one point Irimi asked him what they were going to name the baby. He smiled sleepily at her. If it was a girl then…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They exchanged cars a couple of times, before reaching a bus stop from which they would travel on. In the main time, Irimi had filled them in. Taiki had raised the alarm, after finding out that both he and his wife had been taken prisoner. The old man had connected a lot of dots upon hearing the news and had taken a huge gamble to inform them. After that, it had taken a lot of planning to get them out. Taiki did know someone on the inside, who turned out to be his grandson. His grandson was the very same Dove who had brought her to him and had somehow been able to mingle himself with the guards on their disposal date. The grandson was also the very same Dove who had led them out of the prison and had jumped in the van with them.</p>
<p>                That very same person handed them over their travel papers. He tried to thank the human, like she did, for all he had done, yet the man waved their gratitude away. The Dove claimed that his grandfather had always spoken highly of them and when Taiki had asked him for help, he had done so without caring that he would be helping a ghoul. After all, if his grandfather would treasure them so much, then they must be good people.</p>
<p>                They had also arranged a house from them, a couple of hours away from the city, close to a small town. It was old family home in the mountains, but well maintained. Even from the bus stop it was roughly half an hour walking. It was on Taiki’s name and no one would come looking for them there. The fridge would be stocked with food, for both of them. As for their belongings, everyone had helped to sneak some stuff out of the apartment, yet only what they found most important. Those things were in the house also.</p>
<p>                If they wanted, they could stay there forever, picking up where they had left off and make a new life for themselves. That was up to them. As for stocking up on human meat, as he could hardly hunt the people in the village, someone would bring them fresh meat from time to time.</p>
<p>                Hearing it all, his mind was reeling. They had done so much for them and they would continue to do so. The only catch was that he couldn’t go back to the city. Neither did she. Their faces would be known as the other Doves would try to hunt them down. Maybe they could return, one day, when all the commotion had died, but considering the way things stood, that time wouldn’t come any time soon.</p>
<p>                So they thanked the people present, thanking them over and over again for everything they’d done for them, until it was time for them to leave. As he watched the car drive off, he silently hoped that he’d see them again. Some day. Somewhere.</p>
<p>                A tug at his sleeve. Turning to her, he found her crying, yet a smile was breaking through her tears. Despite everything that they had gone through, she was beautiful still. Even in those borrowed clothes that were slightly too big for her. Even when she looked exhausted still. Smiling back, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her lovingly.</p>
<p>Behind him, the bus approached.     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Chapter 60</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This chapter takes place a few years later and is written from Taiki's (the old man) POV.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As promised, the second update for this week and the last chapter of this fanfic. Enjoy the read! ^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A little regretful he watched the bus drive off. With a sigh he turned to the road that he would take. Even though it was a road that he knew all too well, he was a bit reluctant to walk the entire way. He wasn’t getting any younger. Damned his pride. He should have taken them up on their offer to pick him up at the bus stop. After all, they both knew how to drive a car. They had to, considering the remote area they lived at.</p>
<p>                Sighing, he picked up his bag, hoisted it up on his back and started walking. It didn’t take long before all he heard was the sound of the forest, his own footsteps on the sand and his own breathing. From time to time, he stopped, taking a breather. Next time, next time he would certainly take up their offer, his pride be damned.</p>
<p>                Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that they had gotten them out. Thinking back, it all seemed so unreal. Every time that he thought about it, it felt more like something out of a movie or a book. But they had succeeded. They had gotten a new life. One that went really well.</p>
<p>                Koma had managed to get a job at the local café, where he worked as both a bartender and a waiter, depending on what was needed. Not that it bothered the man. He picked up on things quickly enough and from what he’d heard, Koma did like his job. Of course, it was nowhere near his old one, but it was the closest as he could get. The funny thing about it was, was that more people wanted to try to coffee that he made. Which had given him the idea to start his own little café at the village. The idea still needed to be worked on, but it was nice to see the man became more ambitious as time went on.</p>
<p>                She had started writing and illustrating books, both for children and adults. Though she wasn’t a bestselling author, her books sold well enough and she enjoyed doing so. It was a job that she could do from home, with the occasional trip to the city to meet up with her editor. Which she could do without trouble, as no one was looking for them anymore.</p>
<p>                He knew that they had thought about moving back to the city, yet had decided to remain where they were. After everything that happened, neither was keen to move back. Especially not after the chaos that had erupted between the ghouls and CCG shortly after. Both had lost people close to them. Irimi was no longer amongst them, neither was Yoshimura and it saddened them both. Lottie, who had ended up joined the CCG, had died during the chaos as well. She had been crushed by falling rumble. Even though they had parted on bad terms, he knew that she mourned her former best friend’s death.</p>
<p>                With a groan, he sat down for a bit, drinking from his flask. He really was getting too old for this.</p>
<p>                After a bit of rest, he walked the last part of the way, opened the fence, calling out a greeting when he did. Like always, he was greeted by Luca, their black shepherd. Patting the animal in greeting, he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. Smiling, he turned for another greeting, opening his arms wide for a hug that he was soon to get.</p>
<p>                ‘Grandpa!’          </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone, it took a while, but after 60 chapters this story has come to an end. I hadn't expected it to be this long ^^". Thank you for following all the way through! I hope you've enjoyed reading this fanfic. I have plenty of Koma fanfic that I'm currently working on (way too many ideas), so now I need to decide which one I want to post as well. Decisions, decisions... In the main time, my other Koma fanfic 'Family' is still ongoing. If you haven't read it yet or still want to, check it out! ^^<br/>Until next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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